Reviews for Unthinkable - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Unthinkable

electrateazer 2008-07-22 ch 1, anon.	abuseWow. First of all, let me just say that I am now extremely anticipating chapter two. And you better post it! There's nothing I hate more than a story that nobody updates, so I never do know what happens. Now, I will agree that there are a few typos. Just check your writing before you post, and read the whole thing over like three times. Haha. And... is this book based or musical based? My reason for is asking is because Eponine is very, very different in each. At least in my opinion she is, for I am a big fan of the musical. In the book, she is exactly what all the other reviewers here have described. Yet in the musical, it's more so like she is pretty, but it's hidden underneath all that she's been through. 'Nough said. You are an up and coming writer, however. Keep up the good work. Tootles, E.T.
Eponineluvr4eva1 2008-07-22 ch 1,	abuseThanx evry1 for the help. And u know i never knew a lot was spelled as 2 words i always thought it was one. I'm trying to get into the groove of things so bear with me, the beginnings going to be a little rough. I might not be updating for a little while because tomorrow i have a show and then for the next 4 weeks on Mon- Wed. I have musical rehearsals (they still didnt tell us wht musical). So Peace, Love, and the whole 9 Yards.
Corwin Curtis 2008-07-22 ch 1,	abuseStill a few typos, but much better! It is still a bit unbelievable though. Remember: Marius thinks that he is never going to see Cosette again. He's in the grieving process. Take us deeper into his thought process. Why does he finally realize that he loves Eponine? Does his grief have anything to do with it, or is it really true love, ect., ect. I'm glad you took the earlier criticism in stride. Keep going!
Someday I shall get an acco... 2008-07-22 ch 1, anon.	abuseAgreed. However, I wouldn't describe Eponine as 'a bit dumb'. She's uneducated, yes, but you get the impression that for her status, she's fairly canny (when she's not babbling in front of Marius). Anyway, I have to admit, I've only glanced at the story, mostly because of the summary. If you make grammar and spelling mistakes to begin with (for instance, 'a lot' is not one word but two, 'the people she loved life's' should really be changed to 'the lives of the people she loved'...) then readers will avoid the actual story. This probably reads as a little harsh, so I will say this: you have potential as a writer. I recommend reading more fan fiction (it's always good to have an excuse!) so that you can recognise fandom cliches, get to know other interpretations of the characters etc. It worked for me, anyway.
Corwin Curtis 2008-07-22 ch 2,	abusesighs This is gonna be hard. 1.) It is apparent from your user name that you are an Eponine fan. Good for you. The only problem is this: Because you want her to win, instead of Cosette, you make her an entirely different character. You need to be careful of that. Eponine is not beautiful, she is ugly. She has bad hygiene, is possibly carrying several contagious diseases and is a bit dumb. Both Eponine and Marius know this full well. 2.) I didn't really see a reason to start a second chapter. Why not combine them into one, larger chapter? Makes much more sense, seeing as the first chapter is practically a paragraph. Short chapters are okay, but that is a bit too short. 3.) The second paragraph of chapter two pulled me right out of the story. Firstly, Marius is supposed to love Cosette so much, that he would die if he could not be with her. That is why he is at the barricades in the first place. Second, the only emotion Marius seems to be able to conjure up, when it comes to Eponine, is pity. Saying that Marius would leave Cosette for Eponine is like saying that Fantine became a prostitute because she had nothing better to do. It doesn't work, and it completely changes the characters involved. The reason that #3 is such a big issue, is that you have pretty much taken the names of characters from Les Miserables, and given them the personality that you saw fit. And being that this is fan fiction, that defeats the whole point. Doing that just makes it... not Les Miserables. You have potential to write well, I can see that. But you just need to be careful to keep Marius and Eponine in character. I know that it is a hard thing to do; When you love a character you want to make other people love them too; but you need to do that by portraying them for who they really are. Looking at it from a strictly non- Les Miserables point of view: If I was to pretend that this wasn't Les Miserables, and that you had come up with your own characters, then the story isn't half bad. (Although it is rather unoriginal.) Working on more description can help to lengthen it a bit and add more of your own flavor to the story, whcih will set it apart from others of it's kind. A few spelling/grammatical mistakes, but that is nothing that can't be fixed. Also, to give the reader more of the feeling that they really are in Paris, you might want to try replacing the word 'mister' with the word 'monsieur.' (In this case, you would be replacing the abbreviation 'Mr.' with 'M.' Adding little touches like that will help pull the reader into the story. I hope that this didn't sound too harsh, I am just trying to help out a fellow writer; I know that this can be made much better. I'm also a new writer, so I know it can be difficult, but I have faith in you. Can't wait to see how you do with the next chapter! C.C.
pencildrainsoul 2008-07-22 ch 2,	abuseVery nice. I like the 24601 thing. Good thing! I was stage crew for the musical, so I could picture her coming back alive and saying those three blessed words. Kudos. Write more!

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