 mgunh1 2008-07-20 . chapter 2That ain't disappointment you're tasting ^^
You are a very good writer and this is coming together nicely. I like how you've set up the relationship between the two boys - less of a friendship, more of a dictatorship. You have really explored that well and I hope you use that relationship to full effect. I am also interested in this Clare character, she and Andrew seem a perfect match up so far. They're both insane!
Thoughts: So far you have done very well. You are exploring things nicely and are updating quickly. Just on a side of caution, don't explore the relationships into much detail yet, allow them to build up over a few chapters. Although, the two boys were very nicely summed up here - try and play with this a bit, that should be quite interesting. How much of this can he really take? How long will it take for him to realise that Andrew isn't his friend?
Good stuff ^^
As always, looking forward to more! |
 mgunh1 2008-07-11 . chapter 1Gah, wah?! O... K... Um... That was... unexpected... I like it, I want more! I can't give good criticism right now, as this is your first chapter and I don't think I've read any of your work before. But still, this is VERY good.
Looking forward to more. |