|Reviews for Maternal Instinct|
| Lion in the Land 9/3/09 . chapter 9
Working for Hellsing really would be a dream job for NCIS Abby, wouldn't it? Sleeping in a coffin and all? And Hellsing would be lucky to have her. I mean, who else can intimidate 'Eva Braun' like that? I enjoyed the lab scene again. It was interesting to see the process work outside the test tube.
That was a good scene with Seras and the kid outside, too. This line was sad: "In Jason’s experience nothing good ever happened when the adults turned serious."
When Seras connected that HE was the creature in the church, I gasped out loud! I didn't see that coming. You set that up very well, even from way back in the beginning when you describe the thing. It was just so creepy, and then to find out that THAT was Jason! Nice.
You did a really great job describing Seras' thought processes throughout this chapter. You show a real conflict there between her feelings for the kid and her safety. Her thoughts about getting her master involved were funny. "No, Master is not the kind of ‘person’ you bring in to help calm down a situation." And also the Harkonnen: "Oh yes, that’s just what you want to do. Barge into the kid’s room packing a seven foot artillery piece. That’s just bloody brilliant."
I thought lifting the bed was a nice move, too, because he seems to be worried about revealing what a monster he is, but Seras is a monster, too, so who better to talk about it with? I just thought lifting the bed was a nice little reminder to him of that.
Okay, so, red eyes, heals quickly, converts ghouls back to humans, super fast, super strong...dang it! I still have no idea. At least not a solid enough idea to make a guess. Perhaps after Jason's story. Perhaps.
| Lion in the Land 9/1/09 . chapter 8
That was very interesting to get to see your first scene with Integra dealing with Alucard. There were a couple of times when I could see you almost over-explaining, such as with her reactions to his delay in responding to her, but I know that's because you were feeling your way around the characters. Anyhow, that scene felt natural and believable to me. Pretty funny how he leaves her with the only thing to say being: “Well, it seems that you’ve thought of everything.”
Nice detail on those drawings. I just know I'll be referring back to this chapter after the mystery is revealed to pick up on those clues that elude me now. But you said the Valley of the Elders and Mars, so I'm sure I should know what he is right now, but I don't. Hmphf!
| Lion in the Land 8/31/09 . chapter 7
How can I deny you when you ask so sweetly? ;)
It's funny because this chapter had the least going on action-wise, and yet so much happened!
I'm starting with the end here, but that was a very interesting insight on Alucard. What kind of feedback did you end up getting from readers? I know I can read the reviews, but I want to know where you ended up on it - do you at this point think it's a good representation of him?
I thought you walked the line very well. You show that longing, but also the hardness about him, because he thinks those feelings are a weakness. I also liked him looking at the killing as a pleasure, the only pleasure left to him and his kind. You really played nicely on the 'Dracula as a tragic figure' theme.
I like that you are building up a foundation for the romantic relationship. But how am I supposed to see Seras with Alcuard after you sent me that gorgeous image of her and Pip (which I cannot get out of my mind)?
The continued bonding of Seras and the boy is very nice. How did a five year old 'crush' a grown man? I know there will be more on that coming up. I noticed that you said he almost 'glowed' in the sun. That's a clue, isn't it? Now, here's what I'm wondering - will I KNOW what it is that he is? Or is it going to be some crazy thing from a video game that I've never heard of before?
| Lion in the Land 8/28/09 . chapter 6
You had some really interesting elements in that fight, and I'm wondering if they were original or from somewhere else. The first thing was the way the ghouls had their unified mental link. The other thing was that re-directing sphere that Rip shot. Very cool.
And Rip is the new ghoul! Clever. So this fight wasn't just a superfluous fight scene, you needed it to get the ghoul. And to get Seras a little cash!
You seem like a guy who knows your way around Wal-Mart. :P Cute with the Count Chocula. That scene was perhaps a bit more detailed than it needed to be, but still fun to see Seras in he real world. Oh, and you are such a GUY, saying that Seras indulged in a "set of clothing" rather than telling us all about the darling top and fashionable pants. ;)
I thought it was fine to have a scene without Jason. The focus was still on him, anyway, with the ghoul getting and the shopping.
| Lion in the Land 8/27/09 . chapter 5
I loved the second half of that chapter with all the technical stuff! You did a really great job laying it out. I was seriously very absorbed in it, you'd think I had to know it all for an exam! Perhaps it's because you challenged me to come up with a guess at what the boy was.
I have a, let's call it a pre-guess. Well, I kind of thought of this with the boy's quick healing powers in the last chapter, but then the way the blood reacted in this chapter added to my suspicion...now bear in mind that I've been influenced by Twilight lore, which may be off, but I have also heard elsewhere that these creatures are the greatest threat to vampires, plus I know that you have a penchant for them, so...I'm going to pre-guess - half werewolf. Don't laugh; it's only a pre-guess. _
Anyhow, Abby was stellar in this chapter, just so...unpredictably odd. Does she sleep in a coffin on the show, too?
Also, very nice how the boy told Seras she had a heart.
| Lion in the Land 8/25/09 . chapter 4
So far you are divulging information on the boy at a nice pace. We learn something every chapter, but he's still a mystery. It's very compelling. The painting was a nice device for getting him to open up to Seras.
Abby is hilarious. I like that she creeped even Seras out. I've no idea where she's from, but I suppose I'll find out in the next chapter. No matter where she's from, you picked a good character to mix in here.
I also like that your portrayal of Seras is as a very independent-minded woman. She doesn't let her subordination to Integra stop her from doing what's right - like covering for the boy with the spilled paint. Because she's right, the boy has already been freaked out enough and Integra can certainly afford new carpeting.
I retract my statement in my last review about that sentence after the hugging the sun thing. Now that you point out that it served to bring the reader back into the room at Hellsing, I can see that it did serve a purpose and wasn't simply an unneccessary explanation. Forgive me?
| Lion in the Land 8/24/09 . chapter 3
Ooh, intriguing about this 'halfling' boy. Your descriptions were outstanding with him and the sun. With the instinct being similar to that of a plant reaching to maximize its exposure, and then also this: "His arms stretched out towards the sun, as if he would grab it and pull it into himself." You gave an inhuman feeling to the boy.
I know this story is a year old, so I'm sure some of my comments will be like, 'Uh, yeah, LiLa, I already know that,' but I'll say it anyway just in case. This sentence, right after the sun line above, "However such a thing was, of course, impossible" is unneccessary, especially since you stated 'as if' in the prior sentence. It seems like you're being just a little too careful, Mr. Literal. ;)
I also really like your description of the room the boy was in, with the expensive drapes and the Louie the Sixteenth bed. You give enough detail to grasp onto and get a picture, but you don't drone on with it and keep the story moving.
I didn't love the Alucard/Seras interaction. I had the vague feeling it was not entirely in character? Obviously the slap was a stretch, but also when he first came in and said, “Oh, did I startle the little Police Girl?” It sounded more like a taunting older teenaged brother, not like the more sophisticated, sinister Alucard. Also, Seras seemed a touch too disrepsectful and snotty when she said,
“So the reason that you had to talk to me immediately, was to tell me that we are waiting?”
“So you wanted to tell me that you don’t know what he is?”
But I'm sure you'd probably write the dialogue differently if you were writing it today, so I won't belabor this point. Plus, let's face it - what the hell do I know about Hellsing characterization?
I still like the Seras/boy dynamic. I already feel a connection between them and care about what happens to the kid.
| Lion in the Land 8/23/09 . chapter 2
That was really sweet. I love that the boy bit the soldier and ran to Seras; he already trusts her.
I also appreciated your explanation of what the various ghoul parts meant for the clean up crew. When that thing ran through and busted them apart, I wondered if it was trying to help them, but now it doesn't seem like that.
I'm looking forward to see what happens when they get the boy to Hellsing and to learn more about that...Thing - wait a minute - it's not Edward is it? ;)
| Lion in the Land 8/23/09 . chapter 1
Oh, wow! This is SO different from your other stories that I've read. I really, really like this beginning. Your descriptions are so good, and that was very intense and gruesome with Seras and the crew going into the church. You really pulled me into the scene.
I especially liked this:
"There were torn apart bodies of ghouls all over. The dismembered limbs twitched. The zombie like bodies were still alive but they were in too many pieces to do anything else. The sight of the twitching limbs coupled with the stench, naturally produced by the decaying bodies of ghouls, caused one of the rookies to quickly unfasten his helmet. He pulled the headwear down and puked inside it."
Also, very chilling explanation of what had happened inside the church to get them all infected. It's just so strange for me to get to see you being so serious. I love it!
Why didn't you hound me to read this sooner? Oh yeah...you did...(tee hee)
| Liyah 7/13/09 . chapter 8
Hey, im loving this story soo far cant wait to read the next chapthers. You spelt 'profit' wrong in the sense you were talking about the acutal spelling is Prophet if your talking in religious context. However, other than that I'm really getting into this keep up the good work! )
| Fends 7/13/09 . chapter 6
lol love this chapter espically the shopping bit.. lol isn't Hellsing based in the UK.. there is no walmart in the UK lol gd chap though :)
| LoveHopes 6/4/09 . chapter 16
Hm I might just have to go and read your jason fics. I never would have guessed that Jason was supermans son though... nice twist. Good plot and cute kid .
| Nagini the Moon Goddess 4/19/09 . chapter 15
This was brilliantly written, you've got a nice sense of humour, i couldn't stop laughing. Abby, Superman's son? Nice touch, lol! I think I'll be reading a bit more of your fics, I find them rather entertaining :)
| Sirius-Black-is-not-dead 4/12/09 . chapter 15
Wow, I almost cried myself!... Seras lost her car! *bing* Kidding kidding.
Are you going to make a sequel?
| Rakero-chan 12/17/08 . chapter 15
Heehee. Poor Rip. Now people think she is an angel.