 anon 2008-07-11 . chapter 1 Interesting start, I look forward to seeing the rest of the story. However there are a few minor flaws I would like to address. Canon-wise, Hermione's middle name is Jean, not Jane (an easy mistake, since Jo changed it from the former to the latter in the 7th book). That's very insignificant, though. There are a couple of little grammar mistakes too: for example it should be "they're gone" not "their gone." Also- where is the Knight Bus? Perhaps it hasn't been invented then, which you might want to mention since I would assume it would rescue a stranded witch. Lastly, why would she go to Kings Cross Station? I don't think the Hogwarts Express would run hourly...
Anyway, as I said just a few problems. Overall it seems interesting, and I love the original start of how she got transported back. |