LOL! That was...GOOD!

Poor Draco...NOT! LOL ROTFLMAO

I like your story. It's amusing and has a sure wit to it that is interesting. I like the concept of Harry and Hally, twins. It is one of the more far out fan fics, but I enjoy it.

I think though, and don't take this horribly, that description is needed in your writing. Dialogue will only get you so far. Expand on the description you do have.

Ex. Instead of Raven and red haired girl it could be more in depth about her skin and body types.
We know a good deal about how Harry is, dark hair green eyes, narrow face, pretty lanky. What about Hally? Is Harry different in your eyes? Malfoy? And of course the house they are in. Describe for the mental image! :)

Describing the surroundings, I think, would greatly add a deeper interest to the story and a better image for your readers, seeing as that is what writers do: create a movie in their readers minds.

Here only to help,
i.am.a.griffin.

LOL! Very nice chappie!

This is very good Keep up with the good work!

oops that should have your hally not you hally

by the way I've been reading your stories since you started them I just normally dont review peoples stories.

just so you know you can't block someone from reading your story just from reviewing or contacting you
anyway just ignore people like that, hally is a mary-sue but she is a one that isn't annoying

but if you think about it Ginny, Hermione, Tonks, Fleur and a lot of other females from JKs story are Mary-Sue's and they are well liked, just like you hally. so don't worry about it.

I think Harry should find a person his 'inner Veela' is attracted to like Hally is for Draco. Then the teasing can go both ways, because Harry teasing Hal is getting a bit tedious & I think a bit of a switch-up would oonly be fair. :)

another good chapter! :)
Those who write bad stiff about your story can go and get a life! Your story is really good! :)

An obedient Sirius (Snuffles) LOL! I know it's a little early to talk about but I can't wait to see how you will handle the next books, who will compete in the triwizard tournament and the whole Voldemort coming back in GOF, the "underage magic trial" since they are not with the Dursleys in OOTP, they are both good at potions so they won't "need" Sev's old potions book in HBP and lastly please don't kill Sev in DH, I love the way you portray him in your fics. How about finding him a girlfriend? ;)

I started reading these stories weeks ago but couldn't review because I didn't have an account yet. From what I am guessing from these stories:
1) You are thirteen or around that age because only teenagers write themselves as self-inserts
2) You're in love with Draco Malfoy (probably because of Tom Felton, a lot of fangirls are like that... even I was back when I was a teen)
3) You hate Ron a lot.
4) You know nothing about Mary-Sue's.
Then again, friend (lovethissite) who told me to check these stories out told me you were older. So she is guessing you were born in 1988 since that is when you had the twins born even though they were born in 1980. So you are probably twenty years old and are putting yourself in the story as Hallie so that when Hallie is older you can make her have sex with Draco Malfoy therefore making you have sex with Draco.
Your writing is good... why not write something where you aren't a self-insert Mary-Sue in the story. Harry Potter has many possibilities and at twenty you should be past the self-insert stage anyway.
BTW if you're going to block me from your story don't bother even replying to this review then.

¡ʇo1ɐ sʞuɐɥʇ ...pǝddı1ɟ sɐɥ uıɐɹq ʎɯ ǝsnɐɔǝq uʍop ǝpısdn ǝʇıɹʍ oʇ ǝʌɐɥ ı ʇɐɥʇ pɐq os sʞɔns ʎɹoʇs sıɥʇ

oh busted

cool, did i tell u how much i hate cliff hangers? cant wait for chapter 12 update soon

YAY! Hally won!
HARRY AND HALLY BETTER NOT HURT HIM!