 iRsUpple 2009-06-10 . chapter 4What a cute story.
For some reason, I can only find it cute and nothing spectacular. The description of unnecessary subjects were much more informative than the important subjects, such as the fight with Velshtein.
The last chapter's small bit in the end indicated your OC's confidence of so many people liking her. It seemed a bit ignorant. And this chapter only sets it in stone with the obvious. She's only 10. For her to be the center of attention as a prodigy is understandable, but you make it out as if every male is out to get her. Not only that, but she's aware of it.
If I'm wrong, then I would love it if you explain things to me. I hope I'm wrong with some aspects, because if that's not so, then this is a warning that your character's becoming less and less likable.
- <3 |