Your story is really good. It is a great idea and I cannot wait to read more! I felt that this should have been part of the actual game, because it fit so well and was true to the feelings of the game. Keep up the good work!

Love your writing. My favorite part was the scenery where the two girls went to rest for the birthday, away from the abuse and the bullies.
Great way to show why the backstory of that card.

Great story... I look forward toward reading the sequel.