|Reviews for The Third Forbidden Child|
| Lady Syndra 6/3/12 . chapter 28
I hope you update soon. This is brilliant
I really can't wait for more.
| RubyStarPower 1/1/11 . chapter 28
This is a great story! Please countinue, if you can.
| Slytherin Studios 8/13/10 . chapter 28
I love this story so far, can't wait to find out what happens next.
| YearOfDreams 4/27/10 . chapter 2
Rather than actually wasting my time reading this, I just wanted to point out:
Your summary is too much too take in at once. Dumb it down a bit.
Your grammar looks awful.
And paragraphs are clumped.
| bumblebee jars 1/18/10 . chapter 1
Oh. My. GOD. I am now going to point out what makes this fic a horrendous excuse for fangirlism.
No. Just no. By the way, there's this thing called the "Enter" key. You use it for spacing out paragraphs! I know, really cool, right? So now I've made my checklist for terrible awfullness.
Mary-Sue? Check. Really, a talented dancer before the age of five? No, just no. Bad grammar? Check. Based of the Lightning Theif? Check. Tragic past for said Mary-Sue? Check.
Delete this? Please.
| Talvar 12/8/09 . chapter 27
I love it!
| Silverfur of SkyClan 9/18/09 . chapter 17
P.S; I really don't get why my birthday HAD to be june 21, either.
| Silverfur of SkyClan 9/18/09 . chapter 3
Finally someone made a blind OC! Now jayfeather isen't alone!
[Yeah, i'm obsessed with warriors.]
| SpitRoast.and.Grill 9/11/09 . chapter 1
First of all, We must say We were shocked to discover this "story" had fourty-seven reviews. How this grievous error occurred is beyond even Our comprehension.
We took note of the protagonists... "deformity" and apparent "luck" with which the purported tragedy occurred. We came to doubt the legitimacy of the blindness, however, when We read the next paragraph and discovered she could write and dance.
Poor Mary Sue... We pity her; for not only does she have ADHD and dyslexia, but she is also afflicted with selective blindness? Our heart bleeds for her.
It is Our expert opinion that there is absolutely nothing redeemable about this horrific, nails-on-a-chalkboard dross.
Oh look, the poet inside Us is coming out, We just can’t quiet it!
Your stories are crap,
We suggest that you quit.
Stop destroying our language,
You ridiculous twit.
Your prose lack finesse,
Your sentences, pluck.
Get off this website
You've just been Spit-Roast'd and Grill'd
Spit-Roast Post Script: I am surprised that your inner poet has yet to burst forth from your chest ala ‘Aliens’ and strangled you to death with your own colon.
| Nightmare Before Halloween 9/8/09 . chapter 26
Didn't Zoe Nightshade tell you this is a carbon copy of PJO? There's Medusa, a Mary-Sue of a main character, a DOG that somehow helps them, etc etc. I can report this and ask for it to be deleted, can't I? I'm sure your 'fans' wouldn't be happy, but seriously...
Your Mary-Sue of a main character:LIKE, OH MY GODS, SHE HAS A BEAUTIFUL, TALENTED, AND REALLY REALLY RICH MOM. AND THE MAIN CHARACTER IS A VERY ACCOMPLISHED DANCER BEFORE AGE FIVE? My gods... What did she do, go to France to learn? And, of course... HER MOM TRAGICALLY DIED! SOB!
And this character was kicked from orphanage to orphanage? Mary-Sues nearly always have tragic pasts. (ie:Edward Cullen)
Get a beta, please. You can weave out all those problems easily.
| Ecce Flamma 9/7/09 . chapter 1
First of all, everything about this screams "MARY SUE, MARY SUE" like one of those big, blinking, neon signs you see everywhere from the big cities, down to the most dingy diner.
Before you scream "ZOMG, seh's NOT!11!one!4" Let me point out what makes this revelation glaringly obvious to anyone with an objective eye.
Her mother is BEAUTIFUL and TALENTED and RICH but TRAGICLY they cannot have a happy, lovely life together. And what's this? The daughter is an accomplished dancer... before she's FIVE? Dude, I took ballet at five. We tumbled around on mats. And no tutu's to be found.
Oh, and DEAR Cecila (whom you hadn't named, but we can assume it's the mother) was KILLED right before the poor six year old girl's eyes. You know what? That would cause some severe damage to a kid. Mentally. Basically, she would have gone bonkers... or turned into a sociopath. You DO know what that is, right?
She's been from ORPHANAGE to ORPHANAGE and NOBODY wants her. I'm sobbing with empathy, I really am. (If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic.)
Oh, her name's Lorelei! How pretty! Just like that German water nymph... oh? You got the name from the Hannah Montana movie? Wow. You watched that willingly? Ouch. I had to be tied down.
What's this? Her SIXTH orphanage? And all the mean, mean headmaster/mistresses hate our poor, poor heroine? I HATE them. They're such MEANIES. Actually, go them! I think they're my favorite characters in this sad saga (I use that term for the point of alliteration. Some losers -coughStephanieMeyerscough- might think it applies to any old piece of -crap- writing, but it has a definition.)
By the way, headmaster is a term for MALES in that position. You have yourself a HEADMISTRESS there. And LOOK Lorelei's got some guts! Nice snaky remark there! (Oh, come on. A chimpanzee has better comebacks!)
And NOW you mention she's blind? Oh, fabulous, I've been making fun of a disabled person. But wait, she gets more annoying. It doesn't hinder her at all does it? Okay, folks! Carry on with the flame.
OMG, she blanked out and broke someone's ARM? She's a BERSERKER! Creepy. I have shivers. Really. Need a definition for berserker? I suggest you get a dictionary. It would be SO helpful.
I'll flip through the rest, but I've already wasted enough time on this hopeless piece of crud, so I shall leave at that saying:
a. You really need to work on the spelling and grammar. Get a beta doofus!
b. May Incendia live on in these very long flames.
| Tabbyprincess 9/6/09 . chapter 1
...Wow. That wasn't very good. You really need a beta. Why would she remember her parents, but not her last name? What's with the run-on sentences? Who the heck is Cecilia? Why did she randomly go blind? Your character screams Mary Sue. With a rewrite, maybe it could improve, but you really really need a beta. I would recommend the user Aish Sheva as a beta. She flames sometimes, but she's really more bark than bite.
| Zoe Nightshade 9/6/09 . chapter 2
Oh my gosh. This is terribly written and an exact copy of PJO, so reported.
| BeRightThere 9/2/09 . chapter 15
| Zoe Nightshade 9/2/09 . chapter 1
Things based off the first book can be reported and deleted.