|Reviews for Stained Glass|
| Alice2013 1/27/13 . chapter 5
I really like your story.
It's very good.
I hope you write more soon.
| Guest 7/6/12 . chapter 5
Still looking for a beta? I'd be willing to help.
Nice story so far, btw.
| KuraiOHikari 9/3/11 . chapter 5
Dear God... I just finished reading all of your stories and they're like.. Amazing! Was wondering if you gave up on fanfiction or something though (since you didn't update since 2008? ._.) I hope you'll be back, soon that is, because it'd be really a waste to lose an author like you in the GX fandom :/...
Especially when you're writing Uke Johan! 83
Hope to see you soon.
| natsumefruit 5/15/11 . chapter 5
Man, I'm dying for the next chapter!
Pleaaase update soon!
| Luving Randomness 12/10/09 . chapter 5
o.o im taking a major guess and saying that 'seed' was planted in johan. DX johan's having a mentally mind voice arguement! TT i hope johan can see! especially colors! ;.; i was soo sad when they said he might be color blind! TT
Update soon! - intersting story!
| haku fan1 9/20/09 . chapter 5
OMG!OMG!OMG! you must update soon kay, this story is son great. JxJ is so cute and the love triangle, must see what happens there .
| Zakksu 8/18/08 . chapter 5
Ok (this reviews is a sum up of all the chaps) x3
Chap one was simply amazing. Loved it no questions about it. ;3
2, was so sad! ;.; and so good!
3, Ah! omg Johan! No! xD
4, Yusei is just amazing and I love that fact there will be some possible Yu/Jo/Ju-ness.
5, omg Johan could be colorblind O.M.G and I have a feeling I know who the 'vessel' is too. I love his lil voice in his head xP
You have become my favorite author :D Yay another person who likes Yusei/Johan with Judai in it! Yay! Love this fic! xD
| avalokannon 8/15/08 . chapter 5
Johan is about as much a wreck as I thought he'd be. The implicit and childish trust Johan put into Juudai has cracked, and their relationship is in for difficult times. The repetition of having called Juudai is a testament to that.
Manjoume's reflection was a particularly well-constructed unit, I think. Rei's appearance, though, could've come from Manjoume's point of view like the rest of the section.
"adroitly falling" is certainly an interesting way to put it. I wouldn't use it for snow, though, as it isn't living; for a human being, though...Another point is that saying that the snow was falling adroitly is actually a quite empty description. What does it actually mean? What kind of feeling is it supposed to bring in to the situation?
Hah, Yuusei's jinxing himself. Hoping not to get involved in love triangles... Murphy is alive and thriving.
"Last he’d heard Sho had still been in medical school. Obviously he had graduated." ... or not ;)
"A huge urge came over him to grip the brunette’s hand. He blindly reached [out] and felt nothing but air." I like the way you portrayed Johan's anxiety here. The inner voice has an especially profound impact, whether it reflect Johan's subconscious or is an external factor (not that surprising, considering the series).
"Often locations like this one were chosen, dark with rotting or decaying walls. It was much like what their hearts had been reduced to, he cogitated." I like the reek of death that follows your evil organization. They even sound like wraiths. On another note, "cogitate" is a big and ugly word, which has simpler, more nuanced counterparts. The tone isn't very intellectual, which makes the "cogitating" a veritable eyesore.
You have returned to the murky streets of the city of rain and given us a glimpse of the underground societies proceeding with their obscure plans. I can hear ravens crowing in the dark of the night; I can't wait to see who they are laughing at.
| avalokannon 8/15/08 . chapter 4
I was a bit confused at one point why Yuusei had to come along. I imagine the walk wouldn't have been much faster, as you mentioned Juudai could keep up his speed, but perhaps Yuusei wouldn't have let Juudai go without being sure that Johan would be OK. Whatever the case, the reason seemed quite feeble, and Juudai could've probably told Yuusei off for security reasons. Otherwise he's being awfully lax, or he senses something in Yuusei that makes him trust him implicitly (in which case he is still lax...).
Some quite simple typos, again, aside from the insidious "On que", which looks French. "On cue" is the proper spelling.
I suppose one could harp infinitely about punctuation, but you can be confident in that whatever mistakes you're doing they aren't conspicuous enough to be annoying.
One final note about anatomy, which you can read for future reference since I can't demand the story to be anatomically correct: if the weapon that mutilated Johan's eyes really penetrated the sensory nerve cells in the back of the eye, I'd actually be quite worried about the condition of the optic nerve and brains. And to really become color blind by damage to cones, one would have to carefully damage only regions with cones, which would inevitably lead to some amount of damage to other neurons and thus most likely a worse form of blindness. To truly turn colorblind from a hit of some kind would require brain damage, apparently in the nerves between the eye and the vision centers of the brain according to some sources. Chemicals, radiation and heredity are more likely to cause colorblindness.
| avalokannon 8/15/08 . chapter 3
This chapter is a veritable descent to darkness. Severely debilitating wounds are a seldom used but powerful way to evoke strong emotions. The 'insanity' of minions adds a nice touch as well.
Some obvious typos again.
Johan must be quite desolate now. I suppose I'll see how much.
| avalokannon 8/15/08 . chapter 2
This chapter felt far more superficial. The tone suddenly jumped to sunny childhood memories, but the transition was difficult because this castle of clouds lacks a basis: the shadows and rain it casts on the cities below. This chapter lacked depth, because the problems and longing didn't become passion in Johan and Juudai's relationship.
There were a few basic typos you should be able to spot upon re-reading. A cornucopia of very traditional themes made an appearance in flirtation and the waking-up scene, though I suppose most of the time the kitchen isn't aflame.
| avalokannon 8/15/08 . chapter 1
You have a nice murky-raining-urban-streets atmosphere, and your text flows fluidly. The Juudai and Johan's meeting at the end was quite intense, and you succeeded in bringing out their desperation for each other.
I had an epiphany of sort at some point that you should use more of the comma. You use it remarkably well, but it's scarcity makes the rhythm of sentences sometimes intangible.
Beware of your images: they are quite close to being too sappy.
Your skill and experience shows in how you've constructed this chapter: you related the history succinctly and indirectly. A commendable decision which, to my chagrin, seems not at all obvious. The hideous flashbacks some people use.
It shall be interesting to see how you'll develop the themes you've introduced so far.
| NightmareGlitter 7/30/08 . chapter 5
Well, it seems that you did take all my suggestions. :D The chapter has cleaned up considerably. Although I think there might be a formatting problem somewhere during the uploading or something since there were some words smashed together and a paragraph split up...I wonder how that happened. Ah well.
Anyway, you know I love this chapter. XD I just have to tell you again. I just love how you switch focus from one group of characters to another group, and you explain their emotions and backgrounds and everything. I love the imagery with the snow, and how you showed Manjoume's character and pride by saying he would not let the fountain go to crap. He had a certain amount of dignity in his old residence, obviously.
I love the characterization and character reactions, and I think this is developing quite nicely. You have a well structured and organized plot, you have paced yourself very well, and you're inserting little bits to move the plot along. I especially love the last part, where you introduce one of the enemy and create suspense. And then, at the most suspenseful moment, you just pulled away. You built it up to a point then left us hanging. Beautiful work. :D
I can't wait to see what happens next! I really, really must know NOW. (But I can wait, lol)
And on a side note, no, I strangely did not notice that you were saying Yuusei's eyes were purple. o.o Maybe that's because his face highly resembles Yuugi's...and purple eyes just suite him. XD
Anyway, keep up the good work, and I have noticed that you have improved on some of the points that I'd previously (from chapters ago) asked you to work on!
| Leechan1993 7/21/08 . chapter 4
awesome chapter! plz udapte soon
| NightmareGlitter 7/5/08 . chapter 4
*claps hands* Wonderful chapter. There is nothing to be desired considering your meticulous detail with descriptions. Beautiful. Your spatial development was just enough to describe the setting without being monotonous and overkill. Furthermore, you seem to have achieved a balance between description, narration, dialogue, and plot. Also, you've very well incorporated canon elements and used them for your own plot twist. Amazing work. I also would like to commend you for your pacing. It's not too fast and not too slow. You've gotten the suspense element down without taking it too far.
Now, for what you need to work on. You do have plenty of punctuation errors (not the most obvious ones, just errors involving commas where semicolons should be, etc). You also have a decent amount of spelling errors, some of which look to be typos. Also, some of your diction (word) choice was a bit to casual for a few situations, but hey, it's your diction choice, not mine. It wasn't wrong. I just thought some of it sounded out of place. I would also suggest avoiding using exclamation points unless they are within quotation marks since it actually takes away from the emphasis, in a sense. It's difficult to explain.
Well, I would most certainly love to be your beta reader, if you'd let me. I really enjoy your work, and you are overflowing with potential. You only have minor errors, really. You have some well developed plots that are the perfect mix of the proper elements. You just need a little bit of assistance on the mechanics, which I can help you with easily since I took some high level English and writing courses. In my beta reading, I not only correct the mistake, but I explain why too so you can hopefully get to the point that you don't need me anymore. I aim as a temporary aid, as a tutor of a sort. I'm not looking to put anyone down. XD Also, it would give me an excuse to read all of your works...and I'd still review once you got it up too. XDD
Anyway, all in all, it was a great chapter. I'm looking forward to the next one. Chao! ;P