WHOOHOO FOR NAKED SERAS!

Don't know what you're talkin' about, Seras is hot! Good story though.

Well I think it's weird no one reviewed yet, especially since it's really not a bad story. There however are a few things you have to work on, Looking from the situatons I guess you read the books from Rowlings as the movies did not reach so far yet.

One thing you should look at is Layout. Took at how Rowlings writes. Filling the pages up as clean as possible making it more attractive for your eyes. You tend to use a lot of one-liners.

The other is discription. Try to describe the situation more to enhance the feeling, Suck the reader into the story! I know you can do it.