I was flipping through angst fics and found this, it really... Really makes you think things over... Like, don't trust everybody so easily or... Terrible things could happen. It just makes you fear the unpredictable and makes trust harder. But raises awarness and changes people's perspective. Somewhere, right now, somebody might have realized to watch out... Maybe you saved somebody's life.

Was pretty good. I'm not so sure Marth would really do that, but eh, I also don't really know Marth so I can't make that kind of judgment.

The narration was pretty strong--both it and the description came directly from Peach's point of view with little authorial intervention. I'd say that's the highlight of this fic, and it's something that not too many fics try to do. Of course, there are some places where the narration could be tweaked a bit... it's a bit unnecessarily choppy in some places.


There are a few sentences that are comma spliced, a few sentences that lack subject-verb agreement, a good number of tense errors, but nothing too bad.

So... good job, iSpose.

shoundnt be reading this. but it sounded so irrisistibly good I coundnt stay away. I'm sorry mother!(wow. i'm felling random today. what was that about?)

Well I'm not really sure what to say just that I think this story shows what a well rounded author you are. For example, instead of just using the simplest descriptive words you used words like balked instead, and managed to keep a steady pace by having enough detail to see what the character is feeling but not streching it out. Also, you had some good comparisons like, "And then like rain I softly began to cry." The only small thing I can find is that you had smiles The Smile as uppercase instead of smiles the smile.

... I know I should've reviewed sooner. D:

But alas! I shall start my FINAL year in high school today, and I could not sleep! So this was just a last minute thing I decided to do before I headed off for school since I was bored, not tired, partied out, and felt stupid because I didn't read this fan fic earlier... Yeah. Sorry! ^^:

So, let's start with mistakes.

Here: "I am, in fact one of those people who are quite intelligent."

There should be a comma between "fact" and "one".

“And where are you headed to?” Samus asked.

You're mainly writing the story in present tense, but you have past tense with the "asked" bit. I recommend changing it to "asks".

“Hey there Peachie,” a masculine voice startles the quiet.

Comma between "there" and "Peachie".

"He is such a work of perfection, the way you have to actually look at him to see that his eyes are a cross between deep purple and blue, and he makes the whole “bluenette” thing work."

Also here, I'd recommend putting a semi-colon between "blue" and "and", so the sentence isn't a run-on.

"No thank you Sam." Again, comma between "you" and "Sam".

You also switch back to past tense, so... Cryssy, really look over your tenses! :D Stay with one tense! Either present or past!

"“I can’t let you do that Peach." Another comma between "that" and "Peach".

This is also a fragment and I suggest you write it into a complete sentence: "When we sat licking ice cream off our chocolate covered cones and give people superpowers according to how they dressed in the park."

I apologize for citing so many different errors or things I've noticed. Since you haven't been writing recently, I just thought I could help you a little bit... If I went a bit over the top, do not hesitate to tell me!

Anyway, "WOW" is all I can say. At first, I thought that this was going to be a typical, somewhat-fluffy oneshot in which you'd have Roy comfort Peach. However, you really did a nice job in having Peach show her strong side at the end. I think this is an under rated fan fic, because you not only talk about a touchy subject... but you also show the power of women. I know it's feminist, but it's feminist in a good way that's not irritating and "in your face". It shows that with the power bonds of women, we can over come challenges, and THAT, my friend, is a very good theme there. I really like that. People should write more fan fics like that, so girls can become more assertive. xD

I hope I was able to help you and I hope you enjoyed my review! ^.^ Now wish me luck for my first day of school for my senior year that will start in an hour and fifteen minutes! D:

-BKP

Forgive my my dear cryssie, for not reviewing sooner.

This was pretty amazing. Reminds me of the song "Guys Like You Make Us Look Bad" by blesthefall. You should give it a little listen. If you like screamo, of course. If not, I guess you could look up the lyrics, because they're about rape and molestation too.

I like the Peach/Samus thing. It was amazing. And while we all love Marth, I guess there had to be some kind of jackass guy who would rape Peachie.

Again, amazing work from you Cryssie. I gotta to though; there's a rather nasty, windy storm brewing outside my house.

Love ya mucho grande chica. You know who it be.

-Sage

Wow...just wow...;.;

Roy: *enters review* MUAHAHAHAHA!

Peach: Not you...please not you...

Roy: YES! ME! I WILL ANNOY YOU ALL!

Pichu: *rolls eyes...grabs Roy...shocks him twice...rolls backward and throws him out the window*

Peach: Sweet, thanks Pichu.

Pichu: Anytime. *jumps out window*

Man, that was pretty hard to read...*thanks God she's never even remotely been in a situation like that*

Peach is so awesome...

Peach: *HUGE grin*

"The smile I had craved to see, now looked ugly on him."

XD That made me laugh so much...'cause seriously when I think of crooked smiles I think...well, goofy.

Marth: *does The Smile* Heh heh heh, I'm so stupid.

*LOL!*

Peach: Wow...

Oh, and you did a fantasic job ^.^ *adds to faves* Woo hoo!

Actually it would have been cool if Roy appeared out of nowhere on the stairs...

Roy: O.O What the hell are you doing?

Marth: *The Smile*

Roy: *takes out sword...stabs himself*

Wait...what?

Peach: *sighs*

Pichu: *comes over and ends stupid review*

That was very powerful and amazing, and very true, also. It's always the people you would never expect to be the rapists... The ones that are "so nice" and "would never intentionally hurt anyone." It also experesses that it could very well happen to anyone. People who are strong, weak, intellegent, dim-witted... Anyone.
And don't worry about the Marth Lovers... I am a Marth lover, yet I loved how you portrayed him. It adds onto what I said earlier, about how it could be anyone.
Anyway... Great job and what not!

This was very powerful. I loved your take on Peach's character...Nintendo does portray her as kind of ditsy, but you gave her something underneath that--she definitely deserves depth. Also, a very good and original take on Marth, the charming character hiding something very cruel underneath. Samus seemed a bit cruel, but you made it understandable why; and you made her softer when she helped Peach in the end. And the last lines were very strong. Great piece! You really sent a heartfelt message.

Wow, i'm proud of you, crystal!
That was very good :)

I think the real message of this one is that you need to be yourself. Peach was perputated as a dumb blond sterotype when here she really wasn't. However instead of trying to be herself and prove people wrong, she continued the facade of being stupid instead of being herself. That cost Peach her virginity (since Marth would probably be less hesistant to try anything if he thought she knew better and would of actually fought back more) and her friendship with Samus until the end. Samus was the only one who actually saw past who Peach was pretending to be to the real her, but like any person with common sense couldn't be friends with someone pretending to be soemthing they're not. This actually happened to one of my friends in the real world actually: they couldn't deal with knowing better and pretended to be the stupid drinker desperate for sex instead of who they really were. Because of peer pressure and dumb crap like that.

So yeah this story speaks on a number of good levels. And it's perfectly fine rated T. To me, the T rating when it comes to sexual conduct means it only being somewhat implied or the couple about to engage or finish engaging in it. The way it was shown here you didn't really "see" anything but it was implied if you read it well enough so that makes it a solid Teen. I also don't see a problem with it being Marth: it's actually fairly Poetic. Peach was tired of everyone just judging her for her looks and what's on the outside but that's exactly what she did to Marth without really getting to know who he was until it was too late. After all what looks like a dumb blonde can just be an average girl and what looks like an effemmine swordsman could just be a sicko rapist. Good stuff here for a one shot. I don't even mind it was one of those limited character stories involving princesses and swordsman so long as it's done well.

GRADE: A-

Wow! That was really deep. I wouldn't of suspected Marth would do such a thing. I guess it just shows anything can happen. I don't think you need bump this rating up. I wasn't really all that dirty.

Well, Marth lovers will have to deal. Can't be good all the time.

But wow, I agree. This is definitely different from your usual style. It was definitely a story with a deeper dilemma. But, that doesn't mean it wasn't written well. In fact, it was written REALLY well. I mean, you wrote it to the point where I can just visualize the scenes and the pain (emotional pain) Peach was feeling. It was really good crys.

So, for Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Hmm, if anything I'm glad you wrote it and it's not really M rated anyway. If anything, I think it does give a message to everyone. The message to be safe and listen to your best friends when they're trying to help you.

Once again, really well written and I liked the meaning!

RK