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| nerviouza 2008-05-17 ch 1,  | abuseUhm... I can't understand anything... the latter part maybe. The truth is you used some difficult words, why not make it simple. You're making things hard to understand. There are grammatical errors as well. |
| youma06402 2008-05-15 ch 1, anon. | abuseUm... you've been throwing some pretty 'heavy' words. 'Cardiovascular arrest' 'idyllic need to conform' 'arctophile' While readers would gladly accept new vocabulary...the thing is, I feel that the words just seem out of place... Does anyone actually talk like that in the real world? And...your sentences constantly shift from simple to bearing highfalutin words :S maybe you need to smoothen the flow of your sentences? :S |
| Mayuzu 2008-05-14 ch 1, | abuseUmm, the biggest mistake in your fic is the name ^^; It's Hiruma, not Himura >o< And I still haven't grabbed anything from this fic (apart from the wrong name I've mentioned). Be careful there or u'll do a really OOC Hiruma-kun. |