   TJay-Dragg Shiny-Latios Fluke
2009-06-01 . chapter 27Orchestrated Beautifully. The way you brought the two factions together only left me with the bare seems of the original plots, and they mixed beautifully. First, I enjoyed the way you crafted the storyline to fit Galbatorix being... guided... to, follow the orders of another, only to show that it was another antagonist, and how it survived the ages.
Saphira's Jealosy, brought about some laughter, but ultimately was a descriptive chapter, and managed to bring some semblence of reality. You even made me read this fic, and wait patiently for the conversations between Spyro and Cynder. Just... wow.
Sparx, I seem to be thinking (from what I have read,) is kinda hard to write, and is an all round quirkily annoying character. You just seem to have more flair writing about the other characters. Writing, Katrina, however, seems to be... a tad depressing.
Don't get me wrong, I like the way you portray her as a character. But you seem to be writing her maybe, a little less mature than she needs to be. Still, why am I complaining about that? I still enjoy reading this just as much, (if not more,) than other fics.
Eragon. I miss the good, old days. Where he would train relentlessly, trying to overcome the burden placed upon him by the Varden, (I'll be moving onto them next). Has he evaded his conciounse? He doesn't seem to be able to have as much willpower, and fell to his own desires too easily. He would have a fair bit more of a struggle, and he would have been a nuisince for everyone in the castle.
Following that, the Varden have had an extreme lack of involvement, and Ayra and Nasuada have been as exemplary as cardboard cutouts. Roran, to a much lesser extend, too, has been just standing behind, without even a comment or arguement of where his beloved cousin, or how the search for his fiancce is. Ayra and Nasuada have only had one scene, and even then they were surprisingly impassive. No, I'm not suggesting you make this A/E, but if you do, it might help this develeop the plot. (If you do, be sure to make it onesided. I really can't stand it!)
Saphira's sister. A real _, if I may say so. Still, like many others I understand the hardships she has faced, and how they shaped her persona. It was a tale that was depressing, and fit in the fic wonderfully. I however, still retain a dislike for her character.
Glaedr, and his decend into insanity, jusst inconveniently stopped, and nobody has paid attention to it. Jeeze, was he that little of a character? (Pardon the pun.)
Lastly, Saphira. I would figure she would be able to feel her 'essence' flowing through the link, and she would get a forboding feeling.
As I have been writing this, I'm getting more tired. Take it as it is, and know this.
I.
LOVE.
THIS.
FANFIC.
IT'S PAIRINGS.
YOUR PORTRAYL OF CHARACTERS.
YOUR PLOT.
YOUR ORIGINAL CHARACTERS.
THIS. |
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