|Reviews for What Abides|
| kerriclifford240879 3/21/09 . chapter 31
You sure like making me think and read and think some more, don't you darling? Ok, here we go...
The whole fight between Riddick and Irgun. I know Riddick was unsteady because of what he had just witnessed Jack do, and for the first time in this fic, he finally comes across as human. I know she killed herself because she didn't want to be L.M, but at the same time, I also took it another way. She saw no other way out forself. If Riddick had lost, she would have been tortured, raped, and kept locked up as a pet. If Riddick had won, she would have been raped, and kept locked up as a pet. One her enemy, one her childhood hero. Both as bad as the other. And to see how Riddick was so unsteady in that scene, it made me wonder if he finally saw it for what it was - he was killing her, one act at a time. Brilliantly done there, darling.
Kyra Riddick. Is that who I’m going to be?
“Audrey Jack Kyra Parnell al-Walid.”
She stopped. Her hand hovered over the page. There was room for one more word.
She put the pen down. Smiled at the man. “Now what?”
That was sad. Kyra died for Riddick. Because of Riddick. He bought her back as Jack, and killed something else inside her. I can see why she doesn't want his name. he sadi he loved her, and then used that love against her. To take hisname would mean she belonged to him in a way, and she's been there, died to escape it.
“You don’t know who you’re fucking with.”
Oh, how I loved that line. It makes me wonder what Riddick is going to be in for when he gos to get her. I seriously hope she kicks his ass from dusk 'til dawn. ;) But Jack/Kyra is back, and she's finally finding her own strength.
“Thank you for coming for me. Don’t do it again.”
I find it strange that he doesn't recall what else she said. Or is that deliberate on his part? So he can change her words to suit his own wants and needs?
He slit the front of her shirt open, half expecting her to struggle. Caressed the cooling flesh gently. The way she liked it.
But did she actually like it? Or did he use knowledge and power against her, to force her to like it? Reluctant arousal?
All I have to do is take a step. Go to the Underverse. Drag her back. Tell the quasies . . . tell the quasis to just cut out everything that happened after I left her on New Mecca. Take her back to fourteen. Her life without me sucked. Be doin’ her a favor. Treat her like a princess for a few years, marry her, keep her safe and happy.
And the cycle of abuse continues. Living the fantasy.
And maybe we could just take off together. Leave the Necros behind. She liked that plan.
She liked that plan. Begged for that plan. But he chose absolute power over that plan. And she chose death over him.
I fucked this up. I spent five years dreaming about her. Tried to turn her into that dream. Made her life a nightmare.
Remembered her first night in this room. Burning for her so hot that it burned her reluctance from his mind.
“Do I get a say?”
He heard his own voice, teasing, cock-sure. “As long as you say yes.”
He remembered her flinching away from him. He shuddered harder. Remembering what it felt like, that first night. Burying himself in her. The taste of her blood, her tears. . .
And there's the truth. I wonder how it tastes. Does he let it go, push it away and ignore it, the way he ignored her fear, her pain, her tears? Or does he finally start to learn from it?
I raped her. I don’t have to ask about that. She loved me and I was a monster.
I was just playing.
And there's the next excuse. But that wasn't playing. You aren't a child, but you are a child, abusing your favorite toy. But ow that's it's been taken from you, what will you do, what lengths will you go to, to get it back?
This could be my last chance.
His own pants were unbuttoned. He was not proud of what he did next.
He staggered back, buttoned up his pants. Awfully uncivilized thing you just did there, Riddick. Stared down. Her body was looking less and less human. Collapsed on the bed beside her. Staring at the ceiling, fingering a knife.
His last chance to fuck her? Or his last chance to change things? And as for what he did? I can understand it in a way. He's obsessed with her, and the line between right and wrong is no longer there for him. A question though? Fingering the knife? Is he thinking death? Because he isn't converted.
That bastard loved her. Him dying broke her heart. He failed her. If I see him, I’ll kill him. He shoulda saved her. That was his fucking job.
The way you loved her? Failed her? Him raping her broke her heart. He should have saved her, not Nin. That was his job, but he passed it off, that way he passed everything else to do with Jack off. Or does he forget that?
I’m covered in her blood. I can’t – I can’t come to her like this.
Covered in her blood? Or because you fucked her dead body? Or are you finally feeling shame?
I can change other things, but not myself. Huh.
Ouch, Laura! Is that a preview of what's to come? Because he can't change, can he? He changed her. Twice. But he can't change.
I was a raging asshole to her.
I’m going to be better.
Hmm. Can't see it happening. It's the same as his promises to her - I promise I'll be better, but hey, I'm goign to be a raging asshole in a few hours, because i'm havig a bad day, and you're here.
Brilliant as always my love!
| Cesci 3/17/09 . chapter 31
Please don't let it end there.
| AZTECPHENOM 3/16/09 . chapter 31
Wow, Saismaat…great job with bringing in the pathos. I actually found myself not quite hating Riddick. I wonder if she’ll accept him this time. If he promises to bring her back whole and strong . Wonder if she’ll go back and write his name in the book. I liked that part by the way, reminded me of Pale Horse. And Hogfather which, incidentally, I managed to get my hands on. Yay.
“He closed his eyes, tried to will himself clean.
It didn’t work.” – Heh. Isn’t that what he’s been trying to do all along? Hasn’t worked yet…
Liked how he goes into that fugue state in the end of the first section. And that there’s a complete 180 in his reaction to Jack’s blood…because of what he’s done to her.
“Things were beginning, vaguely, to not make sense.” –Loved that. Really, has anything made sense to him? At all?
“Tried to will sobriety into existence. Nothing happened.” – Despite everything that made me laugh.
Cannot wait until the next update. Very, very nice.
| monkey1212 3/15/09 . chapter 31
Wow. I can not wait to read more. This story just keeps getting better and better. I hope Eris knows how to find Riddick and Jack. Or I think Nin is going to be pissed. Again, can't wait to read more.
| Periodic Brilliance 3/14/09 . chapter 31
O! I liked this chapter.
Yay! Kyra's back...well...Audrey Jack Kyra something something... I hope she kicks Zhylaw's butt. That would be something.
And Riddick, as I've said before, is an idiot. I hope Eris gets out of there alive and that Nin blows the place to pieces. Except for Vaako. I liked him.
Is there going to be another chapter to this story?
Update soon if there is.
| kerriclifford240879 3/12/09 . chapter 30
I am such an asshole. I left her locked up here. Hungry. In the dark. I left her . . . vulnerable.
It's almost like it's replaying the past, when he left her in the cave. In the dark. Vulnerable. But now, he can't go back and save her from the monsters, because he is one of them.
Who probably killed Selena.
Who’s been talking to the Quasi-Dead.
Who Jack thinks wants to bring back Zhylaw.
She'd been telling himt hat, and he's only just getting it. Maybe it will force him to listen from now on, but for some reason I can't see him listening to her.
“They brought you back with clothes?” she managed, inanely. “I was all naked. And bloody. You’re all clean.”
Zhylaw nodded, seriously. “They like me better.”
So they did that to her because Jack killed Zhylaw. Or because Riddick bought her back?
“At my side or on my leash, I really can be quite flexible my dear.”
As a pet? Like Riddick?
“Her. I want her. Give her back, give us a ship, and you’ll never see us again.”
A week ago, I would have given anything for that.
Amazing what a week can bring. He made his decision - he'd give up the power for her, something shes's always wanted, but now it's too late.
“You really locked me up in the dark with no food for three days?” Her voice was dreamy, but there was an undertone of woe that made his stomach hurt.
“I’m sorry, Sunshine. I told someone to feed you-” He broke off abruptly. “I fucked up. I’m sorry.”
So he's finally taking ownership for how he has treated her. Too little, too late, isn't it? The same as he'd give up absolute power for her - too little, too late.
Anything you want. Tell me what you want. Tell me what to do so you’ll always look at me like that.
She told him what she wanted, but that wasn't enough. So why now? She's always looked at him with love.
“But we’re done now. I don’t like what you’ve turned me into. Don’t come for me again.”
That's so sad. What he's turned her into - a killer, a merc, a whore, a play thing - that's really sad. I had the feeling she'd end her own life, but now I'm left wondering if he'll lsiten, and if he doesn't, what she'll say whn he does go to get her.
| monkey1212 3/12/09 . chapter 30
Wow. Powerful. I hope Riddick can deal with Irgun. Maybe Vaako will show up in time to help? Looking forward to reading more.
| kerriclifford240879 3/12/09 . chapter 29
Damn! cut off half the review! Sorry!
“She bit me. I needed [i]stitches[/i].”
Vaako’s lips quirked.
Aww! Poor baby! lol! What repairs, for want of a better word, has Jack needed after you've raped her?
“Damnest thing. I guess he offered to help Jack escape after I-” He swallowed.
He can't even admitt to it, can he? I think that's half his problem.
“A cell.” Vaako’s voice was as flat and hard as a duraplast landing strip.
“Yeah. You got a problem with that?”
Yeah, I think Vaako does have a problem with that. Question is though - why?
“Hello, Jack,” Jason smiled. “The Lord Marshal sent me.”
Umm... which lord marshal?
“He didn’t know they weren’t feeding you. It’s very busy right now. Here.”
Nope, Riddick send for her through Jason - so how does Jason know? and why didn't he say anything?
“Riddick gave you this. The Lord Marshal. He says.” There was something hungry in his face.
He's talking about Zhylaw, isn't he?
“Mercy matters,” she said, “even for you. But why do you want me to drive?”
Zhylaw shrugged. “I think it’s your turn.”
Her turn at the wheel of the cat? Or as ruler of the underverse?
Oh no, Sunshine. They are talking to me.”
| monkey1212 3/12/09 . chapter 29
Oh the suprises you have for us. I really hope this all turns out ok. Riddick better not take Jack for granted and underestimate her. I also hope Riddick can get Jack out of this mess. Looking forward to reading more.
| kerriclifford240879 3/12/09 . chapter 28
That whole dream with Zhylaw made me wonder something, Laura - was it a dream? Or was he really talking to her? I understood how she felt about making Riddick weak - turn the tables on him so to speal. Revenge in a way, for what he has done to her. Sad.
He said can’t watch me die. Could he just let me starve to death?
Makes sense, Kyra snarled. He’d get his do over. Gets to bring you back as the stupid little girl who loved him.
Locked in the dark, with those types of thoughts. Makes Zhylaw's offer awfully tempting, doesn't it?
“You know what I think? I think he’d rip the universe apart to get me. But I don’t think he’d give up anything. Certainly not absolute power.”
That's sad that she's telling the truth there too. She know's Riddick won't give it up - he's already said that. But what would he do if she gave him a choice? Hmm...
“I did something really . . . bad.”
*Snort* Which time?
| kerriclifford240879 3/12/09 . chapter 27
Sorry for the delay in my reviews, Laura.
“Jack. I’m gonna find out. Better if you just tell me.”
Or you’ll rip it out of my brain? Oh god, he would, wouldn’t he.
That made me sad in a way - she now knows just how far he'll go with her - how he promises not to hurt her, and does so because he can't help himself. It's never nice learning the truth about someone you love, and for her, that must hurt more than anything he's ever done to her.
He was still staring at her, still mystified.
He truely desn't get it, does he? He doesn't think beyond what he wants, and when faced with this situation, he really doesn't have any idea f why she would leave him. He loves her, is obsessed with her, and for him, that should be enough.
“Be merciful my lord,” Jason said, softly. Dame Vaako, Riddick and Jack all shot him blank looks.
That shot ice down my spine - be merciful, so that Jason can do something to her later? Ekk!
“He was my friend, and now he’s dead. Shit, Riddick, of course I’m crying for him.”
“Don’t you dare,” he whispered.
That's sad. I could understand him telling her not to cry for Johns - but to demand her not to cry for a friend is just sad. It shows he's never had a friend to cry for,a nd to him, it's almost a betrayal, isn't it?
His mystification finally gave way to revelation. “You were trying to leave me.”
“Just figure that out?” she whispered back.
So he went and finally bought a clue! lol! As smart as he is, he really is dumb sometimes!
“Jesus, Riddick, you think I want this life? Locked up and raped by my childhood hero while he destroys the universe?” Her voice got louder. “Yeah. I’m done lying back and taking it. I am trying to leave you.”
He looked heartbroken, devastated, hurt enough that despite it all, her heart ached for him.
The truth hurts, doesn't it? It makes me wonder what that revelation will bring. does it hurt him enough to change him, or does it make it worse?
“Lock her in a cell. Someplace she’ll be nice and safe and alone. Soldier? Leave her in the dark.”
Cruel, but not. A child who abuses his favorite pet. *Nods* Her fear from childhood revisted, with him being the monster in the dark.
“Yes, ma’am. I will.” He hesitated. “I hope – I hope he forgives you.”
I know he meant Riddick, but I almost felt that he meant Nin aswell.
“Life prevails, child.”
Nin? Or a planet, that is waiting to be born?
He beat them. He found her. He was not gentle.
Is this a preminition for something happening in the future? Her dreams normally are.
“Are you glowing?”
Oh. Shit. I remeber when she bit him, how he could see part of himself within her - is she becoming like him?
I get the girl I want.
Teasing or not, that's cruel in a way. It's almost like he's saying she fucked up, so now he doesn't want her anymore, when it's his fault.
“Yeah. Later. You’re safer in here for now.”
For now? Is that a forhsadowing that she isn't safe anyway? Next chapter!
| Periodic Brilliance 3/8/09 . chapter 30
Wow. I so didn't see that last bit coming. Jack killed herself. Hm. I hope Riddick feels horrible, and actually listens to her and doesn't go after her. But knowing him, he probably will anyways.
Ahaha! Jason's only a half-person now. Serves the schmuck right. Poor Selket though. She really thought she was the one pulling the strings. Ah well.
Can't wait to read what happens next.
Update soon, and Cheers!
| Devi Lethe 3/8/09 . chapter 30
I wonder, will the Underverse accept her death? She is unconverted, technically speaking. Unless, of course, one looks at the Threshold as just another door. None can bar her.
I fear Riddick may do somethng... unwise out of love. I'm thinking of the Quasi-dead, kept alive on the brink of death by life-support. Seems the perfect place to stash a body you don't want to die. Riddick is much like Gilgamesh, only I can't help but think anyone in this story who could be Utnapishtim will not have his best interests in mind.
Will we soon learn what Eris is up to? He has my interest at this juncture. Part of me is still hoping for a happy ending.
| AZTECPHENOM 3/2/09 . chapter 29
Damn, so after everything Riddick’s done to Jack to keep his place of power he might lose it anyway. In large part BECAUSE of how’s he treated her. Hmm. I think its called irony. I hate that she was left weak. Again. Damn it.
“He made an unmanly noise,” – I like that. If you don’t mind I’d like to uh…borrow?...that line.
“Jason struggled to his feet. “The real Lord Marshal sent me, soldier.” The man’s head snapped to him.” Nice word choice, snapped. Made the cabana boy seem less human. Kind of like those scanner things from CoR.
God, it was sad to see her so desperate for food. And the dream was so surreal it kind of creeped me out. Zhylaw playing patticake like a child. *shivers* Weird stuff.
I’m sure it’s not significant but I liked that you brought in the solar-cat. Kind of a link to the past, driving through the dark like that.
Definitely a good way to end, even though I hate waiting. Wah.
| Devi Lethe 2/28/09 . chapter 29
Hawaiian shirts come standard with a nekyia? I don't think Orpheus had the benefit of them, but who's to say. Certainly not I.
The patticake image didn't sit right when I read the passage. I felt the Alice in Wonderland vibe quite heavily from the dream sequence, but that bit seemed a touch overstated. I have recently read Through the Looking Glass, however, so there's a good possibility I'm a biased reader on that count.
"She laughed and turned the sand cat on. To her surprise, it turned on even though they were indoors with no sunlight. She hit the accelerator.
I'm not sure I like the repetition of turned on and accelerate. While I take the point of keeping dream movements simple and active, the emphasis jarred me out of the narrative.
"She was as weak as a kitten, as weak as she’d been the first time there. Jason, was there, his hand was hanging strangely from his arm. The blond soldier was standing by the door, stoically."
I might've taken out the third "as" in the first sentence, and again some of the repetition jarred me. The second sentence seems to have an extra comma and feels like it should either be two seperate thoughts or shouldn't have the second "was". Maybe, "Jason was there, his hand hanging strangely from his arm." If you want Jack to notice his presence and his hand simultaneously, I'd take out the "was". If the hand is a secondary observation maybe go for two sentences.
Just some thoughts I had reading through. I hope your weekend will prove restful and that next week will be better.