I really don't have any words to describe how good that was. I need to learn from you! And, you've given me inspiration! I'm going to try a story on why Ren hates Akito so much (there has to be a lot more going on in that brain of hers than "Akira loves her more than me," right? And how is that statement even justified? Plus, why did she want Akito to dress like a boy...? I'll try to find some kind of reason for those.) Thank you!

Ooh, good. I was just (well, you know, a while ago) looking into post-partum depression and psychosis, cursorily at least, for my original stuff, and it's all so very sad and compelling; I cannot imagine anything that would suit Ren better. So I'mna read it and come back up here after...

Oh. Kay. That was awful. I mean, it was brilliant, of course, but it was - I don't know why I'm fixated on the word "awful" but I swear to god it's, I don't know, the sound of it or something, like A and W together somehow are better than the other sounds out there for capturing the sinking sort of want-to-cry-and-can't feeling of this, the... frustration and helplessness and futile sort of anger; I don't think I can convey how perfectly you captured it all.

But. The sleeplessness, especially; being so tired, "so exhausted she can feel it in her bones; a deep weary ache that just won’t ease" and not being able to sleep - just how much that in and of itself sets the mood. The way - this is her POV, but we hear so much about Akira, because her focus is so much on him. The... I mean, he's sick, there's nothing she can do, but "she swore she would keep him healthy and happy", and she's in an absolutely impossible position, which she can't concede is impossible or it makes it, makes her, pointless, but not admitting it is just making it worse for her, and for him because he worries for her, and for her because she hates worrying him. Gah. Vicious circles, you weave them.

"And she can’t really tell that she’s not."
- That, that is just chilling. It makes me sorry for her, and frightened of her, and scared for Akito... when you can't even TELL... she's just not right, and it makes me ache for her...

"So she carefully removes her hand, afraid of waking him... That’s when the baby begins to cry."
- And this is where it segues into so perfectly capturing the nasty, jealous, frustrating feeling... I know a pale echo of it from being an older sister; to have someone you love so much, and whose attention you want, and to go to the trouble of helping them even in the most basic way (like, say, not waking them up) and feel really quite pleased with yourself for being so very self-sacrificing, sort of officious, and then to have someone else spoil it all AND get the attention that you could have had only you were too good to ask for it and it doesn't get you anywhere, doesn't even get the person you were trying to help anywhere... And then to have all of that intensified by one thousand, and by the fact that I adored my siblings and Ren has a daughter everyone says she should love (her child, special child) but for whom she feels nothing but jealousy... god, and all this rambling to say that you CAPTURE that feeling so well, over this whole fic, but starting there especially.

"But no one comes, and the crying continues, making her want to cover her ears, to ignore it. But, for Akira’s sake, she knows she can’t."
- And that, too, that... when you're already tired enough to cry, to have something making noise and then it makes you angry because you want to ignore it, just to punish it, but if no one does anything... and then when you're worried about someone else to add to it all... Just. Her being quiet leaving the room. God.

"Ren watches in fixated fascination as the thin chest fills, rising and falling rapidly, and she thinks she can almost see the beating heart beneath the birdlike ribs."
- And that, too, is chilling - even before the threat, even before I knew, it was... scary, because the mere fact of a baby's fragility can be. And with Ren - because it would be so, so easy.

“And at that moment, she knows what has been keeping her from sleep; what makes the shadows dance, and what whispers to her in the night. She knows the cause of Akira’s worry, and her own weariness, and she knows she can make it stop."
- I just can't even... it's all so perfect, I mean, you've got her so well. The awfulness. Because she's right, in a way, and. At the same time it's just jealousy, but she is hurting, and she could make it go away...

“You’re holding her.”
- After that "undertone of fear" - GOD. He's so trusting, and of course he'd see what he's looking for. The poignancy of it. That he should have to be relieved that his wife is holding her own daughter, that Ren should have to go through any of this, that, I don't know, it's so awful.

Her wanting to tell him... "She could tell him, but, gentle man that he was, he would disbelieve, and he would hope that would be enough to change her mind."
- Because... I mean, that's the man she fell in love with, and their union is so very special, and there that's what... I mean, the baby. And he won't ever understand. She's so... alone.

"He tears his eyes away from the tiny bundle, and his reluctance feels like a knife in her ribs."
- Just... yes.

"She’s fairly sure he’ll wake with a fever. And even if it was caused by tonight’s wanderings, his contented expression lets her know that he wouldn’t mind, that he would find it a worthy sacrifice to have witnessed what he thought he had seen."
- Again, just yes. The infuriating, suffocating... she just has nothing to use here. No leverage. Nothing that would be worth the consequences.

"Because she loves him too much to tell him the truth, and he doesn’t love her enough to let her."
- And that's the whole fic in one line, really, and it just makes me cry. Their whole... everything Akito is to her. And it's not fair to either of them, but it is so beautiful in its shards.

"She cries silently, so she will not wake him."
- And that's one of those closing lines that... I mean. Akito cried and woke him, and for that he just saw her again and loved her more, and Ren has only being unseen to bank on, and that's awful.

I enjoyed how you managed to capture the dynamics of this relationship in a short time. I also liked the psychological focus of the story.