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Wow, Sakura is older than Itachi... never thought of that, but it's really cute ^_~ If you ever continue this story, I'll try and review each new chappie^^

Good story...kinda hard to follow, but good none the less, Keep foing, Jaa Ne Kyoko

Aw Luv It^^=]-xoxox-

*rolls eyes* ignore the holy bitch. this is one of the best stories i've ever read! and i never say anything i don't mean!

Let's judge your righting. Pick on of the below:

a) It was the best story you have EVER written. It was AWESOME.
b) Everybody will bow down to you saying how wonderful this story is.
c) Amazing. Nothing else to say, just amazing.
d) None of the above. It sucked. Horribly.

If you chose a, b, or c, you absolutely know nothing. The best answer invovling your writing would be d.

First: I couldnt even finish the first chapter. Thats how bad it sucked.

Second: Spelling. You have dictionary, dont you? And if you dont, look it up online.

Third: Your characters were out of character.

Fourth: That was so totally NOT a cliff hanger. It was an idiotic ending to the first chapter.

Fifth: It absolutely SUCKED. And if you cant see that, then you are an AWEFUL writer.

i like it please update soon

Well, first of all I have to say that you have a fic with great potential and a great idea. However, your style of writing damps this potential enormously. I don't want to flame you, but I decided to correct the final part of chapter 4 (or at least a part of it), where I've seen many of your typical mistakes:

Normal pov:after getting dressed up and placing his ring on the middle finger( the magical finger …oh praise the almighty middle finger lol)

That is how you've written this part. However, this style of writing is confusing and looks a little bit messy, if I may say so. First of all, there is no punctuation, which makes this sentence (?) confusing: You can't clearly understand what Itachi does AFTER dressing and so on. What will he do? Because there is a paragraph change after this part it doesn't become clear. It would be better if you write this part like this (just a suggestion):

Normal POV: (POV is an abbreviation, therefore it is written with capitals. At least I would do it like this.)
After getting dressed, he placed his ring on the middle finger. (The magical finger... Oh praise the almighty middle finger... *lol*)

I used "dressed" instead of "dressed up", because Itachi only dresses in his normal clothes, not in something extraordinary expensive clothes or a costume or something like that. Furthermore, it would be better if you define WHAT middle finger Itachi has the ring on. Is it the right one or the left one? However, at least you have a structure and a clearly defined action if you would write it similar to what I suggested.

But if you want to directly combine Itachi's dressing with the next part, it would be better if you write it like or similar to this:

Normal POV:
After getting dressed and placing his ring on the middle finger, he was getting curious to know the mission. Soon he joined Sakura and together they walked to the main room where all the other teams had already gathered.

Explanation:
I've divided your sentence into two. Because there is a new action and a new scene (Itachi is done with dressing and NOW he joins Sakura and they go meet the others) it is better to write Itachi's actions in two sentences. It just becomes, well, clearer, if you read it like this. The mental imagined picture/movie is more structured, not chaotic. Do you get what I mean? I also used "to" instead of "into" because "into the main room" suggests that Itachi and Sakura are standing directly in front of the door to the room and enter. But "into" does NOT describe the whole action of walking from their room to the meeting room, therefore "to" is a better choice.

To make it short, I've summarized some of your typical mistakes:
1.) The names of persons and organizations are ALWAYS written with capitals, no matter where their position in a sentence is.
2.) Your sentences are long and chaotic. Try to structure and shorten them. This is easily done with the correct use of punctuation (meaning dots at the end of a sentence for example). You can start with ending a sentence as soon as a new topic/action takes place. Also, try to NEVER change a paragraph in the middle of a sentence.
3.) The first letter of a sentence is always a capital, no matter what kind of type (noun, verb, adjective, etc.) the word is.
4.) If you set a noun in its plural form, the "s" is directly connected to the word (e. g. power-powers). The "'s" is used, if you want to abbreviate "is" or "has" or if you want to show that somebody owns something (e. g. "Sakura's mentality" = "The mentality of Sakura").

I would suggest you use spell and grammar check, get a beta reader (that is someone who looks over your story and checks for spelling and grammar mistakes) and read your story over before you post it here. I don't try to be mean, it is just the best for the story. A badly written story with many mistakes is not as liked as a story with correct grammar and spelling and often gets less reviews. And in all honesty, your story has big potential as I mentioned above. It would be very sad if this story has to be taken down or gets few reviews because of its chaotic structure and its mistakes, wouldn't it?

I wish you luck with your story,

meeresstern1983

Great Chapter=Luv,Love^^=]-xoxox-

ai like it

Wow!! I loved it! I even love the fluff!
Ja!

they have totally switched places its funn, =]

i loike the idea of her being older =]]

hi Gin-chan! Gin means silver, ty 4 faving me earlier, a lot earlier, hey, maybe i can Beta Read 4 ya since ur native language isnt English, ill PM u once my profile says that i'm eligible

ZOMG!! NOES...lmao..nose..anyway..NOES NOT THE DREDDED CLIFFHANGER!! Oh and..Err...I'm not saying this to be mean or anything...but..you don't need to use '!' after everything they say. use a period when they are talking regually b'cuz it makes them sound like they are hyper and excited like here
(1)"I'm going to bed!" Tommy(made it up..first thing to come to mind) said tiredly.
(2)"I'm going to bed." Tommy said tiredly.
Number one was how you are doing the sentences and it makes him sound sort of hyper, Ne?
Number two, it's kind of Err...what your..Err..not doing? I've never been good at grammer just so you know...but..in this case I have to be! lmao..ok anyway I wasn't saying that to be mean...I was just correcting you (I have a habit of doing that V_V) Oh! and when they do a thought, don't make it sound like it's the narrator or w/e you need to either make it bold/italics (when you use both) or use a '' at the beggining and end ...it sounds A LOT better. lmao ok..well I hope I helped! Oh and...once again..i didn't mean to sound..Err..mean anyway
Ja Ne!





OH and I love your story!! (It's just confusing because of the punsuation...but I know my way around it!)
Ja Ne!