   aFigureOfSpeech
2008-11-09 . chapter 8Okay, can I just say, I have so much love for you. Love love love, all over the place. Ahh, Zutara… *happysigh*
There are a couple of things I’d like to point out. I’ve noticed some grammar mistakes; nothing too bad, nothing that gets in the way of understanding the story or anything, but yeah… (I’m a bit of a grammar nazi, so I notice this kind of thing. ^^;) It’s mostly punctuation (some missing quotation marks, commas, etc.), though there are some parts where you capitalize random words (which may or may not be intentional, but usually I don’t think you need to), or the spacing of the dialogue makes it slightly confusing as to who is talking.
There’s also Aang. He seemed oddly mature to me in the first couple of chapters (well, maybe that’s just because I’m used hanging out in the “he’s too immature and selfish to let her go and take up his responsibilities” camp); it wasn’t until last chapter, in Katara’s dream that explained it, that Aang (supposedly – I don’t know if he actually did or if that was just the dream) acted younger, more like he was in the show. Admittedly, he IS older in this fic, but not that much, so it seemed slightly inconsistent. Actually, I rereading chapter two and it seems, for whatever reason, not quite so inconsistent; given more context? I suppose Aang could have gotten more mature, and with time to think it realizes that he and Katara need a break from whatever weird state their relationship is. But I don’t know; it just seems…out of place? Or something.
That being said – I absolutely LOVE how you portray everyone else. And I feel like being specific, so I’m going to start with Mai. Now, I’m not an entirely huge fan of Mai – she’s okay, but Maiko kinda rains on my Zutara parade, so… You know how it is. (Good Mai-Katara bonding fic though: “Twenty Truths about Mai and Katara” by Mistress of Sarcasm – it’s got Maiko and Kataang, but the author is Zutara – and has written some awesome stuff – and I like it. :) ) But you did her character some justice. Like you said, she wasn’t a villain (if anything, Zuko was really the villain – anger issues indeed), just a girl torn between the guy she used to love, the guy he became, and the guy she loves now. And eventually she realizes that as much as she cares about Zuko, she can’t be the person he wants her to be AND have any kind of happiness. I loved that line – I really love him, and you're so busy being passionate about everything else, that you can't be passionate about me too. I want to feel things Zuko." Personally, I’ve always thought these two are a mismatch of characters (okay, okay, that stems from me being a hard-core Zutarian, but whatever), and this has been a long build-up.
Next character: Katara! First of all – man is she oblivious. I mean really, waterbending in white underclothes? It made me laugh. And, oh, walking out of the Fire Lord’s room in a shirt that rather obviously not your own? Yeah… >.> People get ideas from that sort of thing you know (yay Captain Jee! Whose name, um, you spelled differently a couple of times, btw). Anyway…she’s kind and compassionate, like she’s supposed to be, but she still teases Zuko all the time (I love it when they banter!). And she isn’t just all goody-goody, she has her human moments too, like with Aang. Then there’re those times with Zuko, when she comforts him, or he comforts her, and it’s just FANTASTIC. Makes the romantic in me sigh with pure happiness. :D Like the Azula scene! Omg, I loved that! It was so sad, and so human, and it makes me want to steal it for a fic that I want to write at some point. Seriously, it was so touching, and he wanted to hate his sister but he just couldn’t BECAUSE she was his sister, and Katara was just there for him like she always seems to be and she GETS him and always seems to know what to say to him and… *sigh* ^_^
And then there’s Zuko! I swear, I think he’s my favorite in how you portray characters! He’s strong and cool and can be smooth if he’s not thinking about it too hard (like the dancing scene – omg, so hot!), but he’s got these anger issues still (not that I blame him, it’s totally understandable, though after a certain point not necessarily excusable), and he as these vulnerable moments where he gets comfort from Katara. *squee* It makes me so happy. That last scene especially, in the cave, and Zuko’s afraid of the dark – it’s a character point that never even occurred to me, but it totally makes sense. After his mama disappeared, he associated the dark with people leaving (he was little, after all!) and people just kept leaving him and oh! It’s so sad. But I loved it, and the way Katara helped him, and omg I can’t even handle the fabulousness that was that scene. It makes me want to steal it too (well, specifically the Zuko-is-afraid-of-losing-people-in-the-dark and Katara helping him with it). But yeah. :D
Now all this needs is some serious romantic tension (hint hint: character angst over romantic feelings is the lulz. Especially Zuko!angst. Over Katara. And how hot she is. And how she unwittingly tortures him with this. Training cloths indeed…), Toph, and Jun and it would be perfect. And, you know, probably Ursa too. And how Zuko got his scar. And their alter egos need to come up at some point too. Heeheehee…
Oh, and I’m so curious about these *looks up name* Qing Jie people. Bendism (lol, yay for making up words!) is totally plausible, especially after a war like that. Bloodbending can be creepy, but I also hope that Katara figures out that bloodbending can be used in good ways too. *coughStormbendercough* And I’m totally expecting an explanation for this bloodbending person! And, you know, the whole secret society thing.
…Wow, uber long review. ^^; I, uh, got a little carried away there. I’m usually just a lurker too… Oh well. I liked it so much anyway. I can’t wait to see the next chapter. I expect epicness! :) |
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