some sentences are confusing in that I am not sure who is talking to who.
overall, the story is quite memorable.
I look forward to the next arc :)

Small pointer in that it's often a good idea to seperate thought from dialogue and narrative through the use the italics IMO. At least put a comma in there. Also a bit short in the middle section when compared to the others-kinda has a stop-start feeling.

Still, good job overall.

Yo, srry its me again, you might be getting annoyed, idk.
well, everythings great so for but 2 things:
1) Even though i have no problem with this, I know some people do. even though you put Ilitacs for past and underlined words for different places, you might want to Put like: In Inheritor Frejs memories, but thats totally up to you.
2) Not really you, infact nothing to do with your writing, its just I looked at all the stories on starcraft and diablo, and I am dismayed at what I see when it comes to reviews, so I might do something like go on a rampage on diablo, starcraft and avp, but, well, I might just do that. . .

Cheers- Dra'ka'do (keep it up, your doing fine)

heh, and that is what we call an evil cliff-hanger.

I don't really see any of the problems like, well, any (but don't take my word that there is not any, I'm bad at that) And as the review, well, just take your time your doing great. And great twist near the end, love it.



-Dra'ka'do

Well, lets see how to start this. . .

Well, I've been reading most of your starcraft fics, and been keeping up to date on this one (Which is on my favorites) and besides your great stories, I have to applaud you on something I have not seen in a while, an author that constantly updates, so good job ^^. And as allways, looking forward to the next chapters!

~Dra'ka'do

Hmm, looks like I lost out on the subject of pairings. Oh well. All's fair in love and war.

Anyway, once again a good chapter, the flow being kept along with the continuation of plot. A few minor things though-the narrative in the "Velari Main Province" section slips into present tense at least once (she "is" should be she "was") and, although I may be wrong, "Fenix blankly replied" should be "Fenix replied blankly." Something about verbs before adjectives/adverbs. Still, I could be wrong there and it's minor anyway.

Once again, good job.

um, I think you referred to Nova as Shaeira in the last scene :p
anyways, nice foreshadowing about the Dark Templar.
take your time, but do update :)

ah, mystery deepens. keep it up :)
try to rely even less on the game itself for visual descriptions. let the imagination run wilder ;)

Ask Blizzard when SC2 will be out and they'll say "when it's ready." That's all we have to go on. Me personally, I'd say the earliest is in December of this year. It would allow SC2 to be released on the anniversary of Brood War and allow a Christmas Season release.

As for the actual chapter, I found it a marked improvement over the previous two. There's more of a sense of momentum to the flow of the story and development of the plot. Nova's ancestor being a rogue (Dark Templar perhaps? I'm inclined to think so) and Shaiera's apparant engagement provides conflict-the essence of drama.

As a minor note, the location names for scene changes work well. I'd advise keeping them.

Anyway, very good job.

The last scene is a bit confusing. Well, I'll wait to find out what's going on.

As to pairing, I remember that you paired Nova with Tassadar in "Hold back your tears till you die". That seems appropriate. You could pair Shaeira with Fenix. ( like, Fenix gets himself injured very often, and the noob healer tries to fix him up, despite the Praetor's horrified protests etc etc XD )
( Or you could have both of them fall for Tassadar, and Tassadar can't decide so he freaks out and rams his ship into the Overmind. lol just kidding ... )

My advice: only edit previous chapters if you want to keep the story consistent, i.e rectify continuity errors. Leave the rest untouched as a record of your past writing style. The latest is not always the best ^0^
At the moment you may think such and such a phrase sounds wierd, but if you change it you may regret it.

Sorry for the overly long comment.
Take your time, but do update ;)

Good points and bad points, like many things. Unfortunatly, the bad points seem to have been brought over from chapter 1, given the nature of the division of the story. Still, there is a touch of conflict with the whole traitor descendent thing.

As for editing past chapters...personally I try not to do such things unless it's absolutely necessary, as I can envisage it setting a precedent for the readers, that they don't know how the author is going to revise history. Still, if it is necessary, better sooner than later...

Concerning pairings...I don't really see Tassadar as the kind of individual for that sort of thing. Still, if I had to choose, my vote would be for Shaiera at this point in time. Tassadar is a warrior, first and foremost, a position that Nova seems destined for. Shaiera's personality and station provides a good counterweight.

Well, it's an interesting concept. It certainly makes a change from a slugfest, instead featuring the intricacies of protoss culture.

A few minor issues with the writing. Firstly, at the start, there's a kind of stop-start feeling, given the ammount of scene changes. Secondly, when discussing the fate of the Zenatir, the repeated use of "they say" seems out of tense. "It was said" would perhaps be better. A phrase like "they say" is more of an active voice which in this case, was applied to passive narrative.

Still, as I said, the issues were minor. Overall, good job.

Damn, reminds me of ShatteredEnigma dot com again.
Very insightful. Keep it up :)