I suspect someone already brought this up, but this chapter is pretty choppy.. the writing itself is entertaining, but the paragraphs are all spliced together. Sentences start and then merge into a piece of text that was in a paragraph earlier on. Plus the chapter restarts itself partway through...

The story itself is great, I just wanted to point that bit out.)

I think you have something here, I'm just hoping that you can put the "jacob imprinting" into only the next chapter because I have read a few stories about how both Edward and Jake leave Bella and how she gets better but the part that I wana read is how she gets better, not 6 chapters telling me how Jake was helping her and then he imprinted...

This is just a subjestion, your story would be good eather way!