CS: You won't kidding when you said be expecting mostly humor! This is funny, though right now I can only read the first chapter, I do like this funny in here. What impresses me the most is your knowledge of Al Bhed. That's pretty good, I'd say. Most people just make it up.

Ok... If there was any confusion to whether or not This story is meant to be serious sequel, it wasnt. The characters are really out of character because thier supposed to be. Just pretned they got hit on the head the head or something. Anywayz Thanx for the criticsm, I'll try to make sure it's a bit more understandable. (ALSO I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE IF MY RANDOMNESS IS DRY, THATS JUST ME)

“If anyone wants me I’ll be in my room shooting myself NINETY-EIGHT times,” Paine groaned emo-ily.

lol

P.S This is your dear, sweet, beautiful, loving, fabulous, mutitalented cousin reviewing using a friends account XD (Christie, in case the very accurate adjectives didn't clue you in...)

I really hope this isn't meant to be a serious story. Because if it is, it's the worst Final Fantasy X-2 sequel I've ever seen.

Okay, let's go through the bad points.

1. Characters.

Even from the first line in the very first chapter, Yuna is out of character. Yuna would not yell at Tidus to wake up. She would probably shake him gently, whilst saying his name softly.

2. Information.

You told us what Sphere Hunters are. But, as readers who have played Final Fantasy X-2, we already know what Sphere Hunters are. We know what they do. And plus, it's a give-away from the name anyway.

3. Character (again).

I noticed a sentence where "Tidus is rolling on the floor uncontrollably". That would be a HIGHLY unlikly situation. If you forget, Tidus, at the end of Final Fantasy X, was still 17, and when he came back in Final Fantasy X-2, was 19. So he's an adult now. I think he's very sensible NOT to do something like that. Also, Tidus makes a comment about fiends, and shakes when he says it. Um... no. Just no. This would NOT be the case. I don't know if you noticed, but Tidus was very enthustiastic about fighting monsters in Final Fantasy X. Why should he be any different now?

4. Grammar.

When someone yells in your story, YOU DO THIS! ... Don't do that, it hurts the readers eyes. It draws attention away from the other sentences as well. And it really looks bad. Only use capitilisation when you absolutely need to. Even then, think twice about using it.

5. Randomness.

The randomness is not even funny. In fact, it's quite pathetic. I'm a 15-year-old girl and I didn't even crack a smile whilst reading your story. And I have a great sense of humour as well. The random scenes just take the feeling of it being Final Fantasy away, if I'm honest. They really do.

--

Okay, I can't really see any more bad points for me to point out. So, my review is finished now. I hope you do not take this as a flame, because it is not one. It is what is called Constructive Cristism.

Good day.

YGA

partied and partied and partied and PURPLE LLAMA… and partied and partied and partied and partied.

“Ok, no more partying,” gasped Yuna

lol

MEGATRON! did not expect that! sugar rush whe

“Yes, Guado hair sticks up when their in scared

hehe

Hehe great, but shouldn't it be spontaniously combusted instead. That is a scary thought

let the randomness continue!

cool

E Muja ed! it looks great but one thing. It might be just because you wanted it that way or you don't know but, Spira isn't translated into AL Bhed. It would be Spira's tacdeho. I'm just saying in case you didn't know but I still love it.
Laughing still at the Paine bit. Hate. her favourite word. Kuut!
any way please carry on!

poa!