You should so write more!! I love it, I want more, it amkes me sad that the story ends there, i want them to end up together! Please?

xx

Yeah it really needs to be edited. The grammar and spelling is not good in some parts. BUT I'll definitely give you credit and say that this was a very good attempt. You should write more stories and just make sure you edit them more. Good job.
Smiles,
Bomba

Hey... this is really good! The only thing is, your grammar is a little bit everywhere.. maybe you should look into getting a beta? (someone who checks grammar, spelling, etc.) I'd be happy to do it, if you let me know in a PM or whatever... thanks!!

CS
X

I really think you should have fixed all the spelling mistakes before you posted this. And you should also have tried to use this little sign more , , , , , , , , There's way too many long sentences...

But it's a really good story and if you decide to continue with it I'll be glad to read it :)
(If you try to work on your grammar, that is)