Nice story.

I loved the story it is so sweet. I am a Christian too!

NO WHITE WITCH! you did it, without the white witch mentioned! go you

i absolutly loved this story. the characters were just right and you expressed edmund's feelig extremly well. usually i don't like stories written in 1st tense but his one worked really well. absolutly fantastic! well done.
liz x

I really liked it. Acually, I guessed it was you before I looked at the author. It was really great.

Lovely. It shows the love between Peter and Edmund to perfection. I'd never thought about the way Edmund would feel about Peter not being able to return, only about Peter's reaction. It's a very nice piece that makes you think.
-ilysia

This story...it was amazing! I loved it!

You made it seem as though this was a continuation of Prince Caspian. The dialect was perfect, and both were very in character.

Excellent work!

Always,
luvschaylor4ever

Aw... That was sweet. I love the passing of the baton effect. Very nice. Brotherly love! Gotta' love it. Makes me wish I had an older brother. Once again, your writing stuns me. Very, very nice!

-Elfpen

oh, i loved that! I love both Ed and Pete, and you have them perfectly written. : )

I like how you added in those things like, "Peter stroked his chin, something he'd never been able to keep from doing once he started, regardless of whether a beard was there or not." It was perfect, and a good add to the story.

: )

I loved it!

..lily..

Ahh! Petraverd, you hit me square between the eyes with this one! You know that tight, achy feeling you get when you're going to cry over something too beautiful and sad for words? That's what happened to me! First line and BAM! I was near tears! And then I broke at the end.

Just like George MacDonald. Simplistic in all its glorious beauty. Hand me a handkerchief, someone; I'm going to bawl my eyes out over the joy.

Wonderful, absolutly breathtaking. Thanks for writing it.

This is amazing! I loved this! It sounds like something Peter would say too!

Very sweet brotherly moment between Edmund and Peter. I love stories with these two. I also agree a bit with some of the thing Sandshrew mentioned, but overall, it's a wonderful story. And I love the title.

I liked this a lot. I would have to agree with some of what Sandshrew said, though - I got a bit worried at some points, it felt like you were almost teeth-pulling to get some parts of the story out there. The good parts though (which was most of it) was very good, though. And I like the title.

First off, yes: that is a much more effective word. I love it.

Now, let's get into it! Prepare for a long one, 'cause I liked it. ;)

You open well, lose steam, make me nervous that you're going to crash, then recover with brilliance. Let's cover each of these in detail.

"You open well": You establish the circumstances right off. I picture a scene between these two and I believe that it could be happening. I find the dialogue here to be natural and very give and take. A little more attention to setting - to delay this important conversation, perhaps - would be nice, but it's just fine as it is.

"Lose steam": The beginning of the just and magnificent bit is just...tired. Well, that's harsh. Let me amend that: I always say that you can do something that's been done a hundred times, and if you do it well it's worth the writing. You're almost there. I just think that Peter overdoes it. You hammer it and hammer it and hammer just a bit more; the nail's never coming out. And in so doing you lose the naturality of the dialogue that you have earlier. The conversation about going back - halting and all, which is perfect! - is excellent, but then you get into this 'just and magnificent' bit, which is just...not magnificent. (Sorry. Bad pun.)

"Nervous that you're going to crash": Cut Peter's comment that goes with "Amid my onslaught...". The "'Were I in...'" is a stronger approach. Everything's good until the use of the word magnificent again - cut "more magnificent yourself" because we can glean the meaning without you hammering it into us. The use of the word "physically" is just plain awkward in the next bit. Make Peter pause and hem and haw a little bit more, perhaps interject some hyphens and the ellipsis a bit more, and it'll sound a lot better. This is heavy stuff; he can't just roll it out like pasta.

"Recover with brilliance": Ed's initial reaction. Peter's blush. Ed's hug. These three are amazing moments. The moments that make me SQUEE! inside. The 'urf' noise is a nice touch and adds some color. The ending is tying and fluffy, a nice way to sum things up without repetition.

I notice that I've been a touch snarky (sorry), but I'm this revved up because I really like this idea. You've got these characters defined excellently. They're awkward in their own bodies - still - and trying to speak with wisdom that transcends their "age". You capture that excellently in the opening, ending, and at times in the middle. It's the heavy-handedness of the just and magnificent bit - mostly the mild overuse of the word magnificent - that derailed things for a bit for me.

Overall, I really enjoyed myself, and I especially like your short sentiments. You know how to write first person and to write it well. You know how to ground a fic and get into the big stuff right at the right time. Transitions are smart and logical, at least to me. You're no beginner - not at all. Not in the slightest. ;) And that's why I'm going all-out on you, because I want you to keep improving. You've got talent.

Thanks for a fun read.

Excellent work!

Keep writing.