It took me several times before I started this review. I was *that* blown away. I've noted several times in other stories but I have always, always loved a fanfic that has both plot and character relationships intertwined. And your story is definitely the type I could fall in love with.

I love the ongoing mystery and the troubles Section Six is getting, I love how this is an ensemble piece and we get to see everyone shine. I love how you delve into Nanoha then leap into Fate (BTW, I adore your Fate. I love how she struggles to keep her two sides at bay-- the one in love with Nanoha's sould and the one clearly lusting after her best friend) and how Hayate and the knights go on about teasing Fate about their knowledge of her unrequited (or is it?) love.

Also, I agree that between Nanoha and Fate, Fate would be the more experienced dealing with the less than idyllic realities of the worlds and cities. Not only because of her past but because of her work. Nanoha is a world class soldier but when it comes to dealing to the underworld she's not very versed in it... something I and I think Fate is thankful of.

But most of all I love how you further expanded Mid-Childa. I'm a sucker for locations and the way you set everything Mid-Childa comes alive and even becomes another character in the story.

The conflict between Nanoha and Fate was also believable because this is one instance where Fate and Nanoha clash... Fate is protective and Nanoha believes in tough love and the ability of people to weather the storm. It makes me wonder how long it took Nanoha and Fate to get over Fate's protectiveness over Nanoha and how many battles they fought before both characters reached that point in Striker S where Fate is all: 'I'm not going to say don't do it because I know you'll do it anyway...'

To cut a really long gushy feedback short: I adore you story for the characters, the plot and the very lush details and I'm looking forward to the next few chapters! To quote Fate: Ganbare!

This is very good. Thanks for writing.

Oh, very nice indeed! Thus far, this looks like one of the prizes, a novel-length fic with a solid combination of plot and characterization. You begin (in typical action-thriller style) with a sudden act of violence by the villains, then catch up with the "present status" of the heroes, and take off from there. Pacing and structure are thus far excellent. About the only problem is that the plot is moving quite slowly, and that's only a problem because of the pace at which you're writing chapters--there's nothing wrong with the speed of it within the four corners of the fic itself.

Characterization of the MGLN StrikerS cast is excellent, from the cute Nanoha/Vivio moment, to Vita's hard-boiled style (love her dialogue pattern!), to the devices (I nearly cracked up at Bardiche's "the probability is not null" grammatically-correct yet utterly absurd Engrishy line, reminiscent of the devices' lines in the series!), to Tia's ongoing self-doubts. A good sense of humor and dry wit keep the story from getting too heavy during moments of exposition, while the plot itself is quite serious enough to demand stern attention.

If there's one complaint I have, it's that your AU isn't...quite AU enough. I keep finding myself going "Wait, that isn't how it works" in various places, particularly when you've had to take large steps to flesh out the background of the characters and the TSAB military structure (For example, in canon the Enforcers aren't an independent division but specificially under Naval authority--which if nothing else explains why Enforcer Chrono Harlaown ended up an admiral within ten years later--or that I keep asking myself why, if this happened within one year of StrikerS ending, how Hayate skipped right over full bird on her way from Lt. Col. to Brigadier-General. Things like that.). On the other hand, I admire the massive amount of detail work you've put in to developing the backstory so you have a solid underpinning for such a large-scale plot.

I'm eagerly looking forward to reading the next two chapters and hoping your updating pace picks up somewhat.

Several things about this story really impress me. Firstly, there's the extensive background detail, both improving the atmosphere and increasing the realism of the setting and the occurences. Some aspects stretch that realism, such as the massive overkill defending the Lost Logia bunkers, but the effect is relatively minimal. Secondly is the fact that there is actually a PLOT; it's such a rare thing in fanfiction (though I do understand the difficulty of such a thing), especially one that looks as promising as this one that it automatically qualifies as a bonus. Thirdly, spreading the focus of both plot and perspective amongst the loads and loads of characters, really taking advantage of the series' ensemble cast.

However, all these attributes result in a low content to word ratio, and despite the length of the story so far there really isn't much on which to comment. Not really a disadvantage as I enjoy fics that take up a lot of my time, but it warrants mention.

update The Snake Who Lived Book 3: Prisoner of Azkaban i have been waiting patiently for about a year now so plz update soon

Very good. Nice mix of humour and seriousness. I look foward to the continuation.

Wow! What an incredible fic so far! And I'm damned happy to find a fic of this quality for a fandom desperate for great fics!

I love the interactions of the characters, particularly Fate, Nanoha, and Hyatte (though all of the characters have been written dead-on accurate).

I can't find anything wrong with...well anything in this fic! Everything is incredibly well done!

I'm a eager beyond belief to read more of this!

i have a big problem with the supposed three hundred A class mages in the storefort.

First, i doubt there *is* three hundred mages total in the military (chrono is A rank and supposed to be a genius, for exemple). In fact, i think most of them are in the main branch, and that there is maybe a grand total of ten per decades of them.

S ranked and more are even rarer i think (remmeber that annoha was A rank at 9 without training, so she should have been, i think, SS rank by ow if it weren't for her stunting, and Fate is i think SS by hte end of StrikerS with her powerup, like Hayate).

of course, this is just what i believe, but it is endorsed by the lack of help against Scail Jaglietti by A rank or more mages, when they would have, at the least, killed millions.

yeah!

a post strikers, interesting sounding, fic.

Hehe, good work !

i only read the prologue so far so i can't say much, but this looks solid so far.

Wow, this is a really intense story. Someone on the Fanfic thread at AS recommended it. It's really interesting so far, and you have really detailed and creative ideas. I like how you bring a little humor in for each chapter involving Hayate. Well, I hope to see an update soon, I'll keep an eye on this.

This is really good, lots of unanswered questions and mystery, looking forward to more.

xD Oh please tell me that the "parents" were Bardiche and Raising Heart? That would be so cute. I've always wondered about BardichexRaising Heart.

Great story!

WOW. Amazing fic so far. Very highly detailed, and definetly very neglected! It has amazing detail, and everyone's personalities are captured so well. I hope to read more soon!
~Momo

That is the best piece of fan fiction i've read in a long time. Very descriptive at setting the scene and the atmosphere before any scene takes place. Well structured well laid out, a lot of content each chapter. Characters captured really well, no single character so far has really been left out, each one has been integral to the story and has had some focus on their part in its development, or some enlightenment to their own character and what they are thinking.

The plot is believable, its not being rushed, its well planned, great ending to chapter three that really leaves me wanting to read the next part of the story.

I cannot stress enough how good i think this is. :D keep it up!

P.S If you want more feedback or help to do with the Magical Lyrical Nanoha World come to the AnimeSuki Forum thread on Nanoha Fanfiction. Thats how i found out about this as someone posted a link to your story recommending the read. Why don't you come along and say hello?

This is fantastic. Everything is well-thought-out and carries a lot more meaning and depth than the casual reader would make out.

Fate and Nanoha are perfectly in character, as are the rest of the cast.

Good job.