You really got on writing splurge huh! I am glad to see another Mionel fan and I am definately reading all of your stories! Fabulous job!

I'll throw a little criticism your way. While your story has potential you should think about trying a different style/format from script and definitely using spelling and grammar checks on Word or what software you use. It can't write the story but it can improve it and hide any imperfections. Well done so far.