"His life was bundled up with Kyle’s like a china tea set, or a pair of candlesticks, or bookends: You couldn’t buy one without the other."

BRILLIANT. SOLID ADORATION. There are so many stinging lines in this chapter (Craig wanting to get shot in the face when he turns 50, the idea of Kyle masturbating to NPR). I love that you had the balls to only mention Kenny and Cartman briefly; all the details in this story feel so precise and unforced. I've never been a Craig/Tweek fan, but the unapologetic kinky/caring dynamic between them was one of my favorite parts of the story. And of course, the ending filled me with warm fluffy middle-aged glee.

oh god the apt wonderfulness of this fic *slays* me. i love seeing stories with the boys unabashedly middle-aged, with their unique set of problems, and the characterization had me throttled with laughter. dramatic, bitchy kyle + weary everyman stan + evil, luxe toppy craig (but with occasional tenderness! i love that he let tweek off the leash in the store because it was hurting him) + sex-slave tweek + elementary teacher butters = a thing of beauty. i feel that the sartorial details were hilarious and -- a rare thing in fanfiction -- inserted naturally in the prose: craig's miniscule shorts and flip-flops, stan's v-neck cable-knit sweater, kyle's flimsy lounge pants. clever and heart-breaking and realistic <3

Part four on dA starts with Kyle and Stan interrogating Tweek on the couch, which I really, really love. My favorite facet of this scene is the glimpses we get of Stan and Kyle through each other’s eyes. Kyle’s is like, “Stan’s standing at the wall looking upset, but WHATEVER,” whereas Stan’s got a huge paragraph of how emotionally torn he is. The last line in that part, “Stan was just the band, providing the sensational background to the whole thing” really rings true here, in more ways than one. It’s amazing that Kyle is so pissed about this that he orders Tweek to write them up a new contract after seeing firsthand that Tweek cannot button a shirt by himself.

I’m so glad that Tweek finally defended Craig a little. I feel like it has to do with Stan and Kyle—well, mostly Kyle—ganging up on him. But the fact that Tweek is in a generally happy relationship made me really relieved. It wiped out the whole internal conflict I had going about whether or not Craig was the bad guy or Kyle was the bad guy or whoever. Whether or not they can see eye to eye, they’re on equal footing, which I appreciate a lot.

That Stan sees fit to examine a crack in the ceiling at such a pivotal time is significant to me, as I see all the architecture in this story as at least partly symbolic. Finally, he lays down the law to Kyle, and the fic really starts moving. Coincidence? I think not!

Haha, Kyle wouldn’t fit through the office window! I LOVE THAT.

I think it’s ironic that while Stan has a stronger emotional tie to the shop, Kyle’s the one who cares more about it financially (at least, that’s what I got from the line about the utility bills).

By the time we reach the part about Tweek possessing childlike qualities, I’m totally waiting for it. Age plays a big role in this story, I think…all sorts of age. Emotional age, physical age, what age means to certain people. It’s funny that it becomes a theme in and of itself in this fandom because you never see it. To make it a factor already gives it weight (not unlike Kyle, pft). I’m not saying that their being older has nothing to do with the rest of the fic, because it’s full of themes that require some...um, temporal maturity! The marriage thing, their relationships, the importance of schedule—but you could’ve made this a story where they were in their twenties or thirties, and you didn’t. I am aware of that, and I think the paragraph about Tweek is a very elegant nod to that premise.

Likewise, Stan acknowledging himself and Kyle as a united front is a psychological turning point for him, I think. Or, actually, it sets to motion the train of thought that becomes his turning point. Seeing the way all these pieces are falling into place is thrilling.

I hope you aren’t offended by this comparison, but Kyle coming home in the cold is very “Love Story.” I was expecting the whole “love means never having to say you’re sorry” thing, albeit in a much more sophisticated, eloquent, caustic tone. Just the connotations are enough, the sense you get of reconciliation. I suspect we would’ve seen some kind of make-up conversation if it weren’t for Craig. Stan and Kyle are so holding each other when he shows up! United front, indeed! What’s admirable about Stan and Kyle is that despite all the shit they give each other, they show great strength whenever they stand together. Because it doesn’t happen often (in their onscreen fic time, at least) it’s kind of stunning in its beauty. I love that.

Is it significant that Stan and Ky break their embrace to allow Tweek and Craig their moment of reunion? I think it is. These couples have been competing for the spotlight in various ways, and Stan and Kyle letting go to observe the moment is almost like a concession on their part—a quiet one that doesn’t say “you win” so much as “we see your point.” A neutral understanding. Oh fuck, how stupid did that sound? Don’t hate me.

I did not miss the fact that they held hands and broke apart one more time before the end of the scene. They’re really trying, here. They’re just not quite there yet.

I’m also seeing some symbolism in the weather, by the way. I know that’s not at all a stretch, but I still like the way you did that.

Two little things: you’d think Stan would be pleased that Craig can distinguish his wardrobe from Kyle’s, as I see Stan being generally more fashion-conscious while Kyle has these little nervous moments of being fancy. Also, Broflovski-Marsh with the hyphen is way pretty without an “and.” They’ve been Broflovski-Marsh this whole time, whether they knew it or not.

Kyle getting dressed up the same for Craig as for Randy says so much. It’s almost—well, oedipal isn’t quite the word, but in that vein! Especially since I see Craig as an alternate love interest for Kyle. Not reading too much into that, though, I do find it charming that Kyle seeks the same type of approval from this man he allegedly hates as he does his life partner’s father. Reading even less into it, it’s cute that Ky likes to look good in bad situations.

THIS: “You look like the sort of man who drinks a lot of hurricanes,” he said knowingly. “Because I sure as fuck know you’re the eye in plenty of them.” I THINK IT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE LINES IN THE WHOLE FIC. Snappy, smart, perfect. Fucking love it. It’s right up there with, “You are not fucking South Park’s fucking goddamn gay Batman.”

Craig knows to talk to Kyle, not Stan! How great is that? (Though while you keep reiterating Stan as the background person, I think he conveys an undeniable sense of leadership in many matters.)

This probably wasn’t important, but I thought it was great how Kyle contested the “selfish” part of Craig’s insult and not the “pig fucker” part. You can tell Craig hit a nerve.

I’m going to say this for the forty-millionth time, but we see that Craig and Kyle come from totally different worlds—and Craig calls him about it in no uncertain terms when he says that things can’t be categorized as neatly as they think. That’s important, because I feel like this scene is where it finally hits home. But, even humbled, Kyle also sees that Craig is making the same prejudgments about him and Kyle as Kyle is against Craig and Tweek, which levels their playing field in tons of beautiful ways. (Craig compliments Kyle directly after they reach this unspoken understanding, and that takes so much venom out of their interaction. I love the way you did that.)

Have I told you this before? I cried like a baby when I found out that Craig and Tweek were married. On behalf of Kyle, I was really aching for their marriage, and for just one second—forgetting the fact that Craig and Tweek are now sympathetic characters to me, and that Ky has X faults, and Stan has X faults—it just seems completely unfair that these people could have something that Kyle couldn’t. You feel for Kyle in that way, that very flawed, helpless, human way. He deserves his happy ending, too. Hearing that Craig got his first was like a punch in the stomach. (Except I liked it, despite being very, very upset by it. CRIED. SHAMELESSLY. TEARDROPS ON MY KEYBOARD, SEKRIT.)

(Remember earlier when I said that Kyle was the financial mastermind behind the antique store? Craig is too, of his respective shop. There’s another way you equate unlike characters to each other. Now I’m pretty sure all four of them have something in common with the other three.)

Fuck, this site has character limits on reviews, so I have to wrap this up fast:
1. Money itself has been devalued by these events, and is almost working as an inverse concept. Craig’s offering them their old rent feels like him admitting that they’re NOT worth less than him and Tweek.
2. This fic wouldn’t have been complete without one final sexually charged moment between Craig and Kyle. Well done.
3. Someday I do hope to hear more about Kenny and Cartman in this universe.
4. It is so fucking amazing that Butters has a young girlfriend. Also, they are actually set up as the most “typical” of couples, but the fact that she’s a billion years younger surmounts any delusions of normalcy we might’ve held for Butters. That’s brilliant, because this is absolutely a story about alternative couples.
5. Despite having no reason at all to dislike Butters and Lillian, the knowledge of their marriage hit me the same way as Tweek’s and Craigs. I feel for Kyle SO HARD.
6. Butters retreats from the storyline by means of just wanting to be a customer. How gorgeously fitting, Sekrit. Truly.
7. Kyle rationalizes his distaste for antiques in a hugely relevant way. Can’t tell you how much that impressed me, and how much it moved me.
8. Way to integrate current events with the California refs.
9. I see Randy Marsh’s acceptance of Stan and Kyle as the be all and end all of their trials. I feel like it’ll all be good for them from then on out—well, as good as it gets for them.

I am so nearly fucked for space on this site, Sekrit. I’ve had to stop double-spacing. Here is where I am supposed to summarize my feelings for this fic, but I can’t—both for space restrictions, and the fact that I love it all. Despite my abbreviated conclusion, this is my all-time favorite story, and I meant everything I said in my reviews. This has everything I want, it is pitch perfect, and reading it is such an enormous pleasure that I feel indebted to you every time I open it again. Most importantly, you challenged me to change how I look at relationships in all of their messy incarnations—I am equally moved by every character, and have learned new lessons from all of them. No one else could’ve achieved such a richness of cast, such a wide range of sympathies, a deceptively simple storyline that pushes the reader’s emotions as far as they can go without breaking them.

I will always, always carry this with me. That this is a story about antiquing is ironic, because it is, undoubtedly, a clas

Part three of four, re: dA chapters

You get such a sense of intimacy from these characters, even in small details, like Stan’s bagel-slicer. This might seem over-analytical, but I think you can tell a lot about a person from their kitchen. (Izzy, for example, has a metal breadbox.) Stan having a bagel-slicer makes a lot of sense to me.

Of course you don’t need me to tell you how awesome it is that Tweek doesn’t know how to make his own coffee. That’s the first big warning flag about his character. But I also love how he says that he is “completely dependent,” and when Stan pursues that disclosure, Tweek doesn’t elaborate. That demonstrates Tweek’s loyalty to Craig, even when they’re fighting. It’s like he doesn’t want Craig to get in trouble. (Though I guess you could also interpret that in a different way—that Tweek is too ashamed of his reliance to want to talk about it? I prefer the first theory, but that’s what’s interesting about their relationships: they can be just as unhealthy or alternative or beautiful as you want them to be.)

This is super cool: whereas Kyle and Tweek had a pretty decent conversation that actually became a little personal, Stan is totally out of his element when dealing with Tweek and his obvious emotional problems. I think of Kyle as the more…damaged of the two? Stan and Ky, that is, not Kyle and Tweek. And “damaged” sounds a little overdramatic, but I actually think Kyle has more brewing below the surface than Stan does in this fic.

Tweek’s pretty meek, but he can still summon the nerve to complain about the coffee! Great touch. And this line of his: “I just like strong things. Strong, forceful, bitter, unpleasant, stringent things.” You were the first to point out that CraigxTweek doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but that’s a pretty cute rationale.

Can the coffee also be a metaphor, please? Because Tweek likes it, but it’s too strong for Kyle? That says something to me about why Craig and Kyle aren’t a couple, and it hints at Tweek’s inner strength, yay!

Tweek saying that he doesn’t like things being in order seems initially contradictory to me. I always got the impression that order was something he wanted, but couldn’t achieve. But the more I think about it, the more sense it makes to me—again, we’ve got Stan and Kyle as a very “vanilla” couple, what with the dinner routines and bagel slicers and family get-togethers. Craig and Tweek are alternative, aren’t they? I really like that.

Two poignant dressing moments occur during this same scene: Kyle buttoning Tweek’s shirt for him, and then Stan helping Kyle put his coat on, oh my god! I don’t think of any of these guys in terms of a sentimental pecking order, but if I did, there it is. Tweek, Kyle, Stan. Aw.

(Kyle’s really sexual to everyone except Stan, isn’t he? There’s this thing with Craig, then his joking with Tweek. What a tease.)

Kyle does the number-crunching in the back while Stan mans the front desk. Is this a Jewish thing? Either way, I love it. I definitely think Stan is much better at customer service.

Oh, oh, I forgot that Stan actually tells Kyle in no uncertain terms that he thinks Kyle’s holding out on him as a means of control! Oops! I think I speculated about that earlier, which renders all my “insight” completely useless. Oh well. The fact that Stan knows concretely that this is what Kyle is doing makes them both a little at fault here, as surely Stan is intelligent enough to figure out Kyle’s reasons. This has been about the marriage thing for a long time now without you having ever mentioned it again. Have you seen “Revolutionary Road” with Kate Winslet and Leo? Don’t bother if you haven’t, but it’s the same sort of deal. They kind of pick at each other; they say nothing about their real problems and focus instead on more trivial things. That’s the same fascinating aspect of Stan and Kyle’s relationship, and it’s really poetic and realistic and beautiful, the way you do it here.

God, between the sea foam carpeting and the lavender countertops, Kyle sure made some poor decorating choices! Bonus: I now use these same colors whenever I make houses for Stan and Kyle in the Sims. Damn you, Sekrit.

I love the quiet line about Kyle wanting a baby. I actually can’t tell you how much I love it. It makes me a little teary.

(Did you do the “million sea foam carpet fibers” line on purpose? You know, like the Towelie episode?)

I think it’s so charming how Kyle is the one who refers to Tweek’s situation as a life of “emotional abandonment.” If we needed any further evidence of Kyle’s own emotional needs, there it is—he’s projecting on Tweek, though not unreasonably. By the way, I love that whole scene. It concludes with an outright admission that Kyle lashes out at people when he’s feeling dumb. We needed to hear that by now. It reminds us that he’s human and he’s hurting.

Again with your Sharon and Randy. What can I say about them that you don’t already know? You keep them so consistent, hyperbolized in their (relatively) old age. Specifically, Sharon murdering vegetables and telling Stan to stick up for himself, because I totally think she’ll always be more of a man than her son. (It’s awesome that she’s still in touch with Sheila.) I like how we learn about Tweek’s parents in such an effective but not overdone way.

I double-checked this, and I was going to say that I felt a contrast between the Sharon-Stan conversation and the Randy-Stan conversation, but visually, they’re about the same. That makes it even more awesome. You get this distinct change of pace between how he talks to either parent. This might be because I think Sharon’s is more intellectually fueled, at least on the outside, while Randy’s seems succinct and basic despite being almost the same dialogue-to-prose ratio. Your command of rhythm is apparent between these two scenes. In his own way, Randy is very informed, in just the same way that Sharon is slightly oblivious. You made them perfect for each other because of their differences—a kind of balance that you maintain with every couple in this story. Well done.

(I had to look up Tom of Finland. Oh my god, Sekrit. What a great thing to reference!)

Finally, the whole permanent vegetative state thing has got to be a reference to Best Friends Forever. I love it when you do these rehashes of old official themes. The knowledge of Tweek’s ownership of the shop could not have come at a better place, because it has such weight after these when-X-character-dies scenarios, even with their comedic value. Stan stopping the car was, like, emotional punctuation. I totally felt him slam the brakes when I read that, if you get me.

I liked this chapter break so much on DeviantArt, and am so glad I read it there first.

Okay, remember how I'm responding to the dA chapters? That is why you get too many reviews, and two out of the four are anon. Here is my response to part 2:

Your Butters is freaking wonderful. He’s amazingly, dopily in character, but he serves as a punch line for the whole story because he ends up being the normal one. Love what that says about the rest of the cast! Plus, I can totally see him riding his bike to town and taking in his rabbit to share with his students and eating delicious raisin bran. The way you tacked Kyle’s line into Butters’ introductory paragraph—“Oh, whatever”—managed to discredit his character and validate him at the same time, and it was super sweet how Stan thinks they should be paying him more (despite being horrified at the idea of wearing the same sweater as him). They say you should measure people by how they treat their lessers, not their equals, and Stan and Kyle are still likeable even though they’re higher on the totem pole. Amazing stuff, Sekrit.

In retrospect, Butters’ mention of his girlfriend comes a lot sooner than you’d think it would. In that way, we’re kind of forced to giggle about our own preconceived notions. But you still set him up so that Lillian is both an acceptable and endearing facet of 40-year-old Butters. Sexually active 40-year-old Butters.

I like how Stan had the reaction at this realization, having been frustrated by his sex deprivation since the beginning of the fic. Then, with the marriage issue, it becomes Kyle’s hurdle! Their microfight over the backrubbing kind of epitomizes their current relational status without being overly dramatic.

Sneaky, bittersweet few lines about their good old days. I saw what you did there. That was unexpectedly moving.

I never thought to rank rabbits below Pomeranians on a gay pet scale—I’ve, um, really never actually thought to make a gay pet scale—but you’re totally right. And I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but Stan and Kyle’s failing business is a perfect metaphor for their relationship. Every time they talk about the problems with the store, I have to pause to reevaluate what they’re saying in terms of how they’re doing with each other. Shit, I know I’ve said that before. But it rings very true. It’s also a great way to keep people interested in the antiquing…which isn’t boring or anything, but it does make all the mechanics seem that much more relevant.

Love it when Stan and Kyle compare the store to their baby. I don’t know if it’s a media myth or what, but unhappy couples in movies are always staying together “for the children.” I think of Stan and Kyle as doing the same thing. See? Who says men can’t have gaybies? This is subtle architectural mpreg or something, Sekrit, and it’s really clever.

The mention of the Indian burial ground was freaking fantastic, thanks. And “they preferred not knowing” sounds like a pretty good general statement for Butters.

I agree that Stan is more the type of person to appreciate things like sales and antiquity and history; it’s a quiet but effective nod to his being a more aesthetic character than his friends, canon. Stan writes the angsty poetry and says lyrical things. Kyle’s more no-nonsense, kind of a neutral. Both their stances on the antiquing make so much sense. I love that, like in the first chapter, Kyle’s stance on the antique shop is primarily dependant on his emotions toward Stan. I think this justifies the less positive aspects of his personality—the overreactions, the occasional irrationality, the sexual stinginess—because it proves that, sometime in his life, he was very willing to meet Stan halfway.

I’m interested how Stan knows for sure than sex as a relationship facilitator is a distinctly Male!Broflovski characteristic. He talks to Gerald or Ike? That’s a cool idea, because Kyle’s relationship with Sharon and Randy still seems strained despite its regularity. I like the Marshes as a difficult family to get along with. Sheila aside, I think the Broflovskis are actually more cavalier than the Marshes about a ton of things. Not many people seem to share that opinion, but that’s the feeling I get from this fic.

This is a great moment: Stan and Kyle tired after a day of work, chilling together on the couch. Stan wanted to hear Kyle’s voice is one of those understated sweet things that really emphasizes the quiet workings of their relationship. The fact that you work in nuance as well as generality is possibly my favorite part of your writing. (Have I said that before about something else? Whatever. You know I love it all.)

You’ve pointed out Stan’s cooking ability in various fic, and this portrayal really agrees with me. Perfect integration of Shelly in a small detail that could’ve been trivial. As Stan to his antiques, you are conscious of your characters’ backstories and family lives.

I’m kind of a sucker for Fosse, for whatever reason, and it somehow pleases me that he still uses VHS. Heheh. That’s gay. He’s gay.

Okay, about Tweek? He is really freaking adorable. I feel like the characters in this are all insanely strange in some capacity, and Tweek expends all of his weirdness in behavioral traits—which leaves him unusually (and endearingly) civil. You sure know how to balance these quirks, because I could see someone like myself epically fucking up everyone until they are completely unrelatable. The way Stan and Kyle react to his arrival is hilariously low-key.

I didn’t catch Tweek’s pill line the first time. Rather, I did, but I dismissed it. Good casual placement of that detail, because in all subsequent readings we can see that you were never being cryptic—the magnitude of Tweek’s disorder is still epic enough to be a plot twist without being a cheap emotional blow. (Heh, blow.)

The antique store is Craig’s leverage over Stan and Kyle. Tweek is Stan and Kyle’s leverage over Craig. I don’t know how to equate the two. This could either make Tweek seem like a more trivial part of Craig’s life, or it could again personify the antique shop as a loved one for Stan and Kyle. I interpret this in different ways each time I read.

Stan never quite gives Kyle an official go-ahead for the whole Tweek-as-currency plan, which I appreciate.

I’ll probably say this again, if I haven’t already, but everyone has crazy sex lives except for Stan and Ky! Poor Stan, getting hit over the head with this realization over and over. I’ve wondered sometimes about Kyle’s awareness of Stan’s frustration, and have decided that it is probably a selective ignorance on his part. I don’t think he’s withholding it just to be an ass. I do think he’s aware of it, though, maybe on a more subconscious level, because his desire for sex is so strongly related to his current feelings of romantic interest. When you think about it, that actually makes Kyle the more tragic, sensitive character! Weird!

(P.S. I like their clothes. The scene where they’re at home is conspicuously full of clothing descriptions, so of course, being me, I’ve decided that it is all very significant. Tweek donning Stan’s clothes is telling because it makes me think he’s the rational person of his own relationship—which not only makes Craig the Kyle, it makes Kyle…teehee. Fat. I see what you did there.)

I am so happy with the scene between Kyle and Tweek that follows, though. I think you needed to touch upon their interaction, and you did it in a way that really humanizes them both. They relate on some levels. You know how I overuse the phrase “different sides of the same coin?” This is kind of like that. But they’re, like…different coins with the same side. If that makes any sense at all. The way that they have some common concerns and opinions is great, especially because you present them through a mild debate in which neither really concedes to the other. It’s a very crafty battle of wills. They both come out of it stronger, and without making one seem like the “lesser” person. Great, great job.

Finally, Tweek was the first person to say he needed time away from Craig. Given how far this whole thing goes, that was probably the wisest choice ever. I think you know what I mean. Tweek needed to not be an unwilling participant in this ordeal, both to justify Stan and Kyle and to demonstrate a small but impressive presence of self-esteem. He shines here, and in every scene after. Thanks for not shafting a peripheral character in lieu of the big names. I’m sure Tweek would appreciate it, and so do I.

So SO sweet. Gosh.

I have to say, I really hated Craig. So very much. But I guess that's what you wanted, right? For one, I despise flip-flops with a passion, so that fact that he always wore them is an automatic problem. And he's such a jerk.

Tweek, on the other hand, was absolutely adorable, and perfectly portrayed in every way. I loved the part where he and Kyle were together and you mentioned that it was like holding a baby, tying into Kyle's want for a family. I started to think that maybe he was caring so much for Tweek was subconciously because it was the same as caring for a kid. The references to Tweek being feral were priceless, and I could totally picture it in my head.

This story gave me a feeling in my heart as I read it. It wasn't one of those stories where Stan and Kyle get into a big argument and then break up; obviously because they're 41 and have been together for so long. They kept living their lives even though they were dissatisfied with each other and uncomfortable. It was a more subtle hurt between them rather than a life changing explosion that shook their lives. I can't imagine though, for the life of me, why Stan is so devoted to his shop. Maybe that's just me, I'm not the biggest fan of antiques actually.

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but you are a master of dialouge! Be it Craig's raving bellows to Stan's mumbling asides (his fear of being a man, as his mother would put it - hilarious!) everything just seems so natural, and I literally chuckled out loud at some of the one liners. The ending made me feel all warm inside as well! However, I do think that Randy's sudden acceptance was a little downplayed - it's a significant part of the characters' motivation, but at the end is just like "Oh, my son's gay, here have a check! The end." That was the only thing that didn't sit right with me.

Other than that, this was a perfectly flowing master peice. I'm going to take a break and then probably end up reading another one of your fics later on!

Keep writing, my friend, the fandom needs more people like you!

(Okay. Okay. I’m posting this because I want to read the next chapter of FH without feeling TOO guilty. I know that this wasn’t the plan, but it’s stupid to have feedback just sitting on my computer without sharing it with you. This is part one of…four. Because I’m going off the dA chapter breaks, but there are only two parts here. So expect three more comments, two of them anonymous because of the review cap here. Not to mention the character limit! Sorry about the typos.)

This whole thing opens with a setting. I love that. You’ve established antiquing as the main idea, which is both accurate and deceptive--I mean, as with every well-executed theme, the antiquing is operating as the central idea on a primarily symbolic level. Also? Fucking amazing parallelism. Antiquing: rare things, varied things, old things. The characters: atypical people, diverse people, forty-one-year-old people! I feel so bad calling the cast “antiques,” because they’re totally not that old, but…oh my god; we’re so young! They are ancient! And that makes the whole piece even more allegorical and consistent. I will so come back to this.

Also notable is the immediate distinction between Craig and Stan and Kyle, again defined in terms of the subject matter: Craig is mid-century modernism, which makes S&K kitschy, if you compare the content of their stores. You’ve got Barcelona chairs versus mint-green sofas, tangerine glass sculptures versus doilies and floral prints. This feels ironic, because my initial reaction is to reverse the two…but, then again, it really depends on which aspect of the contrasting relationships you’re actually examining. Not that everyone knows that yet. Oh, no. So, in retrospect, the definitions being more fluid and adaptable than I initially thought was another way you presented the “things are not what they appear” premise. I got just as much out of my second (and third and fourth) reading as I did the first. That’s just about the greatest sign of a mature, highly structured story. Amazing!

It’s really interesting how you started this story with Craig and Tweek. Opening with their relationship was a quick, clever way to establish them as proper human beings before making them (well, Craig, at least) antiheroes. It also shed some normalcy on what turns out to be a very unusual relationship.

I appreciate that Kyle doesn’t like antiques, but understands how important the shop is in his and Stan’s relationship. It’s a constant. That totally explains why the threat of losing it is such an emotionally derailing concept. Dare I say that it’s almost become the personification of their love? Nurtured, mutual, endangered, unique, aging, chock full of junk and valuables…the list goes on and on. It means more to them than financial stability. I’m not saying that I ever worried they would break up, because it’s clear they’ve reached a pretty solid checkpoint together, but it also seems like they’re staling a little. Just like their business. (Oh my god, the schnauzer that didn’t respect Kyle!! How very fussy and valid!)

You know, actually, all four of the (romantic) relationships in this story are unusual and loving. Randy and Sharon are a great example of this. Randy is as close to canon as you can get here with his hilarious denseness, yet he still addresses some of Stan and Kyle’s more serious personal issues better than they do. I love Sharon’s defensive drinking and the early presentation of the marriage quandary!

I love the following Stan-Kyle scene, too. Here, we find out that Kyle is melodramatic and discontent, and Stan has a healthy sex drive. I mean, just kidding, that’s totally not the point. Kyle is live-in-the-moment romantic and Stan is think-ahead practical. This confirms their individualism and the apparent disquiet in their relationship, but you still manage to make them a reasonable, loving couple. Still, Kyle is looking towards two very practical things for validation--Stan’s dad’s understanding, and a legal union. Really, they’ve been together for 25 years without any official confirmation; I can empathize with his discontentment. So, maybe Kyle isn’t being melodramatic at all.

Nice touch, though, with Stan being able to memorize dates, and Kyle writing little notes everywhere. And Stan taking some satisfaction in having some minimal specialized knowledge in his field! You’ve maintained him as Average Joe, in the most charming way.

Okay, this is random, but do you know what made me go, “OH SHIT--ANTIQUING” after so long? I was thinking about “Freak On A Leash” by Korn, and then I was like, “Wait…why do I keep wanting to say ‘Tweek on a leash?’” I don’t want to call that the best image of the story, because that seems like a rather shallow thing to have concentrated on…but oh my god, there is just so much to that visual!! I shouldn’t go into metaphors, but Craig’s got Kyle and Stan on a leash, too, and Tweek’s got Craig on one right back. Plus…it’s fucking hot.

I love the part about Tweek being “a walking personification of the nervous system.” That is amazing. Also, this sentence: “It never seemed like a great romance, but to Stan and Kyle, anything that failed to mimic their own relationship made no sense.” It’s especially cool because you never pretend that this isn’t the case--Craig says something along those lines, and even Stan (not as much Kyle, but sort of) understands that they aren’t perfect and tend to impose their principles on other people. And Craig is such a sexy beast in this. He’s an asshole landlord who wears flip-flops and openly picks wedgies and still manages to be golden and muscled and hilarious. Notably, you wrote this before his whole “Pandemic” arc, and he has the same deadpan disdain for the boys here as he did in canon. That is impressive. It means you are exceptionally observant.

The whole scene where Craig and Tweek appear is also really awesome because you can read back and go like, “Oh, dude, they’re totally both happy with this!” if you want. But you could also interpret it as Craig being terrifying, and Tweek being terrified. Basically, it exactly as fucked up as you think it is. I read this same scene differently depending on my mood.

Wait wait, another thing: Craig and Kyle have some unresolved sexual tension. This is so fucking hot without being overdramatic. Kyle scopes out Craig and tends to get flattered quickly when he compliments him, and Craig says that he thinks Kyle’s temper is attractive in the last chapter. I love that this is presented not as potential for cheating, just a very natural and subliminal part of their dynamic. It’s also a sign of their investment in their significant others that they never consider acting on this mutual magnetism (as hostile as it is). They’re like the final piece of this whole relational circle, in which every type of couple is properly represented. You couldn’t have called this a story about all kinds of love without an antagonistic pairing, but you gave every aspect the right attention. Excellent choice, truly.

The fact that Kyle expresses sexual interest in Craig before he does Stan is a great signifier of their perhaps-not-as-perfect-as-it-seems romance.

You know what’s also symbolic is the fact that Stan and Kyle have this shop, the private and physical manifestation of their love, and Craig just walks in holding all the keys. I like how casually he reaches into his pocket and gives Tweek full access to their safe house. His intrusion on their business is more than professional; it’s physical, and it’s personal. That makes him a great villain on so many levels--and I wonder also about the significance of the rent money and buy-out offer, and how he sees fit to put a price on Stan and Kyle’s relationship to see how much it’s worth to them.

(This is nothing thoughtful, but I love this line: “I voted for there not to be a 12-hour line at the polling place.” Oh, Stan, so comfortable and justified in his societal indifference!)

HEY, and look at this, here: “Stan and Kyle both stared at Craig dumbly, waiting for him to do something like pull out one of those New Year’s Ever champagne popper noise-makers and scream ‘Just kidding!’ and then hug both of them, although they both knew deep down that all three of these things were about as unlikely as Stan’s father grasping the concept of his son’s sexuality.” And there’s the trick! Stan’s father does end up understanding, and Craig totally gives them back their old deal! This line is so hot after the first read.

Last for this chapter, it pleases me how quickly the boys move between mature, occupational conversation to comebacks like, “Shut up.” You remind us that even though a lot of time has passed, they’re not as far from who they were as it seems. I wouldn’t go so far as to call them childish, but they can sure be petty--and they’re all justified in their parsimoniousness, in some respect or another.

Wow...I have to say that was a wonderful afternoon spent reading this thing. It's so refreshing and rare to read about these two being in their middle years, and a longtime, bickering couple.

Wow, I am so choked by your story, I'm completely speechless, in a good way.

I expect to see more, greater works in the future!

You.

You, you, you, you.

You're so amazing, its crazy, and pleasepleaseplease let me be your loyal, loving, number one fangirl. Please?

Never have I seen such- oh god, this is going to sound so bad, but... never have I read something this powerful. You have kicked my muse into overdrive. Now excuse me as I actually go work on my abandoned Style fic.

Oh, and yes, Happy New Year.

Oh, that was so lovely. =) Your writing is amazing and I absolutely love your characterizations! ♥ I even loved Craig, despite him being a huge jerk-off. Very nicely done.

I feel like this finally deserves a review, given I've read through it multiple times now. I'm so bad at these, though. ;

Let's see: I *love* this story. I mean, I LOVE it. To start off, you have a refreshing premise; they're a middle-aged, bickering couple, whereas in every other fic they're either sappy, falling-in-love teens or angsty, falling-in-love-with-problems teens. Not only is this a much rarer take on their relationship, but it really makes it all feel that much more -real- and captivating. Plus, your characterizations are so unbelievably dead-on with Mr. Marsh as the pinnacle of "cluelessly moronic", Kyle as a pissy bitch, and Stan as the placating pushover-- and this is no small matter, considering accurate personalities are all that separate fanfiction and plain old fiction. Finally, top it off with your impressive merits as a writer overall... and well, then you have created one very cheerful Tofu!

I earnestly hope to see more (STYLE) work from you in the future!

I thought I had already written a review for this but, clearly I haven't. This story is...it's one of those types that I'm reading it and I forget that this is . Your writing is great, the tone of the whole story and how you characterize everybody - I especially love how Craig is written. I think one of my favorite things in this is the lavender Corian - I don't know, something about that seems so...I am not sure, uniquely hilarious. But anyways, this was a fantastic oneshot!

Man, that was long, but it was worth it! Excellent job.

“And I walk by your store,” Tweek continued sadly. “And I see how nice it is inside. I don’t like sharp corners. They hurt when you walk into them. So Craig says, well, don’t walk into them. But how can I stop? They’re everywhere!”

It's 2 o'clock in the morning, and that just made me laugh insanely. Time for chapter 2!