Very nicely done. The characters behaved in-character for the situation you put them in. It was nice to see Sonic attempt to show some responsibility, even if it was in completely the wrong way. And Sally's characterization works for the sake of the story, even if she is a little over-the-top once in a while (but that works, right? Because we're not supposed to like her, right? :) ). Anyway, good job!

Simply amazing. one of the best out there. if not the absolute best. if 1 hater comments on this, and insults this, delete the review. it takes a lot of creativity to come up with a story line like this. 11/10

(YAY! Sally said something that doesn't want to make me throttle her!)

Your battle scenes definitely don't suck! :) I would take them a bit slower though. Give some time so that when the fast movements come they are quick compared to the rest. If everything is fast it just comes as a blur. You have good attack ideas! I love the finishing moves too.

Again, I wish we had a little more of a moment between Sonic and Blaze come right before the final blow. If it is their last moments, I would think they would express something even if it is brief to each other before they make their move. But that's just my personal writer cap again, so take that with some salt. :)

The ending comes well-rewarded to and I love the "edit" of old the fairy tale at the end. A story come full-circle and well-done I say to you. :D *claps*

First off, Solar Blaze! I really like that. Super awesome title for her. Your action scenes are much better this time around. A little bit of fourth-wall breaking with Sonic? I didn't think the paragraphs were bland myself!

I noticed that you left me a reply, so allow me to say something too. :) Don't rewrite if you like it my dear, everything I say here take with a bag of salt. This is just my opinion as a writer. How you write and how I write are two different things. I merely bring up how I see the story as a reader and writer.

I love that everything is finally making a bit of sense prophecy-wise, so I'm guessing that was your intention all along, so I definitely wouldn't change it then. I hope my insight provides what's going through my mind as a reader. Sometimes it's difficult for us to put ourselves in a new reader position because we know our own material so well. :)

I love the detail about the personality switching. For a moment I was thinking they were literally going to merge into a single super being, so this was a surprise. One more to go, let's see how you wrap it up! :D

I'm glad Aleena finally said something to Sally. You were very upfront in warning about Sally-bashing, but I guess I wasn't prepared for this level of it. What's bothering me is how Sally's criticizing Sonic - if she emphasized more that he's saving the world "just to show off" (not willing to work together / hogging all the glory for himself) then that seems more like a legitimate argument than he's running away from his duties (since his main duty is to protect the kingdom). I don't want to come across as "nu, plz don't do it!" so I hope you don't see this crit as that. I think if we had a chance to see her interact level-headedly with some of the other characters, then we would see here that she's just clouded by her bad relationship with him and that she's acting out more selfish reasons instead of labeling a scapegoat. Again, I know this is your version of Sally, but I wouldn't be giving an honest critique if I didn't mention that to you.


I guess I don't know enough about Silver and friends to say much about them - but I did enjoy their entrance into the fic.

And yeah! We finally get to the meat of who is causing all of this trouble in the first place! Now things are really heating up. :)

Phew! Even without your A/N, I could tell this one was a bit rushed, so I won't go much into that, since you know that it is. :)

At first I was a bit turned off by Sonic and Blaze's fight, but on a second reading, I found that I liked it a lot more. I guess I was just expecting it last chapter. Again, it felt like a break in the tension having Blaze go away with Charles, so I think that was it. Had the three of them been together I think the emotional tension would have crescendoed a bit more naturally. I really like that you're not afraid to let the characters fight. I absolutely love the dramatic tension you have going here and they're motivations are completely understood. I think this chapter is a big success in that section. The emotions feel very genuine and provide great conflict! Excellently done.

I have a small crit on the ending. I'm confused why Max wants the wedding to go on while being invaded? How would that help? I would think the adults would try to have Charles get Sonic and Sally to safety in that case and have Aleena and Max distract Eggman or something to that effect. Sally's anger to Sonic is justified though, so that makes sense.

This is getting good! :)

Just to get O.O.C.-ness out of the way first, I'm glad you mentioned it in your notes. I just wish it was supported in the text a bit more - Manic's shocked me since I wasn't expecting it and somehow I don't think Sally would make such a rash comment about Manic while his mother is standing there. I don't doubt that's how Sally feels here, but still I think Aleena would be angered and considering how Sally conducts herself it seemed a bit out of line with how you established her earlier (as someone who blindly follows the rules, unlike Sonic). I would expect her to say that to Sonic very bluntly in private though. I like how you're giving her a different role - since most people tend to make her "the girl who does no wrong" - so this gives her some great personality.

I really wish Sonic and Sally and Blaze had a scene to themselves. It seems like the adults already have too many things to worry about and I would have liked to see them on the sidelines while we get to the meat of your plot. I would expect Max to let Sally handle convincing Sonic to marry her for the kingdom's sake.

You have developed so much good conflict for the two kingdoms here and it feels like it's pushed through a bit too quick. I would have liked to see a bit more personal scene between Sally and Sonic showcasing just how much they don't want this but them agreeing to do it (mainly because Sally stated earlier that she wanted him back to Bunnie).

I like the ending line here, again it's very potent and charged. I wish we could see a bit into what Blaze thinks about this too, but she left. I would think it would deeply affect how she thinks about Sonic with him being able to make such a mature decision. But I'm guessing that comes in the next few chapters, so I'm excited to see what you do with that too! This is a very different story and I like it so far.

Okay I have to combat your A/N a bit, hahaha. First off you have some really great ideas for your action scenes! All you're missing is some detail to them. You've got the quick pacing down, but it's a little too quick, especially in the more emotional scenes between Sonic and Blaze. Give them a little time to analyze, to think about what's being said. To revel in the sights, sounds and smells of battle. To feel every hit and miss. Also, emotional pauses in action are a very good thing and I really wish you could have gone a little more into what you stirred up between Sonic and Blaze. I'm not saying have them makeout or anything, hahaha, but let them think a little and slow down for a moment. We should see their thoughts about each other evolve as time goes by.

I really like the interaction between Sonic, Tails and Blaze, it all feels very genuine even if it is a bit rushed. I believe in their characters and feel for them.

Really nice surprise with Eggman too, I wasn't expecting that. And the bot battle made for some great action! Now this one has trumped my last favorite chapter!

Also, wow! I loved the idea you had Tails talk about with the eagle! I would have loved to see that in action instead of just mentioned in conversation. It sounded like a cool adventure to me! Don't be afraid to go into side quests like that. They add richness to a story. Don't forget the writer's classic adage, "Show, don't tell." You usually do an excellent job of showing in your plot so I was genuinely surprised to see that.

I also like that you're not afraid to shift the balance of power and I like that Eggman was smart enough to take Tails' device as well. Now they'll have to work extra hard and it keeps the conflict going strong. Again I'm looking forward to the next chapter! :)

This one Sonic comment just felt a tad too much out of character: 'Sonic put on a sad face. "Aw, 'dat's not nice! We wuv you!"' I think it was the "wuv" - I would have think he would have gone for something more snarky instead of silly considering it's Knuckles. I still really liked the scene with him though and the end of their part is good.

Also it feels like there's a unnatural break between the section with Charles and then with just Aleena and Max. Where did Charles go? It seems like an odd break since the reader doesn't know why he's confused about Sol Emeralds. Or is it something important he was going to reveal? I'd like to see a more clear answer to his confusion before moving on to another scene.

Also, this line: '"Take it easy!" Aleena rose up from her seat, "Sonic'll think of something."' feels out of character just because of word choice. Max is spot on with his kingly "proper" speech patterns but Aleena's line here seems too young. This is the only line that doesn't feel like it's not spoken in a queenly manner.

I like it that you mention their past plot to bring the kingdoms together with Sonic and Sally as it provides good conflict and brings some perspective to everyone's behavior so far. I'm looking forward to see where you go with it next.

I have to be bluntly honest, I didn't like this character introduction for Tara:

'"Yes, he is," the chipmunk responded, the tone of her answer just as sullen as her face, which beared years of emotional and verbal abuse by her birth mother, "It's nice of you to come just to see him. We're doing fine too, in light of all this, thanks for your concern."'

Especially the part about years of abuse feels over-stated. This just makes me really not like this character at all, because she comes across as super emo and seems like she's being mean for no reason. She's got to know how close Sonic and Tails are if she's living with Tails. I would understand if she were mildly annoyed by him if Sonic had teased her needlessly or something, but we really don't know anything about her at this point or why she is acting like this. I think it would come across much better if she was just annoyed at him and he commented on it as her usual behavior in his mind and stays polite with her. Then the reader is naturally curious about her.

That being out of the way, I really enjoyed Chopper's intro about a thousand times more! We get a peek at his personality through his actions and words which speak much more naturally about him. It brought out a lot of personality in Tails and in Sonic as well and adds to the plot.

If it were up to me, I would cut Tara out and have Chopper answer the door. Then have him end up in the lab!

But again, I see what you were trying to do with Tara, it's just she came across too fast and hard. Abuse is a difficult topic to write about and I applaud you for trying with Tara. She seems like a character with potential from a writer's perspective. She just needs more than a short cameo to do her justice I think.

This is a nice slow-down to the pacing here. It feels very relaxed but still moves the plot along at a good speed. I wish this one would have come before because it does such a good job of that. I really like this chapter a lot.

Again, I might have made Blaze's part her own chapter, just because the ending to Tails' part is so clean cut. I love the tone of it though. I wish we could have seen a deeper peek into her budding friendship with Cream. Or with Silver and Marine as well. I'm glad they're mentioned and it helps build Blaze's character. This one is my favorite chapter so far. I'm excited to read more!

Much as I praise your dialogue this one feels a bit non-Bunnie:
'“Wow...” Bunnie looked at Sally with deep awe, “You really are a disciplined, heart-filled, inspirational woman."' I would think she'd be more ready to help her not be so uptight. Sally is well-known for freaking out. :) I find it encouraging that you're trying to portray Sally as a good ruler, but I think it's not yet coming across as genuine. It feels forced. I think the best part here is when they're joking about Sonic. That feels much more relaxed and natural. Although I don't know about "mandog", hahaha. But she might call him that since Sally broke up with him. :) That makes sense to me. I'm not sure why she wants Sonic still considering everything, but perhaps she's just playing hard to get with him?

Why isn't Marine around? Did she die? I haven't finished Adventure, so I'm not sure. Did they capture her? As a reader I'm a bit confused on that point.

I really love the characterization you put in for the townspeople and Manic and Sonia. This is more like what I said for the last chapter. A little bit of detail goes a long way. I would have liked to see some more.

The Eggman scene is short and sweet, but I think I would have sectioned it off as it's own chapter. This one feels like it's jumping P.O.V. around a lot. Not a bad thing, just a little slow to follow, but I thought it served its purpose.

The first part here gives Sonic a lot of credit to his character and is my favorite part. You really feel for him having to balance both his lives and wanting to please everyone.

This is what I was talking about - in here you do a great job with your dialogue without a lot of unnecessary verbs that people put in place of "said". Said's coming back into fashion again and I think it keeps the story flowing well. I wish we could see a bit more into the character's minds - or at least with Sonic and Blaze.

I'm interested by Sally's motivations. I can definitely understand why she and Sonic are fighting - considering an event in my own life, it would be very hard to deal with each other during a crisis. I'm a little surprised the Monarchs don't step in to reprimand them a little more though, especially King Acorn (I don't think he puts up with much nonsense) - I would think Aleena and Acorn would look past the kids' relationship and see that they are both good leaders just a little hormonal like any normal teenagers. If either one were my kids, I know I would tell them to knock it off and at least pretend to be civil for the kingdom's sake XD lol! But that's just me speaking from a parental viewpoint. I could also see why they wouldn't interfere too.

Your pacing is very fast here and I'd like to see it slow at least a little for exposition and more detail about the atmosphere of the meeting. If everything runs too fast, then the reader can be a little overwhelmed and start to skim. If there was a rewrite available I would say hint at the bad relationships earlier and expose them here. It keeps the reader wanting more. :)

So Sonia and Manic are here too? Considering your A/N at the beginning I didn't think they would be. I would have mentioned "brother" and "sister" for the people who aren't familiar with who they are.

Again, though, excellent dialogue. You really have a grip on each character's speech patterns. It's a pleasure to read.

You have a great talent for natural-sounding character dialogue. There is one thing I think that would help bring it out more and that's getting rid of unnecessary descriptive nouns. For example: 'The princess glanced up, surprised at the voice calling her name. “Sonic?!”' We already know from the opening chapter that Blaze is a princess so it's much clearer to use 'She' or 'Blaze' instead. It keeps the story moving smoothly. You should really only need to refer to her title if someone asks what she is or her duty comes to mind, but not in regular conversation. Your best dialogue is at the end when you aren't even refering to who is speaking - the dialogue speaks for itself!

This chapter really brings the main conflict in - giving us just enough information that we want to read on and find out more.

Overall, this is a well-structured introduction. I can gather a lot of information about what to expect later in the story. You've already started out balancing the two sides to the story - Sonic and Blaze - and the transition between them is smoothed by the shared bedtime story (also true to the theme and title of your story) so I really like that. It doesn't feel forced.

I was a little confused by this phrase: "Instead of being divided from one, two were united to defeat the warlord." I can see what you're going for but I think the words aren't clear - the nouns aren't directly understood - e.g. two "warriors" were united is what I think you meant, but I'm not sure. It could be kingdoms or powers too. For the inscription itself you can be vague, but I think for the short story it needs a little more description.

Also you probably don't need CAPS for the "Eight years later..." - but that's only really a style issue. I don't even think you need that phrase at all since we see that Blaze is older now. :)

I absolutely love the ending line. It's very memorable and sets the stage for the next chapter.

a very good Sonic/Blaze story.