omg i loved matts poem! is it okay if i show it to the GSA group at my school?they'd totally love if you're wondering GSA stands for gay straight not gonna unless i have your permission so im asking if i could use it. and this story is awsome!

...you haven't updated this in over a year. I'm curious: are you busy with other stories or do you just have major righters block?

Ooh!

Great fanfic so far!

Update please please please!

Oh, but it's ok if you don't update for a while.

I know college, and the hardest part is getting ready

for it haha. :D

OMG!

OMG!

OMG!

MELLO'S AWAKE!

YAY!

I'm so (obviously) happy now!

Thank you Xero!

Poor Mello and Matt!

I felt so sad reading this chapter!

Almost brought me to tears *wink wink*

Your story is great and I LOVE it!

Oh! And by the way, I added this fanfic

to my favorites list! (duh who wouldn't?)

Cya L8ter!

ShadowIce

Update soon! Literary crack, I tell you.

Just some Constructive Criticism- Characters are WAY OOC. And what happened to pet peeves, habits, and progression? Mello's chocolate, Matt's goggles, L's sweets? Just, y'know, helping out. Fuckin' awesome username, by the way:3

Keep up the good work! I LOVE your story! please try to write more!

:D

:D Nice job! 10/10

:D Lol, Mental Note: Matt can't cook. Lol, LOVE IT!

Aswome chapter! OWW MAN! SO LONG! I WILL FINISH IT THOUGH!

Ack, I feel so bad for neglecting my reviewing and reading of all stories on fanfic as of late... I'm getting better now, though, and came back to do justice to those stories that I ignored for MONTHS.

I am glad though, that in between reading the last chapter and reading this now, I actually got into KH so now I actually know what's being talked about. It's exciting.

I hope the next chapter comes soon- it seems like there's going to be a lot happening in that one.

so i really love this story a lot, and i've noticed you haven't updated in a realy long time. i really hope you haven't decided to end it D: please continee :)

Yo!

Let me start by letting you know that this isn't a flame - it's constructive criticism. But if you don't think you can take the ugly truth, then don't read this :) Simple as that.

The first few chapters of this story really intrigued me. I was excited to see where it was going and interested in the characters. My first problem was the characterisation. There is so much missing. I know that the characters are literally 2D, but that doesn't mean that their personalities have to be. Little things just aren't there - like pet-hates, quirks, habits, and addictions (eg. Mello with his chocolate; Matt with his goggles; Near with his hair-curling; L's posture, etc.) - that every human-being has. It was pretty bearable, though, and I thought, 'Hey, I'll go along with it'. But then Mello started reading 'Twilight' and listening to Oomph!. It seems like his quick-to-anger, I-don't-take-sh*t-from-no-one personality is gone, to be replaced with that of a pre-pubescent 'emo' girl. On top of that, Near is forgetful, L denies being a genius, Matt isn't good with computers... That's beyond OOC - that's just taking characters' names and appearances and using them to insert your own personalities into a story. So yeah, it kind of turned me off. If I want to read a 'Death Note' FanFiction, I expect the characters to at least *resemble* their canon selves. So there's that.

I believe a few people have pointed out how lacking in details this story is. It's an okay writing style, I suppose, but there needs to be *something* more than cute dialogue about games and thoroughly consequence-less actions. What about intentions, emotions, and thoughts? I'm completely lost when it comes to the character's actions, because I just don't know what the hell is going through their minds unless they talk about it (which, half the time, they shouldn't even feel comfortable doing). It just feels bare, you know? Some insight would be helpful, particularly in scenes such as Mello calmly going to school the day before he is planning to kill himself, then - BAM! - suicide attempt. There was literally no way for anyone to know for sure what he was thinking - all guesses at his intentions were just stabs in the dark. So there's that, too.

The OCs are... well, okay, I'll admit that I'm not really enthusiastic about any recurring OCs who are integral to the plot/main or supporting characters. That's just a personal preference, I guess. That aside, characters like Sakuya and Ayame have potential to be interesting, but... that's just it. It's just potential. There is no character development or history - they are just the same in every scene they appear in; utterly two dimensional but full of potential. What really killed it for me, though, was the random 'Japanese' names. You have characters like Aiden, who have Western names, then random 'Japanese' characters like 'Sakuya' (and I honestly have no idea what that name is supposed to mean). If you're going to have this set in Japan with Japanese OCs, conform to Japanese standards. Otherwise, have it set somewhere else or have the OCs come from somewhere else. It's really as simple as that. So there's also that.

That brings me to my next point - the setting might seem insignificant, but to people who know a bit about the Japanese culture, it really ruins the reading experience. I don't understand why characters like Near, Mello, Matt, and L - who are all originally *from England* - can't speak fluent English. And even if they can't (*especially* if they can't), the expectations of them in their classes are ridiculous. Translating 'Memoirs of a Geisha' into Japanese from English? Hey, why don't you enrol in a Japanese course and start translating Shakespeare like a pro? Learning languages doesn't work like that. Hell - the only thing I can think of that would be more difficult than translating a *full-length novel* is translating Dr. Seuss books.

If this has to be set in Japan (and I don't understand why it would have to be), why aren't the characters going *everywhere* by train? Why aren't they bringing bento to school? Why aren't they wearing a school uniform while there? Why aren't they listening to Japanese music and indulging in Japanese past-times? You can't take an American high school and just throw it into Japan - it doesn't work that way. So, in addition, there's that.

Towards the end, this story just seems like it's losing its mojo; like you're continuing it just because you can. The plot has gained some direction, but it seems like it's just going in circles. Problem, resolution, another problem, another resolution... What about the problems that just don't go away? Patrick doesn't count - he honestly just seems like a dilemma to fall back on when you can't think of anything else to write. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's the impression I'm getting. I'm talking about problems like Mello's cutting/suicidal intentions/depression. I can tell you from personal experience that therapy isn't just 'annoying' and if you really want to hurt yourself, you'll damn well find a way to do it. It's ridiculous to give Mello these strong suicidal urges, but have them back off the minute someone catches on and sends him to a therapist. That's not how it works. You have teeth, you have nails, and there is always something to punch - it's plain unrealistic to not even have him *consider* these options. So, finally, there's that.

To start with, I really liked this story. I thought it was fresh, kinda cool, and intriguing. But you really lost me toward the end. I'm sorry, but it's true :(

Anyway, this has turned into one hell of a review (and I doubt that half of it is even coherent, since I haven't slept in a few days...), so I'm gonna leave it at that. This isn't a flame - I'm just making an honest attempt to help you improve your writing - so please keep that in mind.

Azar owt, dawg.

OMG I ADORE THIS STORY! PLEASE CONTINUE! MORAL SUPPORT!