Great job!

Cool story so far. I like the direction you're going with it.

It seems like you're taking a lot of the best stuff from popular TV/fiction/fanfiction and making it your own here. With a few minor exceptions, I think you do it really well to help improve your story and still keep it uniquely you.

One thing I'd say though is you have a lot of descriptive paragraphs. Which is good for most people, don't get me wrong. The problem with the average 3K word fanfic is that it's all talk, quotations going back and forth. Just a thought on... adjusting? your writing style would be to add more talking in to the descriptions. Maybe I'm wrong though. It seems like those sections of extensive description help you move the story on quicker.

If that's the case, I guess keep it up. Just as a reader, when confronted with paragraph upon paragraph of description without verbal interaction between characters, it becomes a bit daunting to read.

Hope this helps in some way. I totally don't mean to be critical, I've really enjoyed reading your story so far and can't wait to read the next chapter. Hopefully my comments were somewhat constructive. If not, feel free to ignore and keep writing please :)

~Frosty

Good chapter, but i found a misspelling.

guiles should be gills

Well done..keep it up..I'll keep story in alerts.

:)

A well-written second task and I rather admired Harry's effort to get the grindylows off Fleur; he both helped an opponent who was also a person in need, but he exhibited a very nice touch at transfiguration. I suspect that he's already surprised a number of people with his showins so far. The interesting thing should be how he fares in the Thrid Task and the aftermath that Tom and his minions have planned.

Moar pleeze! Updates are most appreciated!

Another great Chapter. I was a bit shy as to how I would like this fic since I normally don't like time travel fics that start so far back but this has been a very enjoyable read.

I liked the transfiguration and the underwater spell casting aspect as well as the champions reactions to the hostages. I always felt that it was understated in the books.

Hopefully the next one will be soon, looking forward to it.

Good chapter and nice that Harry helped out with the sea serpent. Thanks for sharing!

great story

Good chapter. Thanks for writing. W.

Nice way to handle the second part there, and will be curious if their complaints will go anywhere, or if Dumbledore will brush things off as usual, and if things will go even more south when it comes time for part three?

Except for a few misspellings, this is a good chapter.

"Breathe" and "gills" are the words you wanted in the first sentence, not "breath" and "guiles." Grindylows, not Griddylows.

Okay, that said: I liked your version of the second task better than canon. It was more Harry-esque and I liked the points-of-view of the four champions. I also liked how they ganged up on Dumbledore and the professors over their loved ones having been used in such a way. Safeguards or not, three of the four hostages were taken without their consent, and the fourth did so with much consternation. Okay, one of them was taken with her parents' consent, but Fleur will take care of them too.

Speaking of Fleur, you've referred to her twice as Cho a little more than halfway through the chapter. You might want to back and check on that.

Good job!

Ok, I officially ADORE this story! I really can not wait to see what happens next!

Great chapter!

I cannot wait until you post again!

Keep up the great work!

VERY good. An extremely detailed and complex chapter with great inter-personal dynamics. I
can imagine that Fleur (and maybe Gabrielle as well) now owe Harry a life-debt, given how Harry intervened to protect Fleur.

I know that's been done before - but perhaps there might be a point in the third task when that life-debt ends up being discharged or something.

Anyway, I look forward to your next chapter and hope that it is soon!

Regards,

the_scribbler