Reviews for Raised Old, Born New

Reviews For: Raised Old, Born New

Sky-Pirate325 2008-05-23 ch 3,	abuseVery good so far. Looking forward to reading more! =D
Hope and love 2008-05-20 ch 3,	abusei love it!
-BeeVee-THEEAmazing 2008-05-17 ch 3,	abuseI can't wait until the Pevensies get there! :] I really like the way the story is going. Update soon?? :] LOVED IT! Toodles! -Bee-
bookworm2011 2008-05-16 ch 2,	abuseGood job, I am enjoying it so far.
HeartsofNarnia 2008-05-16 ch 3,	abuseI like Meep and hope you update soon.
Yemi Hikari 2008-05-15 ch 3,	abuseWell... some of the laungage used by Adriana makes no sense. It would be one thing for her to defend herself with a bow and arrow. But as I recall, Aslan said in 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe', females could defend themselves, but battle was not a place for them. He said this to Lucy and Susan. Notidly, this sounds like a major bias, don't get me wrong as I am female. But this was the mind set of the Narnian books. The females could defend themselves and quest, but the battle fields were not a place that they were expected to go. It more of has to do with the timeframe then anything else. Because of this, she comes across as kind of hotheaded in temperment and quite unlady like. Even more so then the males at the time. It would have been one thing saying she would fight along side her comrades sides, but to boast about killing... which is exactly what she did. Also, to note, she seems to very much be outshining all the other characters, including your other OC's. It seems to becoming more and more like a Sue. Keep in mind it, isn't the character that is a Sue, but how they are written.
Yemi Hikari 2008-05-15 ch 2,	abuseThere are some things that I have questions about, probabbly due to how you phrase things. 1. How is it that they know that Caspian should be on their side and that they should be looking for him. If they were indeed raised by the Old Narnians, it is likely that they would be considered traitors? The Old Narnians did not know until Caspian appeared that he would be on their side. 2. I am slightly surprised that the Old Narnians are said to not trust the children, as it is obvious that they were left for dead at the age of six and have been with them for eight years, which should be a young enough age and a long enough time to insure that the childrens' loyalties is secure. 3. I also don't see how having to work hard has anything to do with them trusting the children either. Everyone would likely to have been working hard, not just the children. 4. Why would they not be allowed to use the phrases and now be able to. This really isn't explained. 5. Why would Adrian's work be in vain? This makes no sence either. Overall, it isn't a bad start, but it needs some more detail. Everything is thus very vaque and confusing.
hpswst101 2008-05-14 ch 3,	abuseI like the irony at the last part. Meep is cool, is he related to Reepicheep? Update soon. hpswst101
On Edge 2008-05-13 ch 2,	abuseGood job! Please update soon!
ReviewsGalore 2008-05-12 ch 2,	abuseStory: 6.25/10. I found the summary intriguing. I only hope that this doesn't turn out to be a retelling of Prince Caspian with your OCs along for the ride. Some of your scene transitions could be better -- I'm not always sure what happened. Characters: 5.75/10. You have some interesting family backstory, but the characters are starting to give off a vaguely Mary Sueish vibe that I think could become more severe. The canon characters are also a bit cardboard. Creativity: 6.5/10. I like the period in the Narnian timeline that you are dealing with, but I'm afraid that the fic is going to become standard OC stuff. Writing: 6.5/10. Your writing is mostly correct, but parts could use more description and your dialogue is a bit flat. Believability: 6.75/10. Nothing very unbelievable has happened yet, but you don't always explain things fully. Overall: 6.25/10. Decent idea, but you need to make sure that you don't turn this into just another Sue story. Professionalism: A-. Some awkward phrasing in your summary, but everything else seems to work okay.
hpswst101 2008-05-12 ch 2,	abuseI have an idea for pairings: Andra/Caspian and Susan/Adrian. I think you have an interesting story. Update soon. hpswst101
Val Evenstar 2008-05-12 ch 1,	abuseThis is pretty interesting so far. A few corrections... Susan is Queen Susan the Gentle. And in the paragraph where the father lists all teh things they can do, you use too many commas - there shouldn't be a comma after 'Lucy, she befreineded...' or 'Susan, she was...'.
HeartsofNarnia 2008-05-11 ch 1,	abuseThis sounds so cool & can't wait for more chapter!
Yemi Hikari 2008-05-10 ch 1,	abuseWell, this isn't a bad start. I haven't read any of your stuff before, but this is well written. Do be careful of making your OC's over shadow the characters.
On Edge 2008-05-10 ch 1,	abuseInteresting, Jo. (I'll never stop calling you that.) Left us on a cliffhanger, though, sorta. I'm guessing it's memories, so I don't know what's going on in the...present. So, update soon. I mean, VERY soon!

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