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| eriphi 2008-08-04 ch 1,  | abuseOh! Lovely. What a wonderful descriptive piece of writing. The mood here is like soft velvet. I can feel myself on the desert island. Particularly, I like the comparison between TB5 and the room; not being able to touch the roof when he stretched was especially vivid. Thank you for this (although, I bet after a couple of weeks with all those brothers around, John will be glad to go back to his peace and quiet :) |
| Math Girl 2008-07-26 ch 1, | abuseExcellent job with applying the difficult third person, present-tense perspective, Tikatu. As always, you leave me wanting more! I especially enjoyed all the visuals and sensory detail. :) C. |
| minstrelsy 2008-07-26 ch 1, | abuseWhat an elegant story -- a feast for all the senses! It was as though I were in the room with John. (How I wish that could be a reality!) :-) |
| TheWeasleyBoys 2008-07-24 ch 1, | abuseOkay, when I finally get my license, I'm going to work like the blazes to move to a place like this. You've officially inspired me to seek out a better climate with the awesome description and characterization of this piece. Sweet job. --Ivy-- |
| Little Miss Bump 2008-07-23 ch 1, | abuseI like this. It's short and to-the-point, and it gives the reader just enough to get them interested. I enjoyed the way that you managed to explore John's thoughts and feelings - he's such an unknown character that we practically have to invent his personality - I think you handled it excellently. Well done, it was a successful piece of writing! |