Reviews for Living The American Dream Before It's Shattered

Reviews For: Living The American Dream Before It's Shattered

Sakura Lisel 2008-06-07 ch 3,	abuseAw... WHY did they give in so quickly, just because their JERK of a foster dad kicked them out and took their stuff away? Plus, even if he did take their paychecks, don't they have other money saved in a muggle bank or something from previous paychecks their band earned? Wait, HOW did they simply walk out of the room when they were supposedly STILL tied up? You said that Breanna AND the others were tied up when they woke up, then when Dumbledore and Sirius came into the room, Michael and Leo suddenly just stood up to protect the girls? There was no mention of anyone getting untied. Plus what the HECK were those two THINKING that they thought they would get Michael to do ANYTHING they wanted, after they knocked out him and his friends, then tied them up on the cold floor.
Drowned_in_light 2008-06-06 ch 1, anon.	abusethis idea is rather intriguing, though I think I will knock the whole POV thing a bit. writing from your point of view is the same as "regular" POV and refering to yourself can actually be viewed as a different style, not a point of view change. Changing point of views (going from third person to first) is actually rather hard to do well, thusly it is avoided quite often. Mostly what I would cation you against is confusing perspective with point of view. Perspective is usually used when refering to third person. Rather than switching between different people so they can tell the story from their eyes, it's like you're following a group of people around and then you start narrating about different people. Other than that, it is a rather good idea and I look forward to reading more. Another caution though is to make sure that the reader knows when one of the band is singing. Also, you seem to be telling a bit more than showing. I don't mean to discourage you (yeah I know, you're having a yeah right moment), just give a bit of advice. I look forward to seeing the story develop. Good luck, Drowned_in_light
DismantleRepair 2008-05-15 ch 2,	abuseIts a good plot and I like the story, but just a few helpful hints ^^. Maybe not change the point of view around as much? It was a tad bit confusing, when it would change every couple of lines. Well..thats the only hint I have haha. Keep up the good work!
Sakura Lisel 2008-05-15 ch 2,	abuseI like this story so far, and can't wait for the next chapter to come. Though I can't wait to see how Harry takes the news of who and what he is. Though I can't believe Sirius REALLY thinks that Harry's just going to quietly drop EVERYTHING that's going on with the life he's living to go with him to save the magical world. Harry's got a career that's looking it's just picking up. Not unless he wants his newly found godson hating his guts if he tries to force him to come against his will IF Michael decides against going. lol
MagZ86 2008-05-12 ch 3,	abuseI think that so far the story seems good and I want to see where it goes but I'm a bit confused as we're not actually told that the rest of the group are magical, it's just kinda in your face. There's not much back story. Also, in the story there are parts where you are obviously asking questions but there are no question marks. In this chapter, you didn't translate all of the Spanish/Italian/German that they use. I'm not trying to get you down or anything and I hope you don't my comments the wrong way, I just thought you should know what I thought about the first three chapters.

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