Reviews for Penhall the Boss

Reviews For: Penhall the Boss - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

procol harum 2008-05-21 ch 7,	abuseI liked this ending, short and sweet. And I loved the last line, yay Doug =) And why were the kids in a foster home if their aunt only lived a fair bit away? Unless therewas some custody issue thing I missed :S
firebunee 2008-05-20 ch 6,	abuseSo, did Mikeal shoot the baddie? THat is who I would have had do it. I guess I am just going to have to wait and find out. Just don't keep TOmmy bleeding to long, he might die;-)
Strider4me 2008-05-19 ch 6,	abuseHey Hey, Good Chapter! Hm I don't know about the end, my guess Tommy survives, and the kids get to go live with their aunt. (Wondering why they are foster kids with family around to begin with?) Oh and Fuller is going to kill Doug for the mess of things he made with his temporary captainhood. Oh by the way you might want to correct this part. “They’re doing it again, ain’t they?” Lucifer asked. “First the correct word is “Isn’t” and yes, they are,” Mikael said. the correct word isn't: Isn't In this case the correct word is aren't :)
tewksgirl 2008-05-19 ch 6,	abuseARGH! Cliffhangers, they just drive me nuts! (although I am guilty of them myself!LOL) ANyway, please update soon... the suspense isn't good for me! HA.
procol harum 2008-05-19 ch 6,	abusegreat chapter... but what do you mean by guessing right? I think Doug should come in and be all no tom! ha ha. they are dating, right =) and I'm glad Tom had got the kids out =)
procol harum 2008-05-17 ch 5,	abuseI loved the beginning flashback, great detail and description... yay for coffee =) And I feel so sorry for those kids with nobody believing them. I hope Tom can get them some help soon :D
cobalt elysium 2008-05-16 ch 4,	abuseMy god, lov, this was perfect. So emotional and such a great breakdown and urgh, utterly fantastic. There were some slight erors again, but I'm too exhausted to go list them (it's nearing one am here) but if you want to know, just let me know lol. Again this was so very good, so amazing so..heart wrenching and passionate and alive. A really great job. Your writing is so flutene and detail so great; I really can't praise you enough. I think the saddest thing though is things like this do happen; and I appreicate that you're not downsiding this, but showing it realistically. A great ending, we got what we'd be waiting for, but just such a small bit of it that I now crave more. So please update soon. And again, no you're not going too fast at all, in fact it's a great speed- the story flows well, you can lead from last chapter to new one without become confused and everything makes sense, trust me, you're not rushing it at all.
cobalt elysium 2008-05-16 ch 3,	abuseCan I please just kill Amanda? Just a little crit, but just recheck your work again. I know I'm being nit picky, but you have such beautiful writing it seems a shame to tarnish it. So just some flaws I saw -and sorry, I'm really not intending to be a bitch or anything!! - “How so? How can my actions dictate the way the treat you?” : the to they - " If I don’t find anything, than there is nothing to worry about" : I think than should be then, but after saying it to myself over and over they both sounded wrong and right lol - "Jenna and Lucifer (the only other boy of the house) was watching the television," : was should be were. - " watched out of site " : site should be sight. - "supposed too" : too = to - "but for some odd reason he didn’t not it like he knew he should have." -I think 'not' is meant to be noticed but I'm not sure Here and there a comma or semi column should be used, or taken away, but it's basically fine. Again, sorry if you think I'm being bitchy-I'm really not meaning to be. You just really do have such great writing, a talent really, and I'd like you to get the best from it that you can (and I know half the time my reviews are riddled with typo's and incorrect grammar but they're just reviews... lol) Ah Green Eggs and Ham!! Great Choice!! Again this is going really great for you, and a brilliant chapter- as they all have been- and you're not rushing things but going at a great suspensful, humorous and exciting pace. Well done XD Also, if you wish for a beta I'd be really happy too- for at least the next few weeks I haven't got exams, and even then I'd be able to do if for you. If not, that's also fine. Thank you for this awesome story though.
cobalt elysium 2008-05-16 ch 2,	abuseI don't usually review for every chapter if I've come in late -as it clogs up the reviews- but I think this chapter well deserved it. Again, another great opening and an even better ending. - Ack! One gray and blue eye? You know that's meant to mean that the perosn was actually born a twin, but said twin died in the feutus so the twin that survives takes on characteristics from teh dying cell and merge-hence one blue and grey or brown etc. So I've heard anyway :) " “Come, Tommy, I’ll show you the room and tell you the rules. This will be the only time so you had better remember them,” Amanda said in a tone that bid him not to argue with her." -Yea, shit definately hit the fan :( Run Tommy ( no no, don't saty I love this story!) No talking after 2 in the afternoon? Altohugh I'm not a big talker by nature, I'd need to say the odd sentence. Those slimey bastardo's Lol, I liked how you slipt in 'savvy' -He was soo sexy in Once Upon a Time in Mexico and PotC drool
cobalt elysium 2008-05-16 ch 1,	abuseGods, I wish I'd seen this sooner! Then again, I know have consequtive chapters to read XD I'm really enjoying this and the plot line is really quite clever. A brilliant opening- humorous and capturing and very fluent writing. (Love the d/t slash too XD And the spanking idea and such!) The banter you have is very good, as is your grammer and dialect. A really enojoyable read! PS- of course I'd like to see the punishment ;) lil_lady @ hotmail . com (delete the spaces)
tewksgirl 2008-05-16 ch 4,	abuseI really liked the chapter. I'm actually glad that things are starting to happen. Poor Tommy, I love it!
firebunee 2008-05-15 ch 4,	abuseOk, so I am totally ready for more! This is great so far. I am hooked and you can send Sweeney my way any day, LOL! Great job and I think that Samuel and Amanda are not nice... I loved the part with Tommy mother henning Jenna! That was so sweet!
dumbblonde76 2008-05-15 ch 3,	abusethis story is getting good; i'm excited about reading more!
procol harum 2008-05-15 ch 4,	abuseThis was good, although a bit rushed with Tom and his punishment, but that could just be me. Glad you've added in a Tom/Doug memory =) Hope Tom gets out okay, as well the other kids. One thing, though, is I noticed errors(grammar and that)throughout the story.
procol harum 2008-05-15 ch 3,	abuseah going slow, yes, good idea for useless yet important info :D I liked this chapter, with meeting the other kids and Tom slightly finding out more... although wwhen he was talking to Harry Tom said he hadn't seen any toys in Jenna and Lucifer's room, yet Jenna had pulled a book from a bin of toys... Did you mean that there wasn't many toys and it was odd being so organized? And yeah, I agree that teacher is in on it, or if not, just knows about it and using it to her own advantage. And aww to 'tough Tommy' reading to Jenna =) Can't wait for more :D

Return to Top