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| UltSpideyfan83 2008-08-25 ch 3,  | abuseAnother chapter! I hope you follow this story though, I can see great potential. You do a good job once again of showing her frustration at being a hindered by being a woman: to be one with her talents in the medieval age must have been been frustrating. Good description too. "Militia marching out"...that sounds like a build up to action! |
| Lekki12 2008-06-01 ch 2, | abuseInteresting twist. A boy being disapointing. Love your story! And I noticed that in the third to last paragraph, you mispelled barin as bairn(which means baby). Goody, you didn't do dialouge. Nice to keep it balanced. |
| Lekki12 2008-06-01 ch 1, | abuseOh excellent story idea. I will definetly keep reading! I do get tired of the usual guy-hero-rescue-helpless-princess thing. Keep it up. But please, dont do dialouge every chapter. |
| Silver Souhait 2008-05-31 ch 2, | abuseSo far, this sounds interesting! I'd like to read more. But there are some errors (although some were already mentioned in the last review): Some of the longer sentences would probably be clearer if they were broken up with commas. You wrote "holing" instead of "holding" and "bairn" instead of "barren". And I think "mayhap" is "mayhaps". Poor Zeroun, he has it hard... |
| UltSpideyfan83 2008-05-31 ch 2, | abuseLike the first chapter, I am enjoying the story and I like Zeroun quite a bit, I'm looking forward to him meeting Lilka. A few criticisms though: 1) Spelling: "borders" rather than boarders, "foreign" vs forien. 2) Storywise, honestly, it seems a bit far-fetched that solid advice like that would be dismissed so easily, or even that his father would be angry that he's thinking a problem through. I can see where this aspect would be hard to write however as often a central plot element is that Zelda IS ignored by those above. I look forward to more! |
| UltSpideyfan83 2008-05-13 ch 1, | abuseI like it! I've heard the concept of a girl hero and a Prince before, and so far it's looking good: I like Lilka's personality and I look forward to more. |