Could you get someone to grammar-beta your story? Imperfect use of punctuation is fine, but the way you wrote is painful for someone who is used to real books.

I glanced at a sentence here and there, and it looks like an interesting premise.

This is kinda fun to read. Especially how Seem and her monks pops out from nowhere.

CHEF BOYARDEE THATS HILARIOUS! plz continue or I will not make it through the night *fake dies*

lIGHT jAK:no NOT ANOTHER ONE BREATH DARN YOU BREATH HELP ME DARK!

Dark: Oh fer crying out loud *shakes body*

Light: give her cpr

Dark:CP WHAT!

Light: Mouth-to-mouth you imbosile!

Dark:*growls* FINE!*press' lips to mine to push in air*

Me:*fails to stiffle giggles*

Dark: WHY YOU LITTLE YOU WERE JUST FAKING SO I WOULD KISS YOU WEREN'T YOU!

Me: maybe *innocent face*

Dark:Oh no that face isn't going to work I'm going to slice your hide!

Me:*makes cutest face possible*

Dark Jak:*whines*Oh I couldn't hurt that face Its to innocent!

Light: Maybe I should try that on Jak to make him give me a cookie.*walks off to practice cute innocent faces*

Dark:*hugging me to death*

Me:*gasping for air*

Wow I read two chapters so far and I am already got your support!

Yummy! Turkey? Nah, metal Heads are the only way to complete your thanks giving dinner!

Now available in Jak stores every where. :)

That was hilarious! keep up the great work!

Yay! Updates! I love ur fic! LoL. If we get in trouble im pinning this on u! Thats somthin my friend would say.

col a magic appearing disappearing fryingpan plz continue

So if I annoyed you would I meet my death by a frying pan? Yeah, I know, stupid question. I am really liking your words now. Pyre sounds awesome, how do you pronounce his name? Can't wait for the next bit of the story!

lol all that needs to be said oh and keep going who was Sig looking for anyway?

interesting... And a bit amusing! except for the part when you are coughing up blood. Ick. So Sig appears because Dark shows up (AKA Jak as dark, right?) and is all "making peace" right? If so then, what the heck did Dark do this time? No cookie for him! Or truckload of sugar...

This is getting good! And, this would be the moment when I would show up again and hug Jak until he losses conciousness! I don't think he would kill me... or maul me. I hope. Can't wait for the next chapter!

Very excellent chapter loved it

Kaya: yes master I obey -tackles Taya-

Taya: what the heck did you just say?

Kaya: I have know idea... DREAM! DID YOU MAKE ME SAY THAT!

Hee hee sorry I've been watching to much Invader Zim _'

-Angela-Dream Hagai-

u have a crush on Jak don't u? ah,who cares u have a crush a lot of people doIf it makes u feel better I have a crush on a game character to u wanna know who?

I love linkin park their awesome I like their song Nobody's Listening... anyways loved it as always

Kaya: you sure do love a lot of things

KAYA! -jumps on Kaya- Where you go?

Taya: HEY WHAT ABOUT ME!

Aw I miss you too -jumps on to Taya-

Taya: yeah well we miss you too

Kaya: well not me

-Angela-Dream Hagai-

Oh. I like your words very much. Something tells me that Spell Circle of yours is going to get you in some sort of trouble. I wonder if any innocent bystander in this story is going to have a "happy" meeting with Dark. If there is I bet you I would show up be like," Yo. And man you two look really familiar. NDD, are they Jak cosplayers or something? 'Cause he looks a lot like Da-" I died.

Also, how do you plan on hiding Light Jak's huge glowing wings and body? a mean, the dude is blue. Hmm... maybe you COULD say that they are cosplayers. Can't wait for the next chapter!

GUESS WHO! :D I love this story very good and funny update again soon

-Angela-Dream Hagai-