hey that was really good. For a start, I reckon you could compile a whole portfolio of little things like this! I request Nao-Nao's perspective, that would be hilarious! You write with precision and have an intreguing sense of style, I want to see more!
How very inspiring. :)
Oh! You could, like, write about a reaper watching all the new Players. like Sho, or Koki. I am a TOTAL Koki fan haha...

I Own Sephiroth's Sox
XO

Nice job. You did good with Rick's description.
I might be able to help with OCs, I'll need some time to think them up though.

I didn't think it was long enough to be an effective opener, but it's bound to get better; a story is only as great as the sum of its chapters, and it's only one page in so far. I've just got one piece of advice: be more descriptive. You wrote a paragraph about what the main character looks like, but what about things like his history? For example, his parents got transferred; why not explain why? Or will that detail be an important plot point in the future? Of course, that's just one reviewer's opinion.

As for OC suggestions...I already lent one or two to the author of 'Time after Time', but I'm certain that I could find the time to lend a hand when it comes to characters for your story as well.