This is not a story. This could be considered at best, a short poem. A couple of paragraphs doesn't consitute a fanfiction, and you're wasting people's time writing something this short and insepid.

coolioness. (i love that word) you're a very good writer

Very sweet short stories you write. *smiles* I adore Labyrinth as well and it is always a pleasure to read the ideas of other fans.

I like it. It reads like song lyrics, I could almost here the tune that would be used. very good.

Very sweet story-like poem. I especially, liked the first verse. Nice work.

Sweetly written. Love the first-person perspective, very nice.

Very sweet. :)

In the second paragraph, this sentence:

"Would he give me a second chance."

needs a question mark.

And in the third paragraph:

" He wanted to know way he was called to take her away."

'her' should be 'me'.

Keep sharing. :)