Reviews for Chocolate Fantasy

Reviews For: Chocolate Fantasy

Lady Rikkunen 2008-05-27 ch 1,	abuseI'm LOVING your story. Please update it ;]
Miz-Nu-Booty 2008-05-20 ch 8,	abuseLove it! Especially Brownie..and his um sweets. lmao
Miz-Nu-Booty 2008-05-20 ch 7,	abuseI like how Sam went all LA-Police on Slugsworth:-D x
Miz-Nu-Booty 2008-05-20 ch 6,	abuselmao Clever Charlie! x
Miz-Nu-Booty 2008-05-20 ch 5,	abuseAw, that was cute,,but had charlie not walked in, x
Miz-Nu-Booty 2008-05-20 ch 4,	abuselmao Gosh willy is so adorable...I would passout if he just looked at me. Gosh, just thinkin on it...thud
Miz-Nu-Booty 2008-05-20 ch 3,	abuseCrunkin with the ompas eh? I could clearly see Willy's face ( the same face he makes in catcf when talkin about veruca going down the shoot)Oh hes lovin it. lol :-D x
Miz-Nu-Booty 2008-05-20 ch 2,	abuseHi, welcome to ! Just wnated to say love purple ( my hair is purple "n" black as we speak)Anyway,I'm enjoyin ur story...I love the banana bit! lmao If Willy only Knew..Cheeky grinz
La Vik. 2008-05-14 ch 6,	abuseWell, first of all, I'm pouting at you for not thanking me in your author's note for my last review. Haha. Anyway, I'd agree with Yva that a Beta-Reader would be helpful, because the dialogue is still a bit inconsistent, and there are a couple grammar/punctuation slips that might deter readers. But all in all, I think the writing has improved a lot in this most recent update. Keep it up - cheers!
La Vik. 2008-05-11 ch 1,	abuseI think the concept of the story has a lot of potential, but you need to develop more backstory about your characters, and establish the tone and locale a bit. Also, the dialogue you write for Willy seems to be a bit out of place. It just doesn't seem like the sort of thing that you'd hear either characterization of Willy say. Try to place more exposition into the story - descriptions, setting, thoughts, editorializing, etc. - so it isn't so dialogue heavy. Cheers!
AngelWithHorns222 2008-05-11 ch 4,	abuseHahahahahah! 'I shall call you Bouncy Butt and you shall be my Nerd' Thats my favourite line! I love this story! Please Update whenever you can! A.A.A XOXOXOXO
Yva J. 2008-05-11 ch 1,	abuseBefore I can even read this and give you something constructive on the content, you have to do something with your formatting! Each person speaking MUST have a new paragraph, that's proper formatting in English. All this endless chatter between the characters makes the story harder than heck for your readers to follow. Get the formatting fixed up, run spell and grammar check, and then you'll no doubt have more people interested in your work. A Beta Reader would help immensely.

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