Long winded. And it is all because of your formatting, not your writing style. It feels like you need to read the entire thing without taking a breath. If you had only put some paragraph breaks in there to break up the ideas, it would be a MUCH better chapter, and the the reading ease would greatly increase too.

It seemed like you formatted it this way to make it feel more like a personal diary entry, but for readability, I think it needs some separation.

really cool story the only thing it needs is the next chapter and some anal hehehe. maybe sakura and hinata can read and watch sakura's books and tape just for ideas. (gotta admit one thing you haven't broched on is role play, so perhaps something involing some nurses outfits? or schoolgirl uniforms, just not in a dream.)

wow...ur the MOST perverted person ive EVER heard of.but then,im also quite a bit perverted...only for Naruto though!(so dont u DARE tell anybody!)

Daisy

WAH! *majorly sobbing* th...that...w...was...s-so ...sad...*sob*

that was pret-ty cool,i mean,the vow,the charging,its really awsome and believe it or not,i love cliffhangers too.

Daisy

That was NICE,i knew it was gonna go NaruSaku!(u are so perverted)


Daisy

EVERYONE knows ur a pervert...well...i have to say that i am too,i mean u cant imagine what some of my dreams were about...anyways,foget that,from now on the narusaku is gonna be on,right?

Daisy

hm...if only that were Sakura and not Hinata...u know,Hinata's starting to ** me off...gr...OH YEAH!thank u so much 4 the summary on the new CH of "Am I Worthy to Love You?" u are so awsome.

YES! FINALLY,they make love...but...if only he could be...*blush*...sexier...alot sexier...NOT LIKE IM PERVERTED!

YAY! I cant wait! Can u give me a short summary of whats gonna happen? by the way...*blush* I think ur really cool...well...plz reply!

Ive just started reading this story but it is SERIOUSLY heated.by the way ...(sobbing)u havent written the next CH for "Am I Worthy to Love You?"when are u gonna write it cuz i really love ur stories...

That...is so sweet...I really hope Naruto takes Sakura back as his lover...*crying and blushing*

can't wait to read more

this is great

Hey It's me again starting to read one of your other stories.