Not bad at all! Great writing :)
Ive read the twilight series (except the last one) and I kinda liked them. Sometimes I think they dont really have much storyline, and everything happens in the last two or so chapters, but they're somehow addictive! I'm going to read the next one of course, as soon as my sister's done with it. hehe
KEEP WRITING!

Ouch. That was painful to read. Painful because of how many different kinds of pain Esme was in, of course, /not/ because it was badly written! This was very well written. Great job! I especially liked the ending.

MORE!

(Chanting) write more chapters, write more chapters, write more chapters, write more chapters, write more chapters, write more chapters, write more chapters!
Sorry- please?