I like it. Mary has a good reason of how she died. 10 for your imagination! :)

Cute!

pretty good story though i thought mary was a bit of a mary sue but overall, i'd give it a 6/10

Cute story... I'm a Legendary Pokemon shipper, yet the mention of Groudon in ANY fic makes me come running...

Want some constructive critisism? Don't worry, I'll be easy XD

You might want to add a bit of emotion during the talking scenes, such as what they are doing at the time, it helps, believe me! Also, would thunder affect Groudon?

Well, critisism over, this fic was GOOD! I liked it! Not exactly chaptered, had Groudon, and had good action and a tiny bit of angst! You'd make a good Legendary shipper (If you need any tips, ask me!). Of course, you're great with humans! Just keep doing fics overall!

After reading only 1/8 of your story, I decided to open the 'Submit Review' button to list down my thoughts.

1) You need to fix some grammar errors.

2) FYI: The plural for 'Pokemon' is still 'Pokemon'. There is no 's'. Don't worry. I know a few people who make that mistake.

3) 'Mary' and 'Pika'? You could have chosen better names for them.

4) (Reads the word 'Blastoise') YEAH! BLASTOISE ARE THE COOLEST POKEMON EVER! Oops. Sorry about that. I just really love Blastoise...

5)

“N-No wonder that Blastoise was kind of familiar,” said Ash.

“Just tell me that you didn’t notice that,” said Gary as the other laugh.

I liked this pun. ;)

6) She has a DRAGONITE? Oh, that is so evil! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ash is gonna lose...

7) 'said a man'? 'said a woman'? You could have called them 'Magma Grunts'. EXTRA INFO: If the Team Magma Member is of a higher rank than normal grunt, then that person is a 'Magma Admin'. An example of a Magma Admin is Tabitha (even though people call him Harlan since he is a dude and 'Tabitha' is a girl's name).

8) In all honesty, I'd say that this was poorly written. There were plenty of grammar errors and your 'Mary' seemed like one of those Sue-type characters. And don't get me started on Team Magma...

I have to say that it's one thing "to write a story" and another thing "to write a 'good' story." It ain't easy. Trust me. Even I run into problems whenever I try to make plots my stories. What you need is practice. You'll get better. :)