Your grammer, spelling and punctuation is atrocious.
The story, however, was surprisingly heart-wretching. I'm kind of suprised you didn't add the sand villagers in there.

wow!

that was beautiful!11 i cryed alittle.

Overall good story, good plot.
There are many errors that i saw as well like spelling and on many occasions, you lacked "ed"'s and "ing"'s at the end of certain words.
Also, try puting more details and more sentences into paragraph formats.

7/10
Keep Trying ^^

great story i cried at the middle part because it was so sad narusaku forever. :p

Aww man! Dude, that was really AWESOME!
Why did you put Hinata in the story..
Anyway awesome story! ur a great writer

i luv ur stories!

This is a very very good fanfiction. It was very emotianal and realy pulled you in to it. I hope to see more good works like this in the futer from you.

good story

This is grreat. I think, you could turn this into a story.