Nice. I'm assuming that this is AU, or perhaps a futurefic? I'm also trying to figure out whether you're using the manga or the anime as a foundation (since the two are extremely different) and where you are in the manga or anime. Two specific errors I found were "heck-tek" which I'm assuming is "hectic", and "ex-held" which should probably be "exhaled". Also Mustang seems a little OOC, just with the whole Hughes' death. I think he would want to find the actual killer not just blame Scar. Oh! And his name is Yoki. Wikipedia has all the character profiles and what not to help an aspiring writer with the fandom facts. This story is definitely original, that's what I like about it. Keep on writing chica!