The descriptions are very good in this chapter and I like the stress they have to go through.

Poor Ponyboy, no wonder he's terrified. It's good keep going!

I agree this is original and unique. I hope you continue and I will continue reading.

ok i agree with the majority of the reviewers and what do you mean you don't "do summaries?"
You have to do a summary if you write a fic.
Not to be a ** but it's true.

Wow this is diffrent. I like it. Props for orginality. Keep up the good work and update soon. :)

I see that some of the things that I edited for you weren't changed in the chapter.

Watch out for those things.

Wow...a lot of action right from the start. Can't wait to see where this is going.

You don't "do" summaries? You're such a precociously mentally advanced writer, aren't ya, leaving us all in the dust as you stampede towards the pinnacle of awesomeness at which we should all fall down and worship you.

Please.

Regardless of how bad you make this fic (and other reviewers have pointed out the technical issues with it), you'll inevitably get sheer waves of reviewers who will, in Pavlovian fashion, flail spastically at their keyboards outdoing each other in sheer cracked-out expostulations of such things as "OMG SUCH A GRATE FIC", and so on.

(Aside: A word to you reviewers... it is NOT cool and it is NOT cute to review like a spastic monkey on crack. I don't know if you think that because a lot of people do it you have to as well, but take it from me that it just looks dumb.)

The main problem with this isn't even technical.

It's the fact that you've written "All that comes to my mind is adding girls just to make the boys fall in love with them", which is tantamount to admitting that you basically want to write cliches.

That having been said, a realistic Pony/Cherry ship could be had out of this fic, but as others have said, you should engage the services of a beta reader. I find them to be very helpful.

First, a summary is what catches a reader's attention. Lack of a summary will cause a lack of readers and reviewers. Failure to write a summary basically tells readers that you don't care enough about your story to write a few lines of plot to catch our interest.

Second, what an interesting first sentence:
"The bus screeched as loud as the teenagers in the bus could, running across the entire freeway did the yellow cheese bus leave long black stretch marks on the road."

Did you possibly mean that when the bus came to a sudden stop that the screeching of the tires were as loud as the students on the bus? If so, re-word this part of the sentence.

When you say "yellow cheese bus" are you saying that the bus is so yellow that it looks like cheese? If you're trying to make a comparison then don't. Cheese is unnecessary. If you simply MUST keep the word cheese in that sentence, again re-word this part of the sentence.

Stretch marks, huh? That's a hyperbole. I'm going to assume that by stretch marks you mean tire prints that vehicles tend to make when they come to a sudden stop. I wouldn't use the words "stretch marks" though. This bears repeating: Re-word this sentence.

Along with the very first sentence of your story, (which, by the way, is supposed to be impressionable) you have major spelling and grammatical errors that require attention.

I agree with Rendrum Placebo.
Befriend a beta.
Quick.
Hurry.
Fast.

this prologue is very descriptive. this will be an amazing story so please update.by the way my name is tory too.

Hilarious. You don't "do" summaries? What are you, a simpleton?

Wait- don't answer that. Also- the Author's Notes are obnoxious. I can tell you just wrote this to get reviewed by people who just want to say, "omg!1! Plez continu, or Ill smak u, lolollololololol, jus kiding!" And, do you know how I knew that you never even bothered to re-read this?

"The bus screeched as loud as the teenagers in the bus could, running across the entire freeway did the yellow cheese bus leave long black stretch marks on the road."

What the hell- this was the FIRST sentence in the story itself- and I was more confused by this than by anything I've ever read with description on this site. No kidding.

So- the teenagers controlled how loud the bus screeched? The **? And, the bus is made of yellow cheese? The **? And, the bus is leaving stretch marks on the road? WHAT THE **?

I'd normally say "try again", but I worry about what else you'd write, if given the nudge to continue. Please, do some self- reflection on what you want to be as a writer, and go befriend a beta. Quickly.