Humans are Bastards. At least in Sonic's world they are.
I really love how you've contrasted the ruined, barbaric place of Sonic's old home with the vibrancy and brightness of the Mushroom Kingdom. And Mario at the end to reassure us that not all's lost is more than welcoming.
One thing I do find odd is the title. Why 'Empty Nest Syndrome'? His home is all but gone, not just empty. I must be missing something.
Overall, incredible story, Mild Guy. I'll be watching for new updates. D
"... had planned thus: The paragon should topple..."
Oi. No capital letter after the colon. )
"My gladiatorial partner…Ganondorf."
And a space after the ellipsis!
Personally, though I really like this chapter, I'm confused about something - Meta Knight is obviously reminiscing this event, as stated by his first line, and it's heavily implied that learning how to hear 'the winds of death and destiny' is the reason for his expulsion (or resignation). But if that is the case, why was Ganondorf in the tournament? He knew how to hear the winds and yet he was still allowed in.
Other than that, an excellently well written read. ;)
On a less positive note, I do think that the darkness of the chapter is rendered quite pointless by the last line. It's anticlimatic. You expect a massive demon from the third circle of hell or something to come up and then you find out it's just Kirby...
On the other hand, though, it might give you another, darker side about what he happens to eat like. It's a very interesting perspective.
Well, I decided to drop by for a short read of some of your fics, and this time I actually intend to review.
Personally here I think Snake seems... misguided. Evil's not picky. It always finds a place to rest its head. You kill off those three, five more will step in to take their place. Either that or they survive anyway. Just HOW many times has Ganondorf 'died' by now?
Though Snake sounds like he's got a Plan B just for that...
Now, that's a dark and brutal vision. I may never look at Sonic's world the same way again.
I liked this part in particular: "Each day, the lights dimmed a little more in the eyes of his friends. Their faces slackened and their words crumbled into bestial grunts. Already, the humans were eager to fill the special zoos they had prepared."
This one plays with some heavy themes. I'm tempted to talk philosophy and politics, humanity's relation to nature and such.
But that's not nearly as interesting as Sonic's relation to Mario. Who's mom? Or am I better off not knowing?
Technical things:
1)"Shadows framed Amy’s pale and worry drawn face." - 'Worry drawn' is a curious phrase. I don't mean it's wrong, merely strange.
2)"How long and desperately had she ran..." - Should be 'run,' shouldn't it?
3) "Pardoned and sanctioned, Robotnik lead them." - 'Led,' not lead.
4) "For his ceaseless subversion of life awards heaped upon the ground his boots trampled." - Awkward, a bit confusing. Maybe add a comma after 'life' and an 'over which' after 'ground'?
Anon-chan 7/9/08 . chapter 4
@Previous Reviewer: I don't think he meant it literally. Similar to something like "LINK, MY BOY!" or whatever.
Anyways, this was so, so awesome. Great job!
Ri2 7/7/08 . chapter 4
Damn...so the Doctor won in the end?
And...Oo Sonic is Mario's SON? Then who's the mom?
Wow, these were awesome. Each one was a little different, but they were all very engaging, from the Stephen King-like 1st and 3rd ones, to the humorously twisted 2nd chapter (complete with a Nietzsche quote), to the despairing and current final chapter. It's a shame that there are only four.
Chapter 1: All I've gotta say is HELL YES, YOU GO SNAKE. And I caught the Family Guy reference, ahaha!
Chapter 2: Aha, I wasn't expecting it until Ike actually started talking and describing it. Awesome job with horror, and putting things into Ike's perspective (Fox the laguz!).
Chapter 3: Oh, dark. In the last sentence, I could really feel Ganondorf's pride in his victory. And poor Meta-he didn't know what he was contributing to. Amazing.
Chapter 4: Oh man, I wanted to cry. Like Chapter 3, breaking the "good triumphs over evil" cycle is always really powerful. Poor Sonic...
And I especially like your descriptions. My review would be way too long if I listed all my favorites, but things like the last sentence of Chapter 3 (Ganondorf's smile) and all the horror of Chapter 2. Anyways, I'll shut up now! Overall, you did a great job, and I hope to read more of your work soon!
Oh, really? So Eggman (So much easier to type, I swear) lead a crusade for the death of the environment? Oh, dear. That's gotta be one of the worst things I've ever seen the son of a bitch do.
And on top of that, I liked what you did with this one. More vignettes, por favor?
Best out of the three, in my opinion. You've managed to handle four different characters on stage at once, each with his/her own motivations, in a very concise, meaningful way. The battle itself becomes allegorical for conflicts both internal and external. And kudos for this speech: "'Do you hear the winds of change howling, boy?...'"
Grammar and other nitpicks:
"No signal we exchanged; no words or gestures." - Misused semi-colon.
"The wings of my cape straightened out behind me and I dived with a raptor’s grace upon my prey." - Comma before "and" to separate two independent clauses.
"I shunted her limp form over Battlefield’s edge, and scored my team one point." - No comma here (second half of the sentence is not independent).
"Broken things, they moved silent through a numb world. " - Commas before and after "silent," or make it "silently" instead; also, is it appropriate to attribute "numb" to the "world"?
"Like skin withdrawing from a knife cut, Ganondorf’s smile split wide open." - Just kidding, I like this one. That entire last scene is eerie.
Ah, jeez... you, good author, are epic win. Your writing is clear-cut and highly descriptive.. as in, right now, I'm afraid to play Brawl because it means fighting Kirby in All-Star Mode.
As was earlier stated, epic win bonus points for calling Fox a laguz. Can't wait to read more!
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