|Reviews for “Natalie and the Lieutenant”|
| Angels-heart1 11/3/12 . chapter 4
| Angels-heart1 10/25/12 . chapter 3
She see's what?
Can't wait to read more, please update soon!
| AsianOutcast 10/19/09 . chapter 1
OMG! That was cool, i liked it... but you can be more discriptive during the kissing scenes...XD
| AsianOutcast 10/15/09 . chapter 2
| Bluegarnet 10/15/09 . chapter 1
| trecebo 9/19/09 . chapter 2
I was watching Monk last night and thought, 'I wonder if there are any good Discher stories I can read? Ones that would take it slow and really handle his character with care...'
Bada-bing! Here's yours and I really like the pacing. Sometimes, Randy gets the short end of the stick as a character and a foil, so I think he needs to get the girl once in a while, yes?
| XPhoenix 2/1/09 . chapter 2
you gotta keep going now, I wanna know what happens next lol. :P keep up the great work.
| Power of the Pen12 1/23/09 . chapter 1
Okay, just a few constructive criticisms.
Though I love this story because there is an astonishing shortage of Natalie/Randy fanfics, there's a ton of spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes.
Also, the conversations are a bit choppy. "I have also come over to see if you needed help with anything since Monk will be out of town.” "Why are we at a movie rental place?"
| Sparkleferret 7/15/08 . chapter 2
Interesting. Randy/Natalie is my ship of choice. I like the idea of them hanging out over pizza and a movie. Some of the dialogue seems stilted, though. Most people use contractions. Randy and Natalie do it all the time in the series.
Twice in chapter 2 Randy and Natalie are "talking" by themselves. If this is a euphemism, bravo for subtlety. Otherwise the "Show don't tell" rule of writing would apply here. Have them talk about something. Musicals, a case, the dishes...Anything. Maybe watch a few episodes and pay attention to how they talk to each-other as well as their body language. I recommend "Mr. Monk Goes to a Wedding", "Mr. Monk and the Three Julies" and "Mr. Monk and the Bad Girlfriend" in particular.
Their interaction in this story seems a lot more ritualized than the way they behave on the show. The lack of contractions and staccato sentence structure adds to this feeling. It's true, dating has a few more etiquette rules than hanging out as friends, but since they already have that foundation, it's not going to be quite so formal. If there was awkwardness, between two friends looking to become something more, they'd probably be highly aware of it. Just something to keep in mind for future chapters.
| kawasakifan 6/23/08 . chapter 1
Good start. With so many stories dealing with Natalie and Monk your decision to pair her with Randy rights the imbalance somewhat and gives the NR shippers some hope. Interesting to see where you go with this. Recently kissing scenes seem to have begun to appear more frequently in FF so I wonder if one will be in yours as well.
| Miss Ann Peek 6/22/08 . chapter 1
Nicely done. Continue. :)