It's pretty good, but I do find it a little confucing... I think that it need to describe a little more The story sound good I'm waiting for updates

Pretty good start. Just add some more description and you'll be on your way! Keep it up!

Great, cant wait for more. Just a little advise. Try putting some discriptive writing in to break up the speech, it halps hold the readers attention a little better. So fars good. Do carry on.

Ernil x.