i found this story sweet. u've managed to capture each character's essence.

I like it, though it could use a run-through with your beta.

Cool idea. Your summary caught my attention, and most of this was similarly well written. You've got some very powerful lines in this, such as the last sentence. I loved Haruko and Eri's sections, but the Mamimi one didn't seem as strong to me. It wasn't bad, but compared to the others it didn't stand out to me.

Regarding the formatting, I thought the bolding and italics were very well done. The paragraph set-up is pretty conventional, so you could experiment with that if you wanted, but overall the formatting didn't seem like it needed too much work done. There were a couple typos you might want to fix, though (you'll probably see them quickly if you look it over again, it seems like just a case of hitting the wrong button on the keyboard).

Interesting read, and I got a really good feel for Haruko and Eri's emotional states from it without anything having to be spelled out. Keep writing!

I really liked this story and seeing how there was no review I thought it definately needed one. I'm not really one to review as I don't know much about writing. I did notice a few spelling mistakes but other than that it was great, I loved it.