Very nice piece. Mag confessing his love at the end went too far, but other than that I have no criticisms with the story itself. It's purely fluff, yes, but it's good fluff which holds true to the characters.

Of course, when it comes to fluff the writing is more important than the plot, but the writing is delightful as well. This is one of those tales where the speech, traits, and mannerisms of the characters are captured so effectively that I can't help but picture this as an unreleased Evolution 2 scenario. Evolution fanfic typically overlooks Gre in favor of romantic content, but you don't make that mistake here, and I enjoyed your depiction of his humorously exaggerated dignity. It's always better when Gre is part of the fun.

The one significant problem with the writing is the use of Japanese dialogue. It comes off as pretentious and, more importantly, breaks the reader out of the world of the story. This problem is more than made up for, however, by the delightful image of Mag watching Linear dance in the rain.

One last thing. You have this marked as "in-progress" instead of "complete", so I'd change that if I were you. I overlooked this great little story for years because I thought it was an unfinished work.

Wow, the fluff! But it was pretty well written and I always appreciate it when characters are kep in-character.

Not bad! You're really good! There are just two things I need to point out. You did a nice job spelling the japanese! There was only one little detail you missed, Arigatou is spelled with a u at the end. Not bad though! I made that mistake too once or twice. Also, in japanese, they say aishitieru, which is japanese for I love you. You did great and I hope you keep up the good work!

It is simple, but cute; a good combination. And funny too! All my stories I submit (one, actually) don't make sense at all, but I like this one.

Aww, this was so cute! I love it.

AWWWW how sweeeet that was soo cute...i give ths a rating of four stars out of 5 ! this is great! make more more more!

EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK! _

So cyoot! GirlAnime please do some more with the Evolution fics I absolutely loved the games and hope great writers like you continue to push out quality fics.

I love sap like this! Pure ML! I hope you write a sequal! (If you already have, I havent read it) I love romantic stuff like this! Please keep writing!

Toxic shade

WOWW! SOO SOO SOOO CUTE! HOEEEEEEEE (runs around crazy) GOOD JOB (two thumbs up) _

Blackhole: LOVED IT! LOVED IT!

Nova: KAWAII!

awwwwwww.

that was so sweet... ::wipes her eyes:: _

Great story, I wonder if you're writing more chapters to it...