YAY! RUFENA! RUFENA! *cheers*

Such a kuh-yewt story! You did a great job with the characters! : D

Well, I hadn't known you'd posted a Rufus/Elena story until Lin Hikaru-7 told me. I'm glad she did because it is always nice to see a new story for them. I am also pleased that you decided to write something in the first person. I know it is a hard point of view to write in, especially if you are new to it. Though, I feel like this story would have been executed better if it had been written in Third Person Limited.
Some of the dialogue was really fun to read though sometimes Rufus seemed just a little bit overly and unnecessarily cold and rude to Elena.
I especially liked the line “Quit lurching around. You aren’t a pendulum.” because it created one hell of a mental image. I would go into detail but..that's a story for another day!

I had a issue with the overall premise, the pacing, and the structure of your story, however.

The reasoning behind why they went to Costa Del Sol seemed forced and somewhat far-fetched even for a comedy. A comedy can be a smart comedy you know. I feel that you should have chosen a more thought- out reason for those two to end up together in that situation. The whole reasoning behind Rufus escaping Midgar because of some fangirls seems very out of character for him. I understand it is a comedy and humor fics sometimes push limits but I feel like you should have created a much more mature reason than that. It seemed very uninspired and as if it was just an excuse for Rufus and Elena to be together at Costa Del sol.

The pacing was way too fast. It felt very rushed and at some points it grew dull and repetitive. You made scenes too short and jumped around without giving enough believable detail to make me believe what was going on. One scene that really stood out in a bad way was this:

-
After I had to listen to his comments concerning my moaning, my slowness and my – to his mind – absent fitness for quite some time I became angry.
“I’m going back,” was all I said as I turned around.
I was in a rage. And why the hell didn’t the stupid president follow me? That was once again typically of me: I ran single-handedly on a road I didn’t know, on an island I didn’t know and had lost sight of Rufus who I thought I had gotten to know at least a bit better.
-

This whole scene made me want to close the story right then and not finish it. I understand her getting irritated because of Rufus' comments but being in a rage? Being angry? I felt that you should have added more to this and made it all more believable.

While the dialogue was generally fit for their characters, I felt that it was too much of it and most scenes floated by entirely using dialgoue. I have seen this often, and it is called “Talking head syndrome.”
-
Talking head Syndrome:
Related to dialogue, one of the most common problems in beginning writing is the “talking head” syndrome. Essentially, characters in a scene begin talking, and after some discourse, we lose track of who’s talking, where we are, and what the characters speaking are doing.

This is usually because the writer is aware of repeats in dialogue attribution, so they try to compensate by cutting away tags—resulting in lots of “floating” quotes...
-

You should have added way more detail and description in all of your scenes. I would have to say that is what your scenes lacked the most was detail and characterization. I wanted to see those moments when they spent all this time together instead of it just being mentioned briefly.

Also,the lack of detail made me forget they were in a beach town several times.

There also seems to be a severe lack of character development.

You did not show a smooth and believable transition when it came to both character's development, especially your narrator's. Elena randomly kissing Rufus on the cheek did not work well because you did not build up to that moment. It felt forced and tacked in for good measure. You should have written more and taken more character development into consideration.

I know you worked ** this story but it wasn't executed very well. It is always nice to see a Rufus/Elena story so I hope you keep it posted and don't take my critique as an insult. I am only trying to help you get better. I know you can do better.

Good job,
goodwitch08

Hi dear!
You did a great job with this story!
I know nothing about Final Fantasy, so I can't say a thing about the characters. But the story itself is very good and well written. I think your writing style changed a bit; I like it :-)
I hope everything is ok with you!
Liebe Grüße!

Cute! There aren't enough fan-fics about the Turks, especially Elena. I love the personalities! Great job capturing the emotion in such a short fic!

Wow!so cute for Rufus and Elena. ^ ^