Not a bad start, but perhaps make it a bit longer and give it a creative title. I think the reason you aren't getting much attention on thie fic is it's name, so call it something else and you may hve better luck.

The idea is good and your writing is absolutely fine; give it a new name and I think you'll be happier with the response you get. Thanks!

interesting :). can't wait for the next chapter :D.

woohoo first review!